On the way to get a cut I heard a Katrinaian (that's what I call the folks who have migrated to the H from the N.O.) ask what's good with getting a Hurricane Katrina holiday (re: a day off from work)? He said in remembrance of the devastating storm he should be at the house barbecuing and drinking. He then proceeds to introduce himself as Blah Blah Bullshit of the No One Cares Set. Right after he says his name (which I don't remember), he notes, "But they call me Young Obama."
Stop that. Obama isn't a rapper; he's hopefully the next President. He's not a gimmick (at least not in a musical sense), so can we not start this? I've heard others say this once or twice before, but I see what's looming on the horizon.
If you turn on the news and hear Georgia and think of ATL, or if your health care policy is a suggestive daily dose of lean, shut the hell up. The same applies to those that think the key to better race relations is to want to smash Ice-T's wife, Coco, or the desire to implement an immigration policy that calls for an import of Brazilan women. If you fall under any of those categories, don't mention the words "Young" and "Obama" unless it goes something like, "My young ass is voting for Obama." You're trivializing his accomplishments and I haven't garnered enough signatures to start a race draft yet, so hold that down.
You've never been ostracized and excluded from mainstream society. Your basic human rights were never stripped of you, and you've likely enjoyed a life free of death threats. Still, you believe you've been ignored for far too long, and now your time has come. Here is your moment to look back at the people who have not rebuked your way of life and say, "I'm still here; I'm not queer; get used to it."
This is the opener for my piece on the upcoming Straight Pride Parade scheduled in Brooklyn this weekend. Yes, I'm serious. There's really a display of hetero pride set for Labor Day. If you want to read more (ahh, c'mon nah, don't you?), click me.
Edit: Based on some of the comments I think some people are basing their entire opinion of the article on one paragraph. I went ahead and bolded the link that way if people are going to comment on what I'm saying, they've actually read what I said. No shade, but based on some of what I've read there seems to be some confusion.
I'm beginning to think I should revisit the idea of changing my name to Prince. Possibly headed to Peter Pan's pajama party, the King of Pop and Lace Fronts stepped outside to stunt on ya'll days before his 50th birthday.
Looking into the camera like he wants to say 'fresh azimiz...shamon,' Mike is showing you don't have to do yoga all day to stay skinny at 50 -- just don't eat. How you like them organic Kabbalah blessed apples, Madonna?
While his wig game is no doubt still proper, how many times are we going to see him in his pajamas? With him owing 50% of the world, has he gone on a pants boycott? And try as he might, you can't dress up pajama pants. Save the blazer for Halloween when you dress up like an adult, Mike.
Apparently he's working with Ne-Yo the Negro on his new album. Why does it sound like Louie Vuitton getting together with a Chinese bootlegger to design a new purse? It's too bad that no matter what the product sounds like, should he keep up with these antics, his album will make Discipline look like Thriller.
From the looks of it, someone found Solange's old braids and decided to launch a music career. I don't know about ya'll, but T-Baby's "It's So Cold In The D" has given me a new perspective on global warming.
For the first two minutes, I wasn't sure whether or not it was OK to laugh. T-Baby comes across as one of those people that had to wear a bib and were forbidden to use scissors in class if you know what I'm saying.
I love how T-Baby pays tribute to Silkk The Shocker by refusing to rap on beat. That's right, T-Baby: It ain't ya'll fault. The tongue has a mind of its own. I also love how rebellious her dancers are. Who needs rhythm?
Shout out to the video director, too. I took a media production class back in college and I'm feeling good about myself after watching this video. Watch ya ass, Spike Lee.
And to my people from the D, feel lucky I'm partial to your city. I swear if I didn't have friends from Detroit I would demand we start considering the city a part of Canada.
If you're interested I'll be leading a virtual prayer circle for a heatwave to strike Michigan shortly after this post. No need to thank me. I see Detroit needs all the help it can get.
Nelly is about as relevant to music as Side A of Color Me Badd's C.M.B. on tape. I suppose I should blame the D.J., but can we bury the "Tip Drill" debacle next to Nelly's rap career? I think the greater issue still stands, but I'm sick of hearing people who can't make a point one way or the other argue. It's like watching two people with limp wrists get into a slap boxing match.
Don't give Nelly anymore press about this. It only prolongs the inevitable: Him getting dropped by Universal and picked up by VH1 for a reality series.
Besides, "Tip Drill" gives the idiot brigade to chime in with:
if she looked half as good as they did she would be stripping and dipping it to.... i bet you if nellz gave her 2000 she would get in the video
Nelly owned that bitch! Fuck all that "black women were offended" bullshit. Black women CHOSE to be in that video. It ain't Nelly's fault that there are a lot of black hoes. Str8 up!!
Fuck this bitch. You know she would get on all fours in a g-string for a quarter. She needs to shove a dick in her mouth and shut the fuck up.
shoulda smacked dat bitch...on some real shit...
There it is: proof on why some people should swallow. Let's keep the debate alive, but let's opt for an updated target, folks.
The former president, speaking in Denver, posed a hypothetical question in which he seemed to suggest that that the Democratic Party was making a mistake in choosing Obama as its presidential nominee.
He said: "Suppose you're a voter, and you've got candidate X and candidate Y. Candidate X agrees with you on everything, but you don't think that candidate can deliver on anything at all. Candidate Y you agree with on about half the issues, but he can deliver. Which candidate are you going to vote for?"
Then, perhaps mindful of how his off-the-cuff remarks might be taken, Clinton added after a pause: "This has nothing to do with what's going on now."
No matter what you think of Bill Clinton personally, he is a brilliant man and thus, knew exactly what he was doing when he made this comment. You would think he was the one who just lost a primary, but then again, judging from his antics in the primary season, he might as well have been running the way he made everything about him.
Hand Slick Willie his old sax or an unattractive overweight gal's vagina so he can find something to do with his mouth. What little respect I had for him is slipping away with each and every soundbite.
Perhaps Solange knew the comparisons to Beyonce were unavoidable, which is why she asked, “Let my star light shine on its own/I’m no sister, I’m just my God given name” on the opening track of Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams. But if she thought that alone would end the discussion: uh oh uh oh uh oh, oh no no..
As Solange tries to cast herself as the weed smoking, foul mouthed, rebellious sibling who’s antithetical to the clean-cut brand popularized by her sister, her efforts only make her seem just as contrived as Beyonce. It’s a common problem among many contemporary artists: Trying to force a conclusion on audiences versus letting them draw their on. The key to being different is to just be, which is why Solange should let her music speak for itself. It’s certainly good enough to.
On her sophomore album, we find a more polished and cohesive effort than its 2003 predecessor, Solo Star. Much of that has to due with the now 22-year-old’s maturation as an artist. Whereas Solo Star seemed devoid of direction with its heap of influences, Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams suggests Solange has finally discovered a more concise sound she’s comfortable with.
The album is a hybrid of Motown soul and contemporary pop -- not too far away from the sound big sis initially aimed for in her solo endeavor before the failure of “Work It Out.”
The mix makes for infectious tracks that showcase charm (“I Decided”), wit (“T.O.N.Y.”), and spunk (“Would’ve Been The One”). And when she’s not riding down the retro road, the superb “Sandcastle Disco” and euphoric “Cosmic Journey” prove the youngest Knowles is equally adept with modern sounds.
A drawback of the set is for all her good intentions there are instances where she falls flat. Despite her vocal growth, her voice doesn’t always capture the depth she tries to convey in tracks like “Valentine’s Day” and “I Told You So.” None of these minor flaws take too much away from Solange’s major effort to reestablish herself as a credible artist.
With the likes of Amy Winehouse already taking their Motown homage’s to the top of charts, Sol-Angel... may not seem as unique as intended, but it’s certainly impressive, and more importantly, refreshing – qualities that should see Solange deliver on the dreams of Hadley Street a lot sooner than relying on being different would.
Terrence Howard strikes me as the type I would find at an open mic night. The one who swears he’s the deepest, most insightful person in the room when he introduces himself on stage. Ultimately you discover this person’s greatest talent is their ego. That and they’re nuttier than a bag of peanuts.
Actors can be so extra. Many of them are narcissistic to the point of ad nauseam. Terrence Howard - with his lengthy diatribe about whatever pseudo spiritual talk he was espousing to shill his album - personifies being extra.
Only he would recite prepared monologue at a concert. I’m not surprised in a performance video that’s 4 minutes and 42 seconds long, he only spent a little more than a minute actually performing. See? Extra.
Then again after watching the performance, maybe he should have kept yapping about the moon, the stars, and the soul and conclude it with “…and scene.” Thanks to him, I now have a greater appreciation for Tyra Bank’s music career. Tyra ‘preciates ya , Slickback.
Can someone send him a couple dozen scripts to keep him occupied?
I love my people, but this is starting to turn into an abusive relationship. Somehow, someway, we have to get a racial draft going. I will trade a number of the dumb asses for Shia LaBeouf or the dude from The Soup. At least they're entertaining.
Take for example, this story. Look, I don't want to die, but I'm saying: You stole someone's chain and then you head to YouTube to talk about it. Either you're untouchable or dumb as hell. I wasn't sure of which until I read the description on YouTube.
Trick Trick's Brother Diesel is sporting Yung Berg's $70,000 TransFormer Chain, It has been noted that Diesel is known Club Bouncer and Jack boy, (at Plan B Night Club in Detroit). Employed by Peter Arabo. He is also a rapper under Trick Trick's Goon Squad. We hear from inside sources in Detroit that Diesel sells small amounts cocaine around Detroit and known for jackmoves. Kind of funnie but Diesel is also sewing the Detroit Police Department for apperntly shooting him.. Real Street NIGGA Taking The Police To Court. The funnie thing is the police never even shot his ass. Some random guy on the street infront of Envy Night Club In Detroit was firing shots.
So this person can pretty much do as he pleases, I guess. Still, why? What's the point? Then again, when you walk around with a diamond Transformer chain around your neck, aren't you asking for it? I sort of feel bad for Yung Berg, but then I recall his "dark butt" diatribe and find the irony in all of this.
Wait, who cares. Look at the writing. What's up with "sewing" the DPD? Why do people hate reading so much? Spell check does not lower your credit, folk! Reading can't make you burn either. Damn, do they have to start wrapping books in Trojans to get some people to give them a glance? If so, I'll donate some condoms now. But probably Lifestyles -- I'm not wasting too much money on lost causes.
But seriously, I can't take it anymore. The way things are going, I think I'm going to start a new segment on this blog called "I Hate Black People." I actually hate everyone, but I should start with home first, no?
A lot of Hillary Clinton supporters are behaving like spoiled brats with false senses of entitlement. As the media continues to give them the spotlight they don't deserve, most of these pundits are conveniently dancing around the real reason why many of these white women will not vote for Barack Obama: He's Black.
That notion has been routinely dismissed, but just because a few Black faces appear on national television to co-sign the Utopian view that this country is far too advanced for race to be anything other than a nominal issue these days doesn't make it any less true. It only means those Black people who argue otherwise need to buy a clue.
Why else would they support a man who is about as attentive to women's issues as George W. Bush was to the people of New Orleans three years ago? It's because he's Black, he took what was perceived to be Hillary's nomination, and they're embittered thinking this was their one and only legitimate shot at seeing a woman becoming President in their lifetime.
So since they can't have it their way, many of these women are looking to play the role of spoiler. That is so typical. Nevermind that Roe v. Wade may be overtuned, their children may ultimately be drafted should a President McCain get his shot at taking on both Tehran and Moscow, and that our economy will continue to decline -- some uppity Negroe had the gall not to wait his turn.
While Gloria Steinem may have distanced herself from previous comments that gender is a much more limiting force in this country than race, the likes of Katie Couric are keeping the issue alive in the media -- feeding these women convenient theories for them that don't match up with history.
Looking at this woman go on about experience is such a joke. Barack Obama had far more experience as an elected official than Hillary Clinton and her being married to a former governor and two-term president didn't make her more experienced no matter how hard her spinsters tried to convince me otherwise. I respect Hillary's intelligence and bravado, but she ran an arrogant campaign based on a fallacy.
When she announced her nomination, she sat on her couch as if she were waiting for Princess Diana's tiara to arrive and the fat dude from Coming To America to sing her "Queen To Be" at her coronation -- she had it coming.
But to these women, she is a victim. How nice it must be to live in a bubble of privilege.
If some of these women were real feminists, Hillary Clinton would not be their only hope. They could look to so many other women who serve in the Senate or as governor and achieved that feat without the convenience of their husband's last name. Moreover, is misogyny in the media were such an important issue, there would be a public outcry over much of the criticism hurled at Michelle Obama.
If John McCain wins, this country deserves what it gets.
That video is dedicated to everyone responsible for me having to finally go to jury duty on Friday. Once a friend told me that her sister opted not to register to vote because she said she didn’t want to go to jury duty. When she told me that, I thought that was the most trifling rationale to use. I still think it’s trifling, but the second I walked into that big boring room I envied the life of an illegal immigrant.
Sitting in a room for three hours waiting for a juror instructional video in Vietnamese is not the way to spend a day. I spent most of that time saying silent prayers that I will get out of this over-air conditioned room and back home by noon. No such luck. They needed everyone that day. This is what I get for dodging a summons since January. What? Don’t judge me.
On the way to the courtroom the bailiff instructed us to be “enthusiastic” once the judge addresses us. He told us she liked cheering. My first reaction was, “The hell? What is she a cheerleader for Team Justice?” And once we got in the courtroom, she definitely told us she needed more enthusiasm. I’m sure with her salary she can afford to be cheerful. Six dollars for a day’s worth of boring doesn’t make me smile, though.
Once I was selected for a jury pool, I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out how to not be selected for this jury. I soon learned so was everyone else. The case I was in the jury pool for centered on two men who allegedly kicked, punched, and stabbed someone (or people, I’ve started to try and block this day out so details are becoming sketchy) during a robbery. For a minute, because they were both young, I thought they were going to try and pick me.
Thankfully, when the judge asked if anyone would object to giving them probation should they be convicted, I saw my way out. I rose my hand to say considering the crime and my own personal experiences, I couldn’t serve in a trial where probation was an option.
Finally, getting jacked at gunpoint has provided a positive!
Soon everyone else followed with their own excuses as to why their names should be crossed off the list and be left the hell alone. My favorite jury dodger was the girl who objected to everything the judge, the DA, and the defense attorneys said. I think her name was Aura, or something made up like that.
She said based on what happened to her auntie she hates cops, the justice system, and vowed that she would never convict anyone. Once one of the defense attorneys got to her, she added that when it comes to justice, she leaves everything to God. Genius. I bet she made a list of things to say before she came.
The unprepared people who can’t think on their feet weren’t as lucky. Most of them, with their dumb ass questions and comments and kept prolonging the process. I didn’t end up leaving until after 2. I arrived at 8:00 a.m.
1 in 4 people in my city are foreign born. You couldn’t tell by the jury pool I was in. Some jury of your peers. At the end they asked if any of us wanted to donate all or a portion of our huge $6.00 check to charity. I think I and someone else were the only 2 out of 65 to do such a thing.
I so wanted to yell, “You cheap rich bastards, ya’ll should all be donating your checks to me because I know ya’ll got money,” but it wasn’t worth it. I was just happy to not have to look at any of those people ever again in my entire life.
OK, so I won’t completely bore you, here are a couple of observations:
1. People still wear mullets. I see it sometimes on TV or film as a joke, but normal people actually still walk around looking like 1982. It’s sad.
2. And the jheri curl, damn, why won’t you die? This poor woman I saw – I bet her couch hates her.
3. I feel really sorry for all of the women walking around with about as much hair as a My Little Pony doll trying to rock a ponytail.
4. One of the defense attorneys was one of the hairiest, freckled-face blondes I had ever seen in my life. His eyelashes looked like they needed a comb. I started to ask him where Dorothy and the Oz crew were.
5. An Alabama accent seems harder to shake than a herpes outbreak.
And if nothing else now I know that in the future, should I get a jury summons I may want to check off ‘student’ to get an exemption. I can tell myself I’m a student of life. That or bring some kids like one woman who purposely showed up two hours late.
Back in May I blogged about "Gutta Bitch," one of those lovey dovey sentimental songs that make you feel all warm and snuggly inside. Well, I should have known it wouldn't take long for the song to get a video and go nationwide.
Dallas: You brought the world (or at least as high as D.C.) "My Dougie" and a few places outside of your area code the "Rack Daddy." And now, pigeons everywhere have a new anthem in "Gutta Bitch." Bawk, bawk birds -- D-Town made this one is for you.
I don't know about ya'll, but after watching this video, I want to throw a book at Trai'd and a box of self-esteem at his gutta bitch.
Before I dig in (anymore), let's go for the positives of the video:
1. They used a professional camera. That's always a good thing. 2. Hmm, she looks pretty. 3. She's well dressed. 4. She's pretty and well dressed. 5. It looks like she's been boom kacking with Laurie Ann. She doesn't look stiffer than R. Kelly at a Girl Scouts meeting the way she used to. 6. Have I mentioned how pretty she looks?
Ok, now that we've gotten that out of the way can I just say this video and song are really underwhelming. I might not be Cassie's biggest fan, but she seems like a nice person who means well and to be fair, she has her share of nice tracks.
Like "Me & U." Tell me that was not a charming ode to giving head. "Official Girl" is no "Me & U," though. Speaking of official girls, what's up with Cassie looking like an off brand Aaliyah the few seconds she's not two stepping her bra and panties?
It's times like these I wish ghosts could fight, because the spirit of Aaliyah needs to swoop down and dropkick that tone deaf broad for swagger jacking her look.
To say Teddy Ruxpin John Legend is boring is like saying Michael Jackson is only a little pale. How can you look like you're overdue for an afternoon nap during a party scene? Or better yet, why do I think people that have been dead for five years probably have more energy in them right now than John Legend has in this video?
Thank God for Andre 3000 for pumping a little life into this video. If I didn't know any better, based on energy levels, I'd say Andre 3000 was John Legend's grandson. If he's not John Legend's grandson, he must be kin to Sammy Davis Jr. because dammit if Dre doesn't look like one of his impersonators.
While I do like the song a lot, it seems as if John Legend is going for a sound that probably won't work for him sales wise. This is someone who quietly moved a million units of his sophomore album without any major radio hit. Yet he comes back with a single that's clearly intended to push him more as a commercial artist.
Here's a thought: For all of those R&B acts pinning for a pop hit, most of them don't sell any albums.
Why do so many people break the winning formula?
By the way: I noticed John Legend trimmed down on the facial hair. I guess his model girlfriend makes for a better beard.
As you know, I love Laurie Ann like a drunk auntie at Christmas, but even she in all of her greatness are not privileged enough to have a "F-ck Crest" attitude. Here she is at the party for the premiere of Making The Band 94 last night. Is it me or was the premiere really boring? It seemed more scripted than usual, and Auntie Boom Plaque was extra even by her standards. That scene between her and Puff Puff Diddy was nauseating. Hopefully she finds a toothbrush, the men of Day 26 find some charisma, and the cameraman finds Danity Kane in future episodes. This picture is the most interesting part of the season thus far.
The Last Dragon is a cinematic masterpiece no matter what you, the critics, or my mama and 'nem say. It's one of my favorite movies ever and I can't believe Sho'Nuff is gone. It's not like I knew where he's been since 1985, but news of his death makes me sad all the same.
Rest in peace to the baddest mofo low down around this town.
I don't want to unleash a lengthy diatribe about this, but I came across an article entitled "We Down with GOP" that I had to touch on. While I concede that the Democratic party takes Black people for granted, and agree that it's important to show that we are not a monolith, I'm still typically annoyed by most Black Republicans. I don't completely dislike them all, but there's a certain breed of them that really want me to push for a racial draft.
I can't help but think a lot of Black Republicans (typically those of my age group) are nothing more than attention whoring enthusiasts who tilt to the right because they realize in cases such as these, contrariety can do wonders for one's profile. This article reminds me of that.
The author is trying to explain the difference between a Black Republican and a Hip Hop Republican. I don't see any real difference between the two based on what he's saying. Both seem to be selling the same thing only they may differ on the cultural references they interject into their talking points.
Speaking of references, in the article the author quotes lyrics from It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back. It's interesting to find the author would even cite any rhymes from that era (and that album) considering a lot of the music that came from that time was a reflection of the policies of Ronald Reagan and the first George Bush. I don't recall Black people prospering under their administrations, do you?
The entire article comes across as pandering and after reading it and the Hip Hop Republican website I can't help but look at all of this as a joke.
I don't see how "Hip Hop Republicans" (whatever that means) is a movement on the rise, and despite claims that the terms aren't oxymoronic, the author failed to point out just what Republicans and hip-hop have in common.
It took me a second, but I found some commonalities between the two. Republicans hate gays, women, and Black people. The same can be said about most mainstream hip-hop.
Outside of that, I got nothing and apparently neither does he.
Earlier today I heard “Make ‘Em Say Uhh” on the radio. I should have taken it as a sign, because while I was preppin’ for a No Limit tribute themed post in lieu of hearing that song, a wonderful person shared a video of Mia X with me hours later. Forget that post – I’m all about talking about the biggest mama Mia now.
I used to love Mia X. I remember back in 9th grade when I exchanged Christmas gifts with some of my friends, besides getting The Player’s Club on tape (thank you, Crystal – wherever you are), a girl named Tyrica bought me Mia X’s Unlady Like.
Outside of a random appearance on the bonus disc of Monica’s After The Storm, I haven’t seen or heard from Mia X in years, which is a shame, because Mia X was a solid female emcee. If you’re a fan of bird anthems like me, check for Mia’s remake of Salt ‘n Pepa’s “I’ll Take Ya Man.” If only the industry were different or Mia would have caught a stomach flu, who knows how things may have turned out for her.
Anyway, watch this video. It is hilarious. I love how seriously she took that rap to “You Know I’m No Good.” You would have thought she was getting paid for that.
And I love the way she explains her computer literacy: “I type slow. All this computer shit. I'm from the old school. Everything is all y'know press and click and paste...I be confused.”
At least she’s being honest unlike some of these other fake celebrity bloggers.
I should put her in touch with my mama, though. She sends me text messages all the time, and last year, she had “Runaway Love” as her ringtone. She’s old school and she got it, Mia. You can get it, too.
At the end of the video, she drops the link to her MySpace. GO! Now. I mean, don’t leave my page -- open another tab and visit.
Forget Khia: Mia X has the best celebrity blog on the internet.
Based on reading some of her entries I’ve already added “son of a cock biter” to my lexicon.
Plus, if you’re a fan like me, you’re going to want to add her as a friend and help her solve problems like:
NEED YALL ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING.MY FRIENDS COUSIN MARRIED THIS GUY LAST YEAR THEY HAVE A NEW BABY AND A NEW HOME ALL SEEMS PICTURE PERFECT UNTIL BEDTIME SHE GOES ON TO SAY THAT HE HAS BEEN TRYING TO FUCK HER IN THE ASS EVERYTIME THEY DO IT AND WHEN SHE TELLS HIM HELL NO HE DOES THE OLE IM SORRY WAS IT THAT HOLE AND LAUGHS. SHE SAID THAT THEIR SEX LIFE WAS ALWAYS GOOD BUT RECENTLY IT HASNT BEEN GOING DOWN BUT MAYBE TWICE A MONTH AND WHEN IT DOES HE ALWAYS WANTS HER FROM BEHIND. ME PERSONALLY IM NEVER MAD AT DOGGYSTLYE BUT I ALSO UNDERSTAND THE NEED TO LOOK INTO EACH OTHERS EYES WHILE TALKING EITHER THAT DIRTY OR LOVEY DOVEY SHIT THE KISSING AND THE WHOLE NINE SO I CAN RESPECT HER FOR WANTING ALL OF THAT TO.
Now she says this is her “friend,” but you know how that goes. Look at one of the comments she leaves in the entry:
Thank you but she is very well put together and requires minimal beauty tips sista is BAD she doesnt mind sex head and whatever she is just not down with letting him fuck her in the ass and thats his intentions i know she loves her husband but she doesnt want him in the brown round
Sounds like this “friend” don’t care if the party don’t stop.
Speaking of friends, Mia spoke on of hers:
ONE OF MY FRIENDS SAID I SHOULD CHANGE MY PROFILE PIC BECAUSE HE DETECTED FAINT HAIRS ABOVE MY LIP. I SAID MAYBE I GOT IT FROM MY DADDY.
How can you not love her?
She also targets hating ass bloggers, so before anyone suggests otherwise, I am not clowning Mia X. Trust me: I am being entertained.
I’m trying to help her get a little more shine.
With that said, go add her as your friend. I want her to get a reality show. I love you, Mia!
I can't really tell if he's poking fun at himself or people with degrees, but it's videos like these that make me wonder why didn't I skip English class and use that time to play with a Casio player. Thank God we have a number of other programs that are centered on making us all lust after wealth, otherwise poverty would start to look good by comparison.
This dude blows his noise with $100 bills. I don't know if I want to cry or grab a bottle of Lysol in response to that. Speaking of crying, I initially thought to after watching this video in full. Then I realized with financial tips like that, I wouldn't be surprised if Soulja Boy is getting supersoaked in a back ally for spare change on Gaybird Street in ten years.
The more I see and hear of Solange, the more I’m open to supporting her despite initial calls for an attitude transplant. As much as she hates being compared to her sister, the Beyoncé trophy-destroyer should be all the more thankful to be kin to her. In terms of conventional looks and sound, Beyoncé wins hands down. But in what typically matters most to music lovers (growth, sincerity), Black Ashlee Simpson is killing it…and I think that will ultimately help her.
Solange is essentially the artist I think Beyoncé was aiming to be before “Work It Out” tanked. I’m not really blown away with “Sandcastle Disco” the same way I am with “I Decided,” but this is a dope video. It’s fun, it’s creative, and it sets her a part from all of the cookie-cutter R&B chicks who rely more on their tits and thighs to get by than anything pointing to actual artistry. Not that tits and thighs are bad, it’s just when you sing like you’ve been smoking since conception distractions can only go so far, no?
The video even makes me tolerate the song a little more. I think you have to be more into indie pop, or end all of your sentences with the word “mate” to really enjoy a song like this, but I can get into a little bit more thanks to the video…I guess. I just like songs with more oomph is all.
I don’t know, “Sandcastle Disco” sounds like a song title you come up with when you’re high. I wouldn’t doubt if it she recorded a track called “Seafood Safari” in the future.
Another thing I’ve noticed about Solange is how much she’s evolved as a performer. You can’t really tell on a lot of the songs that have leaked thus far because they were apparently recorded before she signed with Geffen, but she has grown as a vocalist.
On a lot of the recorded tracks she’s singing too hard, but live she sounds a lot smoother. And she has a lot of her sister’s charisma. But what separates her from the other 12 members of Destiny’s Child is that she seems less contained on stage.
Take for example how she handled this drunk bamma on stage. I can easily see Beyoncé p-poppin’ as security beats the hell out of the man on stage without even giving the guy a second look. By incorporating that fool into the act, she just seems more fun, more personable, less like a damn robot.
While I’ve talked my shit (for good reason) on the blog, I did actually buy Solange’s first album. It cost about the same as a wing dinner, so I didn’t mind. It was OK for what it was, but you can tell at the time she didn’t know who she was an artist.
This go ‘round you see a person in control of their look and sound and whether you like it or not, she’s doing her (or what she wants herself to be), and I appreciate the effort. I hope she at least gets some praise for that.
I really don’t like a lot of the R&B singers out now, particularly the females. So many of them allow men to define them by writing their songs, which is why they’re often limited in their subject matter. If I went by most mainstream R&B songs, I would think most women treat their coochie’s like an automatic coupon to DSW.
All of this boasting of materialism and equating it with love or self-worth among women and men alike is annoying. Even if this girl is using sand metaphors to get her point across, it’s better than, “taste me, taste me, then you gotta lace me.”
I haven’t heard her album yet, but I hope it’s at least a slow and steady seller. “I Decided” is a great song, yet it’s not getting any spins on radio. The irony of it all is I can almost guarantee if someone white like Duffy or Amy Crackhouse were singing it, it’d be at least Top 40 by now.
Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a Beyoncé bashing post. I still miss Beyoncé, but we need a balance. Everyone can’t look, pop, and wig the same. Besides, Beyonce can actually sing, which is more than I can say than half of these chicks whose greatest talent is lying on their back. Hi, Cassie.
Maybe Solange does have a chip on her shoulder. Or maybe she’s just misunderstood (stifles laugher). And maybe she does try too hard, but I’d rather fool with someone that tries too hard than someone who doesn’t try at all.
What image better represents help than Amy Winehouse running to the crackhouse?
One of my favorite features of the blog has become the mock advice column, Dear Michael/Help Me, or whatever you call it. But, I haven't done it lately, and I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions on which target should be next?
If you're new to the blog, and haven't a clue as to what I'm talking about, go here.
If ya’ll see me on the news for burning down the building of a certain regional office for a major cable company, just know that they made me pull the Left Eye.
OK, wait, that’s a bit incriminating, isn’t? Scratch fire with really mean spirited yet peaceful protest.
I hate monopolies, because you’re stuck with shitty service and there’s not really much you can do about it. My internet has been acting like it’s suicidal for months now. It makes it really difficult to get things done when your service seems terminally ill.
What makes it worse is that I’m in the hood and there’s no neighbors internet service you can “borrow.” Not that I ever would consider such a thing with me being a law abiding citizen and all. I’m just saying, even if I accidently clicked on another person’s wireless network, there’s no wireless network ‘round here to access. Good for nothing neighbors.
So, with it being Sunday, I ask that you pray and wish on a star for my cable modem, because I’m about ready to kirk out and/or buy a broadband modem card.
With the advent of video blogging, I thought the idea of fans getting a glimpse into the personalities of their favorite artists would be a good thing. I forgot that many of these artists need their personalities created for them first.
Twenty seconds into this and I was already annoyed. I suppose that's what I get for even watching this. I'm amazed at the self-importance of someone that needed two solo albums to sell seven units. Why does the beginning of this video come across as some glowing tribute to himself when all it is a unnecessary documentary of him transforming himself from Sho'nuff Jr. to Black Keebler elf.
Chris Pokes must have wanted him to be this overly dramatic. Queen.
This is exactly why I can't stand most of these conservatives who parade around as if they're God's lobbyist.
So this guy wants to pray for a president who shares his "moral values," yet he wants people to pray for rain of Biblical proportions in order to ruin someone's speech that will probably be tied into more Christian ideology than anything his selfish ass would want? Is it wrong if I prayed for him to get hit by a bus? Or struck by lighting? Or dry humped by a pitbull's teeth? Or for him to wake up with strep throat? Or ask that God send a foot up his ass? Or a bitch slap to his face? Or a rock to tap his head?
I’m conflicted about Cassie. On one end, the shallow side of me likes the fact that she’s really pretty, well dressed, and overall packaged nicely. Yet, my ears instantly bleed at the thought of her singing anything beyond the “ABC Song” a cappella. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: This girl has no talent.
She can’t sing, she can’t dance, and her presence overall seems lackluster. She’s so blasé and it seems as if her only talent lies in how she handles herself while staring at the ceiling on her back. Actually, I’m not even sure she’s good at that. Cassie seems like the really pretty girl that sucks at sex. You know how some people are so good looking they think they can just rely on that and only to wind up being cheated on because they’re about as arousing as a pillow case? That’s Cassie…I’m guessing.
I would love to ask Diddy who was better: Her or Mase. It’s a fair question to ask, no?
As Puff Puff Diddy keeps trying to shove her down our throats the same way he likely did himself with her, I’m trying to figure out why I should care about her when we already have a Rihanna and she’s not going anywhere anytime soon.
Comments like these don’t help.
Sexy R&B star Cassie had her nipples pierced to help her keep breast cancer at bay. The pretty 22 year old’s mother is a two-time breast cancer survivor and the singer was recently tested to make sure she was free of the disease. After the check-up, Cassie had her nipples pierced in a bid to show cancer she was a fighter. She says, “I got my piercings before I got my results, like positive energy… I think it’s sexy. I’m proud of them.” But she admits the decision to get pierced would have backfired on her if medics found the cancer gene. Cassie adds, “I’m sitting there with my parents, my mom’s sobbing after she finds out that I don’t have the gene, and I’m like, `Guess what, mom and dad, I got my nipples pierced.’ “It was nerve-racking because I was like, `My mom’s going to kill me if I have this gene and I got these things.’”
I get that symbols are subjective, but what gave her the idea that pierced nipples was the perfect way to say, “F*ck, cancer?” Speaking of f*ck, I’m assuming that’s the symbol she’s really aiming for. I’m sure Cassie knows that it’s better to focus on her pierced nipples than her chopped up vocal chords. That’s the only way I can rationalize an otherwise dumb ass way of thinking.
The ad is homophobic, but maybe Mr. T.'s not. I'm only posting this because Mr. T. is and always will be hilarious. Him reading that laundry list of fools he's pitied over the years is classic. Mr. T. wants some shine, ya'll. It's been a long time since The A-Team and...whatever else he's did. Yeah, I'm never seen The A-Team. I'm trying to remember where I first saw him. Oh well. This video is still priceless.
I even laughed at Bill O'Relly asking for some Snickers. I wouldn't peg him to be a fan of Snickers. I assumed the only nuts he liked in his mouth belong to Bush or Rupert Murdoch.
1. Why does Lil’ Kim’s stomach look like it needs an iron?
2. Can someone please give Beyonce a new look?
"I know the girls, they're going to go crazy when they see it," he said of his appearance on the HBO series. "The ladies are gonna go crazy when they see Bow Wow's first sex scene. It's crazy 'cause for me, it was normal. It was normal, but I know when I look back at it, when I see it, I'm gonna be like, 'Damn! Look at this. This is crazy!' I stun myself sometimes, I can't even front."
10. Wouldn’t you rather see Toni Braxton on TV performing a song versus competing with Mrs. Brady on Dancing With The Stars?
“It needs to be fast enough to play it in the club, and slow enough so that I ain't got to dance in the video.”
11. Am I the only one who loves Monica for knowing her limitations?
12. Is Barack Obama emailing you every other day hitting you up for money like a begging crackhead?
13. When will artists realize the harder they try to seem different the more they become exactly like everyone else?
14. Now that his sister has confirmed what the Smoking Gun already confirmed with documentation, why won’t Officer Ross just admit to being a CO?
15. Doesn’t John McCain seem more like someone Blanche Devereaux would diss on The Golden Girls than any country's president?
While researching his role for City By The Sea, James Franco pretended to be a homeless man and insisted it wasn't all that bad.
“I stayed a whole weekend on the street, we panhandled, we made a sign. "We made at least $20 in half an hour, so, if you’re ever out of work… make a sign - `Homeless, Please Help’."
16. Shouldn’t some actors be banned from speaking in public without a script?
“What makes the difference, Mr. McCain said, is getting enough rest. ‘If I can sleep in until about 7:30 or 8, then it really helps me,’ he said. ‘I think when I get up real early, like 5:30 or 6, and don’t go to bed until 10, 10:30 or 11, it seems to help me get up a little later in the morning.’”
In gluttony news, I read this story about chocolate covered bacon. Is your stomach growling or is that the sound of your heart begging you for mercy?
This little love child of Porky Pig and the Hershey corporation is not the brainchild of anyone in the South. This is something out of Santa Cruz. Cali, stand up because the world is looking at you. But don't brag too much as Minnesota would like to get a little shine for this, ya dig. This year, Famous Dave's at the Minnesota State Fair is rolling out Pig Lickers — dark chocolate-covered bacon pieces sprinkled with sea salt.
I don't think my taste buds have been this excited since walking down a New York street that smelled like a potion of piss, shit, and bad breath.
"There's a whole trend toward chefs pushing the boundaries," says Page. "Chefs are trying to be more playful and incorporate new kinds of whimsy."
I'm thinking catfish flavored oatmeal, onion cheesecake, and cookies that taste the way T-Pain looks.
I know I already mentioned the piece ran a couple of days ago, but the amended version that ran is a bit different from what I originally had in mind, so I decided to post it here just to say I let it out somewhere.
And away it goes:
Some of the American public has spoken and the results suggest that both Barack Obama and John McCain face additional bumps on the road to the White House.
As millions of conflicted Americans compare the presidential contenders, two new polls released by the Associated Press highlight major weaknesses in each of the candidate’s efforts to sway undecided voters.
For presumptive Republican nominee, John McCain, his reputation as a “maverick” doesn’t appear to resonate as well with people outside of the D.C. Beltway as previously believed.
When asked to name which candidate reminds you more of the person you hated most in high school, an AP-Yahoo News poll found that embittered ex-high schoolers favor Obama 52 percent to 38 percent.
“McCain just seems like the jackass who pissed everyone off all the time. I’m not voting for anyone that reminds me of the person that used to taunt or annoy me,” said Brian Myers, 39, of Minneapolis, Minn.
The majority of the 1,548 adults polled described Obama as “prom king” and “likable,” while McCain was viewed as a “bully” and “irritable.”
“I think it’s important that we have someone used to being popular representing us in the world. It shows those abroad that we still want to be liked. Who knows, maybe it can lead to lower gas prices,” argued Nicole Ball, 44 of Atlanta, Georgia.
Although Obama’s persona is seen as an asset in some areas, a separate poll hints at Obama’s remaining troubles with certain blocs of Americans. In a poll prompting voters to answer which candidate would they let eat off their plates, McCain topped the Democratic candidate 58 to 42 percent. Results show that many voters are more knowledgeable of McCain, making him seem easier to appease.
“I don’t know what this arugula is, but I got an email saying that’s all Barack Obama eats so he’s probably too fancy to want anything from my kitchen. Why can’t he just eat a burger or some other food that’s easier to spell and pronounce?” said Monica Maynard, 60, of Charleston, South Carolina.
"Do Muslims even eat BBQ? If so, I’d be glad to toss him a rib, he looks like he needs one anyway," said Keith Norton, 53, of Silver Spring, Maryland.
Pollsters argue the survey illustrates how Obama’s lingering unfamiliarity with much of the American public is spurring resistance among undeclared voters to support his campaign.
I imagine if I took a poll of this piece so far, an overwhelming majority would think I was out of my mind. Before you start writing nasty comments ranging from, “Who is this fool?” to “This is proof that not every root should grow!” let me tell you: These fake polls and quotes of my own creation are no are no less ridiculous than the real ones currently circulating.
Like a recent AP-Yahoo News poll that found that pet owners favor McCain over Obama 42 percent to 37 percent. The two joint news outlets felt compelled to spend ten days asking 1,759 adults how pet ownership influences their vote. Apparently the political wisdom in dog lovers and cat people should not go unacknowledged. Janet Taylor told surveyors, “I think a person who owns a pet is a more compassionate person – caring, giving, trustworthy. I like pet owners.”
Does the fate of this country tinge on which candidate Velma feels loves Scooby and Scrappy more?
Beyonce, white people called and they want their swagger back. I should have known the second I wished for her return she would channel her inner Lil' Kim.
This ad leaves me with a couple of questions:
When did L'oreal start selling "Black be gone" products?
Does Photoshop have beef with Beyonce's other nostril?
Will she ever show her natural hair?
If not, can she at least buy a different colored lace front?
Why does it look like if that fan were blowing any harder we all would be staring at Beyonce's scalp?
Does she even realize how boring this look has become?
I can't believe I'm saying this (again), but Beyonce could learn a thing or two from Rihanna. Or the cashier at the take out place down the street from me who changes her hair color every other week.
These days the truth only seems to come in joke form. The more I watch election coverage, the more I notice just how trivialized our political process has become. I wrote a piece about so many of the dumb ass polls currently dominating the 24-hour cable news networks. It's too bad I didn't catch the one that revealed more women prefer to carpool with Obama than McCain in time.
Anywho, you can read it over at [The Root]. Comments are encouraged.
Also, if you have a few minutes to spare, don't forget to nominate this blog. You can go here to vote.
I thought we were making progress. I felt that despite our growing differences, we were finally beginning to coalesce around a candidate we felt shared our goal of turning this country around. But just when I begin to think this country was starting to get over its hangups, I read a Wall Street Journal article that confirms my greatest fear: Thinphobia is alive and well.
In the article, "Too Fit to Be President," writer and hating ass hater, Amy Chozick ponders whether or not the greatest symbol of success for skinny men since pre-wite-out Michael Jackson is too slim to win the presidency.
Big Chozick writes:
But in a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them.
So because most of this country looks like a bottle of Welch's, Barack Obama isn't like everyone else? Why couldn't the author point out that we all die. That's something that ties us together. All she had to follow that up with is note that some of us choose to die differently. Personally, I'd rather die from natural causes or some terrible freak accident that takes me out in a millisecond over my heart jumping out of my body because it's can't wait for another fish sandwich fix.
Why is this in the Wall Street Journal anyway? Do they not have a floundering economy to cover?
As if this article's premise weren't offensive enough, Heavy C injects the opinions of bigoted big folks to slant her article and further offend slim and sessy people the world over.
"He's too new ... and he needs to put some meat on his bones," says Diana Koenig, 42, a housewife in Corpus Christi, Texas, who says she voted for Sen. Hillary Clinton in the Democratic primary.
"I won't vote for any beanpole guy," another Clinton supporter wrote last week on a Yahoo politics message board.
These people are just fishing for reasons not to vote for Obama. First he's not Black enough. Then he becomes too black. Soon after he was too educated. Later he it was an issue of him being too popular. Now he's too healthy. Why are people so worried about his waistline being thin when their wallet is bulimic?
Sen. Obama drew cringes on a campaign stop in Adel, Iowa, in July 2007, when he asked a crowd of farmers: "Anybody gone into a Whole Foods lately and seen what they charge for arugula?" The upscale supermarket specializing in organic food doesn't have a single store in Iowa.
OK, so that wasn't smart, and I admit that I had to Google 'arugula' when I first heard about this. Still, what does some spiffy lettuce have to do with preventing a bunch of terrorist from blowing me up in a subway car?
Lately, Sen. Obama is more careful. On a campaign stop in Lebanon, Mo., on Wednesday, Sen. Obama visited with voters at Bell's Diner and promptly announced "Well, I've had lunch today but I'm thinking maybe there is some pie."
He settled on fried chicken and told the crowd he's become a junk-food lover. "The healthy people, we'll give them the breasts," he told the waitress. "I'll eat the wings."
I don't know who he thinks he's fooling, especially after you read about that uber-healthy menu he set up for the DNC. Barack: Don't let them do you. I know you were praying that those wings weren't fried, and we both know some people are still going to want to slap you with a bottle of Crisco. Besides, the pundits used to joke about Gore's weight years ago, and they said Bill Richardson was too fat to be president. How did their presidential bids turn out? In the end many of them are more pressed about your complexion than your frame, so if you worked the phrase "no pork in my fork" into your lexicon, don't backtrack now.
This has got to be one of the stupidest issues of the ever growing list of stupid issues related to the 2008 presidential election.
And ya'll wonder why I wrote the Skinny Swagger Salute. I will say that it gives me hope that I, too, can become President. I'm not that far away from Obama. I couldn't do any worse than Bush.
If I didn't hate John McCain before, I certainly do now. After years of giving all air headed coked out talentless whores way too much hope, the world was finally starting to get over Paris Hilton. Then Grandpa Simpson decides to go and make her relevant again by including her in his campaign ad. Who knows how long it will take the media to get over her all over again.
While I am impressed that she has learned to read a cue card without falling down, I still don't like her. Maybe it's because she has a habit of throwing the word nigger around like it's a joke. It doesn't hurt that she's also a self-absorbed moron who is about as useful to entertainment as a pork chop is to a Muslim. The only thing hot about her is her crotch yet she has become the focal point of a presidential election.
You have no idea how ecstatic I am that the queen of bedazzle, biscuits, and blond wigs’ return is on the horizon. In September, the woman that earned me my fist stan card will be back on stage. I don’t know why I ever thought I wanted her to go away.
Award shows just aren’t the same without Beyonce. If you saw the BET awards, you know what I’m saying. Yes, Rihanna’s vocals have improved, but she can’t move a crowd with her voice or her sex shop themed stage customs. Well, I suppose the latter can move a certain portion of the crowd, but it’s not like I’m trying to do her. The more I learn about her, the more I think about the free clinic.
Enjoy fellas…and ladies (Yeah I think that chick is bi, so…)…but don’t let it turn your piece into a bottle of hot sauce. I’m just saying.
As beautiful as Rihanna is, and as catchy as her music has become to me, it’s just not enough anymore.
I need more.
Someone that’s not going to just give me pretty poses; I need a singer to get stank with it.
Someone that knows that after a while that same old two-step won’t cut it anymore. If you’re going to walk around looking like you could give me change for a 50 in singles, you better know how to work the pole.
For the record, I am not being sexist. This is how a friend once described my dancing at the club: “Yeah you dance really sexual. Like it’s the first of the month and rent is due.”
Someone, who despite running their song into the ground will at least make the attempt to put another spin on it the millionth time they’ perform it. Forget ya’ll: That country remix to “Irreplaceable” was hot.
Someone your mama can’t hate on like, “Who is that asking for their tonsils to be removed in this song?” Someone that won’t get the side-eye from the older crowd.
In a nutshell, I need my Beyonce back.
OK, so she makes asinine comments all the time to the point where I want to hold a book drive in her honor. But you know what? If I have to look at the rest of these generic wig glue using non-singing rhythm-disabled chicks for another year, I’ll lose my mind.
Say all the stupid shit you want, Bee. If I speak on it, I’ll do so with a smile on my face. Hell, I’ll probably agree with you out of sheer gratitude.
Her little sister likes to go on and on…and on about how different they are. She’s not lying. Despite some objections to her persona, I respect what Solange is trying to do. But she’s right: They are different. Beyonce doesn’t walk around looking like a can of Sunkist. If another Knowles makes it, go Mathew’s check account balance. If not, well, Beyonce, that just means you need to stay around a little longer to support Baby Daniel and the Miss Tina line, now don’t you?
In hindsight, I think all I wanted was a new sound and a different wig from her. Something darker, shorter, less Malibu-Barbie inspired.
But however she decides to return, I welcome it.
This is dedicated to you Beyawnsay:
I almost went with the remix, but ya'll get the point.
Beyonce: I will set up your fan on stage and pick up every package of Indian hair you order. I'll even bring the two piece. There's a .89 cent special at Popeyes on Tuesdays. Whatever it takes. Just come back.
P.S. But don’t be on no bullshit. Look what happened to Usher.
It costs a kidney and a pint of blood to fill up your tank. Soldiers are hooked on uppers and downers in order to deal with the trauma suffered in a war we should have never bothered to start. Meanwhile Europeans are coming to America in droves as if the country has turned into one big outlet mall. And I’m personally holding on to my mother’s health insurance for dear life…literally. Yet, as we inch closer and closer to one of the most important presidential elections in our nation’s history, the poster children for CPS and Valtrex have been interjected into the political debate.
The idiots are running amok in the McCain campaign. Not only does that ad make John McCain look pathetic, he comes across as the biggest hypocrite on Earth. It was only eight years ago that his initial campaign for the presidency was ethered amid rumors that he did the unthinkable: adopt a colored child. So what does he do in turn after swearing to run a “respectful campaign?” Sprint right past that pledge and prove he’s every bit the bitch Bush and co. made him out to be back in 2000.
I’m so tired of people giving him an excuse because he was a prisoner of war. Yes, his service to his country is commendable. I think that point was established some decades ago. His military service doesn’t negate that he’s not even half as knowledgeable in foreign policy as paraded to be, or that he’s a liar who is running a shitty campaign. Only this week was he called out modestly by members of the press yet Obama is supposedly the media golden boy despite research proving that isn’t the case.
Britney Spears and Paris Hilton are now relevant topics in our presidential election. They’re barely relevant in pop culture anymore. How pitiful is the state of our politics? I’m surprised China hasn’t already purchased America in a garage sale by now.
If you could be so kind to nominate for the following, our bond will be as strong as Wayne's gripe on his cup, our love will go deeper than Mariah's issues, and...hell, you see where I'm going right?
Best Blog Design
This category is for blogs that incorporate a unique and eye-catching visual web design. Blog designs must NOT be templates, but fully custom-coded and designed sites.
Best Writing in a Blog
This category is for blogs which have exceptional writing. This category is judged not on a single post basis, but on the overall posts of the blog.
Best Humor Blog
This category is for humor blogs or blogs which feature humorous content.
Blog to Watch
This category highlights the best “undiscovered” blog in the blogosphere; keep your eye on this one! This is for that great blog that not everyone knows about…but should!
And if you're just discovering this blog, go here, here, and here. Oh here, here, and here, too. Thank you kindly.
1. Why does Lil’ Kim’s stomach look like it needs an iron?
5. Did you computer just get a cavity, too?
19. Isn’t this like buying a book on parenting from Lynne Spears kinda like buying a cook book from an anorexic?
