<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d13627209\x26blogName\x3dThe+Cynical+Ones\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://thecynicalones.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttps://thecynicalones.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-6731657404205710599', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
About Me

Writer. Music head. Political junkie. Pop culture whore. Funny black boy. Looking to have a voice in the world -- with a few good sponsors.

View My Complete Profile


Find Me Here:

The Recession Diaries

The Spin

Stay Tuned

Twitter


The Roll

1016

Aliya King

All That I Am: A Diary of My Randymethoughts Pt. II

Amerika's Muse

Bark + Bite

Basement Elevation

Bomani Jones

Bossip

Brooklyn Sista

Clay Cane

Concrete Loop

crunk and disorderly

Dope Penmanship

Fly Cliches

Four Four

GangStarrGirl

Got Sole?

Hot 2 Def Inc.

Incommunicado

Just Another Girl on the IRT

Me, Myself An Eye

Middlechild Promotions

Mz. Virgo

Necole Bitchie

Negrita Linda

One Boy Revolution

Oo Itz Santo

Queen of the Non Sequiturs

Queen To Be

Rhymes With Snitch

Soulbounce

Straight From The A

Thank God I'm Famous

That Grape Juice

The Fury

The Real 7

The search for RELLevance

Think2wice

Toya's World



Previous Posts

Moving Along, Ya'll
Tell Me (Said w/ a Dru Hill Jump)
Shake It Fast...But Watch Ya Self
Tyson Would Top Obama
Do The Libby Leg!
Mama, I Need A Career Planner
No.
Why Didn't He Interrupt Me Last Week?
Excuse Ya'll
Me Time

archives

May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009


Add to Technorati Favorites

Site Meter

free page hit
counter

Saturday, March 31, 2007
5:13 PM


Bitterness Takes on Evil

 

vs.

=

This is a really hard one for me since I hate the both of them. One is an obnoxious loudmouth who constantly talks over people and berates anyone who disagrees him. The other is the same way, only Barbara Walters is enabling her instead of News Corp. This just might be the battle of the know-it-all's everyone has been waiting for: A media-backed public squabble so instense it could spell the end for both parties involved. Ok, that's not going to happen, but you can't blame a guy for wishful thinking. You have to admit this is a lot better than Rosie's old battle with Star Jones over which lie was worst (Star about her surgery, Rosie about her sexuality).

Angered by comments posted on O'Donnell's blog and voiced on ABC program, "The View," O'Reilly is calling on ABC to fire Rosie O'Donnell.

The comments in question are as follows:

anderson cooper
wake up

False flag operations are covert operations conducted by governments, corporations, or other organizations, which are designed to appear as if they are being carried out by other entities.

the british did it on purpose
into iranian waters
as
US MILITARY BUILD UP ON THE IRANIAN BORDER

we will be in iran
before summer
as planned

come on people
u have 2 c
i know u can

I'm honestly more offened by Rosie posting every blog entry in the form of pseudo-poems than anything else.

As you can see in this clip, O'Reilly calls Rosie one of the biggest Bush haters in the media, as if that's some sort of anomaly these days, but I digress. I suppose I shouldn't expect anything less from the faux-non partisan who's been kissing Bush's ass since the decline of America began on January 20, 2001.

O'Reilly has called O'Donnell a sympathizer to terrorism. Considering the Bush adminstration's antics have served as the biggest recruiting tool for terrorist organizations and Fox News is in their back pocket promoting their every idiotic idea (Get well soon, Tony), who's the bigger sympathizer in the grand scheme of things?

Just by this video, it seems like all Rosie was saying was we've demonized the other side to the degree that we no longer look to them as humans, only as "the enemy," which doesn't help either side come to some peaceful resolution. I guess I should stop now, before I'm likened to a terrorist, too.

I love that O'Reilly can say Rosie is hurting people, though he negates to point out how the racist sentiments expressed on his own network are far more detrimental to this country given that when it comes to race in this country, everything is as fair and balanced as the spin-masters who deliver the news on Fox.

And we all remember how safe women are around Fox News' favorite occasional phone sex operator.

The only thing I will say about Rosie's comments is that once she steps into journalistic territory unless she can back up her statements with facts, she is susceptible to criticism --- even from the likes of self-absorbed hypocritical jackasses like Bill O'Reilly.

Still, I wonder if this has more to do with O'Reilly being jealous of all of the venom going Rosie's way lately in the press. He seems like the jealous type. The diva.

Someone lock these two in a cage already so they can put America out of its misery.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

Thursday, March 29, 2007
2:38 PM


From The Pole To A Pedestal

 


There’s something about pretentious ex-strippers turned sub par rapper-actresses that grates my nerves. I’m all for personal growth and maturation in person’s post-pole world, but once you begin to place yourself on a pedestal and fault others for the very same things you’ve perpetuated over the years you’re subject to criticism --- on this blog anyway.

(St)Eve, who hasn’t done anything of note in several years, is on the cover of latest issue of Giant magazine in what I gather is her attempt to remind people that she’s still alive. I’m more interested in knowing if she’s found something to do, because her show was axed a good while ago, her sex tape is old news, and she’s beginning to give me Foxy Brown vibes in regards to her recording career.

In the cover story, (St)Eve discusses everything from the aforementioned sex tape to her relationship with the Guinean dictator, Teodorin Nguema Obiang to her thoughts on the current state of hip hop.

I find her newfound case of Alzheimer’s hysterical.

On the current state of Hip Hop and her future plans in the industry:

For me it all started with [D4L’s] ‘Laffy Taffy.’ When I first heard that song on the radio, I just knew it was a joke, but then I kept hearing it. Every artist has the right to do what they want, but I don’t believe in making that kind of music. It’s disposable.”Eventually, I want to completely move into moviemaking because it is a pretty stable life. Music is unfortunately, getting crazy. I mean, rock stars don’t even have longevity and music is just - hip-hop, especially - so…superficial.”

Let me be honest: I love “Laffy Taffy.” Though sophomoric in subject matter, I find it catchy, and it’s something to two-step to in the club when you’re waiting on the DJ to play the extended mix to “Get Me Bodied” so you can really dance.

There is this stigma --- particularly applied by East Coast hip hop fans --- attached to southern hip hop e.g. “they’re destroying it.” For the record, hip hop was fatally shot in the late 1990s when hip hop crossed on over to the mainstream by riding the waves of self-absorption and materialism. You can thank Puffy for that, not the South.

I find Eve’s characterization of that song as disposable, and the notion of her not believing in creating that “kind of music” laughable, considering that outside of “Love Is Blind,” she hasn’t exactly recorded anything of depth. While I do agree that mainstream hip hop is grossly superficial, unless her new album is packed with material that’s light in superficialities, I have a hard time taking her criticism seriously. Especially when her bars on Kelly Rowland’s new single, “Like This” is akin to previous wackness spewed on her last two albums.

“Hip-hop is in cardiac arrest, but I think it’s revivable. it’s not that I’m so profound, rhyming about when Jesus came down or anything, but I take the time to sit down and make sure my words come together so they sound right and flow with the track. I think a lot of that is missing.”

See. Even she knows it! Personally, I find “I'm lookin fa Mrs. Bubble GumI'm Mr. Chik-O-Stick, I wanna (dun dun dunt) (oh), Cuz you so thick” to be profound, but I guess we can’t be all as sophisticated as (St)Eve. Someone dates a killer and suddenly they're "refined." Mmph.

As I said, I’m all for personal evolution and blossoming into a more polished and sophisticated person. But, when you take on a deeper-than-thou attitude when you’re as superficial as your blond extensions and my favorite candy-inspired song, we got problems.

To be fair, I will wait on (St)Eve’s album (that is, if it ever drops) and see if the former pit-bull in a skirt’s bite is as big as her park. I suppose I should just be grateful she no longer looks like she has to tape her penis down.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 5 Comments

Wednesday, March 28, 2007
5:46 PM


Clean Your Space Up

 

Another day of browsing through the message boards, another reason to continue to distance myself from all that entails myspace. While I do have a page, images like these serve as a reminder of why I ought to give more consideration into deleting it. As I mentioned, I ran across this image on a message board and after stewing over it for a while I’m left with the same reaction as my initial one: rage. Only a few weeks ago was News Corp., -which owns myspace – the subject of intense criticism on the Huffington Post over accusations of exhibiting blatant racism over the airwaves of Fox News Channel. Now, it seems blatant racist advertisements are allowed to flood the pages of myspace.

I thank News Corp. for Family Guy, but this I can do without. While I’m at it, Fox News can go away, too.

Click here to contact myspace’s customer service. Feel free to spew venom --- tactfully, of course.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Friday, March 23, 2007
11:53 AM


Free Shaquanda Cotton

 


If there's still doubt over if there is a disparity in sentencing along racial and class lines, look no further than the story of 14-year-old Shaquanda Cotton.

Cotton, a native of Paris, Texas - a city that likes to tout itself as the "best small town" in Texas - is coming under fire after sentencing Cotton to seven years in prison for shoving a hall monitor.

And then there is the case that most troubles Cherry and leaders of the Texas NAACP, involving a 14-year-old black freshman, Shaquanda Cotton, who shoved a hall monitor at Paris High School in a dispute over entering the building before the school day had officially begun. The youth had no prior arrest record, and the hall monitor--a 58-year-old teacher's aide--was not seriously injured. But Shaquanda was tried in March 2006 in the town's juvenile court, convicted of "assault on a public servant" and sentenced by Lamar County Judge Chuck Superville to prison for up to 7 years, until she turns 21.

One shove equals a ruined life?

There was the 19-year-old white man, convicted last July of criminally negligent homicide for killing a 54-year-old black woman and her 3-year-old grandson with his truck, who was sentenced in Paris to probation and required to send an annual Christmas card to the victims' family. Just three months earlier, Superville sentenced a 14-year-old white girl, convicted of arson for burning down her family's house, to probation.

Kill someone and you get probation and a required trip to the Hallmark store. Burn your own family's home down and you get probation. Shove a hall monitor and you're sentenced to 7 years in prison. That sounds fair, right?

There are the Paris public schools, which are under investigation by the U.S. Education Department after repeated complaints that administrators discipline black students more frequently, and more harshly, than white students.

As you continue reading the article, you'll learn of other problems Shaquanda has had with the school, as well as her mother's acknowledgment that Shaquanda has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder - which she is taking prescription medication for.

Click here to read information on how you can write Shaquanda, the judge, and Governor Perry.

I would go on, but it's better for you to read the article yourself. It's frustrasting, not surprising, and again, frustrating.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Thursday, March 22, 2007
11:45 AM


She Might Die

 

I haven’t paid much attention to American Idol since the days of Fantasia Barrino, so I’m totally out of the loop. I know, I know: some pop culture whore I am, right? Well, I do still watch Simon and co. berate the outcasts at the beginning of the season, if that helps in preventing ya’ll from thinking less of me. I think it should count for something. I mean, don’t be so hard on a guy.

In any event, like I said while I haven’t been keeping up, I am aware of the Sanjaya phenomenon that’s been brewing over the past couple of weeks. I remember seeing his audition. My only reaction to him was, “Great hair!” After checking out a few of his performances via Youtube, I still hold on to that initial reaction. Great hair indeed.

But, to some people – judgmental people – Sanjaya just doesn’t belong on the bill. Meet the latest and greatest attention whore of Myspace:

Hi, my name is J. I have always been a big fan of American Idol, so like many people I was excited for the 6th season to start this year.

Aside from the initial debacle with contestant Antonella Barba, season 6 was starting to look like it may be actually very good. The big voices of Melinda Doolittle and LaKisha Jones, the innovative styling's of Blake Lewis, and the smooth R&B of Phil Stacey are just a few of the hopefuls with immense potential.

However, there is one hinge in this broad spectrum of talent this year ... Sanjaya Malakar.

We have no problems with Sanjaya personally, he seems like a very personable and charming young man. However, he does NOT belong on American Idol. The judges faltered with their decision to place him in the 24, and American Idol voters have done even worse by keeping him on.

So until the day that Sanjya is no longer American Idol, I will be going on a hunger strike. This means I will refuse to eat anything until American Idol voters wise up, and stop voting Sanjya through each week.

http://www.myspace.com/starvationforsanjaya

So let me get this straight: Thousands of troops are dying in Iraq, Afghanistan is on its way back to the way it was before the post 9/11 attacks, Dumbya and co. might launch us into another war with Iran, and McDonalds has yet to bring back the McRib despite the protest of thousands, and you’re starving yourself over an sensationalized talent show on FOX?!

Sanjaya has great hair and nice teeth, and in America, isn't that all that matters in a singing competition? Folks need to quit dawgin' my boy with the bomb curling iron. Haters. Mmph.

This loonboon keeps a daily blog of her Mary Kate-inspired meal plan - err umm -“protest”on the site.

I don’t know about all of you, but I’m tempted to vote for Sanjaya now and post pictures of mountains of food on her myspace wall.

Viva, Sanjaya!


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Tuesday, March 20, 2007
11:01 AM


Rihanna: Vocal Murdererererererere

 


There are some things in life that are unforgivable. Things like being consistently dishonest, talking about my mama, or voting for anyone with the last name Bush will lead me to permanently seeing you in a negative light. Still, there is a far worse grievance than the aforementioned. An act so heinous that the mere thought over the vile deed and the person who performed it will leave you with such an utter disgust that it will eat away at your soul--- and ear drums! This act is performing a classic Mariah Carey ballad when you know damn well that your ass cannot sing!


Yes, Rihanna, this means you! There is something about this Beyonce swagger-jacker that grates my nerves. I admit, I danced to “Pon De Replay” on the A train in summer ’05, and I found “S.O.S. (Rescue Me)” to be surprisingly catchy and addictive. But, once I began to notice that she took herself seriously as a vocalist, I began to question her sanity.

I will give her one thing: She’s making an effort to learn.

Rihanna on working with Ne-Yo: "I've never had vocal training, so when I'm in the studio, he'll tell me how to breathe and stuff. And I'm like, 'What?' Like he'll call out these big fancy words: 'OK, I want you to do staccato.' And I'm like, 'OK, I don't know what that is.' "

You don’t say. While I applaud her efforts to improve, there's this certain little thing called talent. You either have it or you don't. Vocally, Rihanna doesn't have it, and not even Pro Tools can save you.

I’ve watched her performed “Unfaithful” many times: She sounds exactly like the track; I grew a sudden appreciation for sign language soon after.

This is video of Rihanna performing Mariah’s classic ballad, “Hero.”

It's a then 16 Rihanna performing at an area talent show. I’m assuming that there’s a built in applause machine on the set, because in no way can anyone applaud her pain-inducing spin on this song with sound judgment.

“Enjoy” the video. I'm sure pre-Emancipation would've kicked her in the throat for this cover. Check out the “note” she hits towards the end of her performance.

She really tried, bless her heart.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Monday, March 19, 2007
2:06 PM


You Are What You Eat

 


There are a number of reasons why my beloved hometown of Houston, Texas has been labeled the fattest city in the country for most of the decade. One of those reasons include lovely little heart attack-inducing treats like fried Oreos.

You read that right: fried Oreo cookies. Oh, it gets even more fattening. After spending much of Saturday afternoon at the carnival sponsored by the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo (mock us if you must), I noticed they now offer other fried snack foods like fried Twinkies and fried Hostess cupcakes.

Why? I guess everyone has a right to choose their method of death. Who am I to judge if someone chooses to die in the form of taking foods already high in fat and frying them to make the recipe for diabetes even more potent?

Walking around, I noticed there was food everywhere - most of it consisting of fried foods and large chunks of meat. Turkey legs to die for. Fried pickles poking at your taste bud’s curiosity. Cheesecakes dipped in chocolate. Half pound burgers. A mountain of curly fries topped with cheddar cheese sauce. Five kinds of sausage on a stick.

I made a decision earlier in the year to fall back on eating food that's fried or can be passed to me from a window. It has gone surprisingly well.

However, whenever I'm home, that goal becomes increasingly difficult to maintain as most of my options are related to both. Starving, I decided to go ahead and take a break and indulge with the rest of the carnival goers. I went with the fried catfish basket.

As much as I love catfish, lately I've been opting for baked tilapia instead. (Some of you are probably calling me a sell out right now.) The woman standing behind me in the line - fresh from the rodeo and donning a huge cowboy hat (of course) - said to her friends, "This ain't nothing but a heart attack in a basket, ya'll."

Thanks, ma'am. You’ve made my meal sound all the more appetizing.

After spending almost $8.00 on this “heart attack in a basket,” I decided I can't afford to waste it. I was certain someone in the area had an Advil on them, and someone has got to know how to perform CPR should my heart decide to teach me an early lesson.

It was only after I ate my food did I notice Subway was there. I didn't notice it initially, because it was the one food venue with no crowd. Jared isn't that popular 'round these parts.

The more I walked around, the more I noticed just how incredibly huge people in Texas are. Some people can attribute their girth to genetics while most can thank an unhealthy diet. Guess which one fit most of this crowd?

No offense to anyone reading this, but the area looked like a sea of Klumps. Black Klumps. White Klumps. Latino Klumps. Asian Klumps.

One nation under obesity, with liberty, justice, and vegetable oil for all.

You could also see the beginning stages of obesity through all of the overweight children sweating profusely as they walk with their overweight parents while munching on their cheese fries, turkey legs, baked potatoes topped with overflowing portions of brisket, and burgers. A half pound burger today breeds a neck reminiscent of a 12-pack of hot dogs tomorrow.

I felt bad for them; it's not their fault.

I remember when I was overweight. It started out with me asking for a twenty piece nugget with fries at McDonalds around the age of 11 with me going on to consume Ultimate Cheeseburger (double meat and cheese) Combos jumbo-sized (fries and drink) with two tacos from Jack and the Box daily at the age of 18.

While I did lose a lot of my "baby fat" around the age of 15, I was certainly finding my adult fat as I approached the end of my senior year in high school.

I am not the poster child for a healthy lifestyle, but I have been making the effort to exercise regularly and eat healthier. Most of the health problems that plague relatives of mine or relatives of friends of mine stem from years of leading an unhealthy lifestyle.

I'm not suggesting everyone start to eat salads everyday of their life as I still grimace at anything green found on my plate that I have to force myself to eat. But, ask yourself something: Do you really want to end up needing dialysis everyday of your life because you couldn’t get enough of a fried cookie?

Labels:


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Wednesday, March 14, 2007
12:06 PM


No Nos Gustas! (Or Whatever We Don't Like You Means In Spanish)

 


If you’ve expressed any doubts on whether America’s standing in the international community has lowered in recent years, look no further than the press coverage of President Bush’s five-nation tour across Latin America.

Read about Mayan leaders spiritually “cleansing” ancient ruins in Guatemala after Bush visted the sight.

The leaders said they would hold a spiritual ceremony to restore "peace and harmony" at the Mayan ruins of Iximche after Bush tours the site on Monday.

"No, Mr. Bush, you cannot trample and degrade the memory of our ancestors," said indigenous leader Rodolfo Pocop during a press conference. "This is not your ranch in Texas."

They may be spiritual leaders, but that doesn’t bar them from possessing an icy wit.

What does it say about you when people feel that they have to perform a cleansing ceremony the second after you step on their sacred grounds? Probably about as good as it feels to know that your image is being burned in effigy across the globe.

But of course, there were protests:

The demonstrators burned U.S. flags and waved banners with slogans against the U.S. president such as, "Bush you are not welcome in Mexico. Go to Hell."

In Mérida, about 100 protesters marched to Bush´s hotel for the second night in a row carrying Mexican flags and calling the U.S. president a "murderer."


I don't know what that means, but if it reads like the other f-word here, aye dios mio!



No translation needed.

Greetings from Brazil.

Well we do encourage freedom of speech.
Feel the love from Latin American leaders:

Nicaraguan president, Daniel Ortega, assured that US president, George W. Bush, did not bring any concrete solution to the economic and social problems of Latin America during his tour of the region.

According to the Sandinista leader "(Bush) came to take his picture with Latin American presidents but brought nothing at all."

He also recalled that the United States refuses payment of 17 billion dollars in compensation for the terrorist actions against his country decreed by The Hague International Court of Justice.


This reads like it points to beloved adage amongst strippers: F*ck you, pay me.

You already know Hugo chimed in:

Cheered by thousands, Chavez said Bush's tour was a failure.

"Latin Americans are telling you: 'Gringo, go home!'" he said.

Are you still in doubt?

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 6 Comments

Thursday, March 08, 2007
10:25 AM


Yeah, B, Talk Your Sh*t!

 


Beyonce, in many ways, is a lot like our dear commander-and-thief, George Bush: Each means well, but rarely if ever do they properly articulate their thoughts - instantly leading anyone paying attention to think they haven’t a clue as to what they’re talking about.

A good example of this is when Miss Independent Woman herself told Vanity Fair that in order to be a strong woman you must have a strong man. Another is when she claimed her religion would never allow her to succumb to antics done by the likes of Britney and Madonna at the VMAs, which put her on the bad side of a large faction of her fanbase. She quickly rebounded, though, when she let a room full of gay men check on it at popular gay club in New York. Praise him.

And here we are, years removed from both, and she’s back at it. This time her asinine comments concern her wealth. In an interview with Pride magazine, Beyonce says she’s a bit embarrassed by the wealth she’s accumulated throughout her constant I’m-in-your-face-and-you-will-love-me-dammit career.

"I just wanted to be financially stable and it embarrasses me, and I don't feel comfortable talking or thinking about it."

What’s wrong with that? Nothing, actually. I find it to be a very humble way of acknowledging her very much deserved achievements? So what am I complaining about this time?

Beyonce added: "I'm not a flashy girl, and I don't flaunt it."

Really now?

Audemars Piguet watch
Dimples in ya necktie
Hermes briefcase
Cartier top clips
Silk lined blazers
Diamond creamed facials
VVS cuff links
6 star pent suites

*starts dancing*

Patna let me upgrade ya grade ya
Patna patna let me upgrade ya grade ya

Wait, this is Beyonce. I can’t fault her too much, right? I mean she's so...pretty. Now that I think about it, she’s not really twirkin’ in the trunk of the Bentley like she’s showing off. She just wanted to us to see how spacious it is! And she probably only wore the fur because it was so cold on the set. Not to mention those headlights are so bright, so I bet she needed those shades. Plus the song is called “Upgrade U,” not “Save Your Credit.”

Are you judging me right me? Well, you shouldn’t! If the neocons can do it with Bush, why can’t I do it with Beyonce?

Labels: ,


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 5 Comments

Wednesday, March 07, 2007
6:28 PM


This Week In Zealotry

 


It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned the good Reverend Jerry Falwell – mainly because I was pretending Falwell, along with Pat Robertson, and other like-minded idiots who spout out their hatred under the guise of promoting Christianity no longer existed. But, when you’re the type of person who makes the news for placing the blame of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on pagans, homosexuals, and abortionists, you, much like the crack heads getting low to go-go on Florida Avenue, are hard to ignore.

What’s on Jerry’s mind now? Global warming, or what Jerry would call Satan’s wicked tampering with Earth’s thermostat! According to Dr. Falwell – who holds no degree in any science-related field – global warming is nothing more than, "Satan's attempt to redirect the church's primary focus from evangelism to environmentalism.” Falwell said that, "the jury is still out" on whether humans are causing -- or could stop -- global warming.

Ever gracious, Falwell went on to add Christian leaders are naïve and are being duped by films like An Inconvenient Truth. Falwell suggests the film’s title be changed to A Convenient Untruth.
Isn’t he clever?

If you’re unaware, Falwell, like many other Christians, [unfortunately] believe that we can trash the Earth as much as we want as it doesn’t matter. How come? Well, because Jesus, much like Captain Planet, is a hero, and is gonna take pollution down to zero...upon his return!

Call me cynical (you should, it’s in the blog title anyway), but I’m also thinking the good Lord over at Exxon Mobile also has something to do with Falwell’s sudden urge to speak out against the threat of global warming, warning Christians to be “responsible environmentalists,” but not “first class nuts.”
Nevermind those little blips in scripture about protecting God's creations. They're probably typos.

Now what exactly would Falwell rather spend his time talking about? Well, he is the same person that once promoted racial segregation as the Lord’s will. He’s also the same “Christian” that championed apartheid in South Africa, and opposed Nelson Mandela’s release from prison. I’ve already established that he hates gays, so what else is there to talk about? Oh, wait, Hillary Clinton, the last fight in his “holy task” of continuing on the legacy of promoting white male suffrage. He has to keep the fancy lady/devil woman who wears pants and rocks a short cut out of office.

"My goal is to do my little part to preserve America for our children and grandchildren, the kind of America that I grew up in."

Yes, I’ve read about his America: I’m not humming old Negro spirituals while standing in line for the colored water fountain so this fool can reminisce about happier times.

And just look at what he has to say about his fellow Christians: "Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions."

Get to work, Planeteers!

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Tuesday, March 06, 2007
1:59 PM


Foxy Brown: Cheesecake Thief

 


And she’s been considered crazy for nearly a decade.

Fresh off of getting yet another pass from the judge - instantly reigniting fear in Asian nail technicians everywhere in the process - the poster child for anger management and delusions of grandeur herself, Foxy Brown is making the news again. And surprise, surprise, it concerns pilferage.

Who’s the Ill Na Na stealing from this week? Apparently, it’s famed Brooklyn restaurant, and Making the Band Season 2 members most treasured music industry memory, Juniors.

According to owners, much like her habit of lying about album release dates and discovering new ethnicities to claim every six months or so, Foxy also likes to skip out on paying for her meals.

On last Friday Foxy dined on fried calamari and ice cream soda (That combination gets the same reaction I give to her fuchsia lipstick: eww.), then left without paying the $53 bill. Someone from her entourage (Ha!) came back to settle the bill, though the manager declined, instead asking that the rapper never return.

You know it’s bad when a manager for a restaurant on Flatbush asks you not to come back.

It was just last week that Foxy told reporters after her court hearing that she was on the road to recovery from the dreaded, “I’m a psychopathic bitch” disease: “I believe Judge Jackson believes I'm trying to work hard. She seems to be saying, 'I'm pulling for you, kiddo.' She's seeing the maturity in me and she believes in me. I'm at the rebuilding stage as a person,” the habitual liar said.

But, judging from this recent article on Foxy’s banishment from Juniors, it doesn’t seem like Foxy’s grown much at all.

"First of all, none of the waiters want to serve her because she's known for cursing out people, so the [night] manager took her order," said Stainrod, the daytime boss, who said Foxy's fave is the strawberry cheesecake.

No wonder Foxy champions Naomi Campbell so much. Oh wait, it gets better.

After ordering fried calamari and an ice cream soda, Brown spilled the drink on herself, then allegedly demanded the restaurant pay to clean her "$2,000 Dolce & Gabbana jacket." "She said 'Get this guy to clean it up, clean it up immediately!' " said Stainrod. "The manager told her to take it easy, relax, she started to curse him out, she said 'F- you.' "
Classy.

Foxy is always talking about what she has on and how much it cost. I don't know why she's acting like that, considering she can just steal another one anyway. You would think someone who hasn’t had a major hit since the late 90s would have learned a bit of humility by now.
I’d love for her to talk about this, though:


Note to Foxy: It’s just as necessary to styles in Burberry as it is to pay your taxes. And if you keep acting like a walking advertisement for psychotherapy, you and those Frankie B. jeans will be doing a mean walk in jail…bwoy.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Saturday, March 03, 2007
11:51 PM


Try Puerto Rican Next Time

 


If you’re African American, you’ve probably heard this statement uttered from other blacks spanning several different complexions and hair textures: “I got Indian in my family.”

More often than not, that Indian relative comes in the form of the Korean beauty supply owner who sells them packages of their “naturally” silky and straight “good hurr” with a side of Sesame Chicken. So many of our own have yet to fully accept that a plastic bag of hair, a VHS copy of Pocahontas, and referring to someone as “Chief” doesn’t make you an aboriginal. For those of you still clinging on to the fantasy, one tribe has news for all of you all claiming to be 1/333rd Cherokee:

To the left, to the left, take ya false-claiming black ass to left. Actually, even if you’re telling the truth, they still don’t want to be associated with you.

Part monetary-issue, though arguably an issue fueled mainly by the racist sentiments held by those protesting, the 250,000-member Cherokee Nation will be holding a special election today to determine whether or not to ban “freedman” - the descendants of former tribal slaves, from membership.

"Don't get taken advantage of by these people. They will suck you dry," Darren Buzzard, an advocate of expelling the freedmen, wrote last summer in a widely circulated e-mail denounced by freedmen. "Don't let black freedmen back you into a corner. PROTECT CHEROKEE CULTURE FOR OUR CHILDREN. FOR OUR DAUGHTER[S] . . . FIGHT AGAINST THE INFILTRATION."

You would think if any group would be able to expound on the virtues of tolerance and acceptance, it would be a Native American. Then again, you have to take into account that black people are always being expelled from something, so this type of ignorance, no matter how hypocritical, is to be expected.

That totem pole isn’t looking so hot right now, is it?

For the record, I have never claimed to be part-Cherokee. My mama always told me that we had relatives from the Alabama-Coushutta tribe in our family tree (a tree I’m sure some uncle of mine has tried to smoke).
I bet they have a better casino anyway.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 4 Comments

10:35 PM


This Week In Setting The Race Back

 


We're only a few days removed from Black History Month, and already people are showing that now more than ever do we need a racial draft. Click here to see what I mean. The video posted on the site shows 17-year-old Demetris McCoy teaching his 2-and-5-year-old nephews how to smoke weed. Nothing screams family values baby's first blunt. Since Demetris wants to teach little children to smoke blunts, now he'll have to deal with the reality of smoking dick for the next couple of years. All's well that ends well.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments