5, 4, 3, 2, 1....

You miss cable the second you no longer have it. Thanks to the generosity of a friend, I was able to view the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards. Is it wrong to say I'm refraining from commenting too much because Viacom has been good to me? Probably so, but lemme 'lone. I just want to host the show myself. I'll leave it at that. But I will ask why would an award show whose premise is to award those for putting forth excellence in the [lost] art of music video making hand out an award for best ringtone?
In a word, yawn.

Yawn for Justin. Did he say "Bye Bye Bye" to his choreographer? His rhythm seems to be.....goooone.

Yawn for Christina "I Will Beat You With My Voice Until You Realize I Can Saaaang Dammit" Aguilera. She started off just fine, and then the over singing that was bound to happen did happen. Subtly goes a long way, Christina. Just ask Mariah Carey.

Yawn to that band on the treadmill that I've never heard of. People find that clever? Really?

Snore to Jake Black. I know he has a following but his humor has never provided me with any significant amount of laughter. Nacho Libre just made me yearn for Taco Bell/Cabana/Pappacito's.

The only thing that really caught my attention was all of the sore loser looks on the faces of Christina Aguilera, Chris Brown, and Mr. Humble himself, Kanye West. Chris looked like his mom just yelled, "Didn't I tell your ass to be in the house once the street lights come on!" I feel bad for him.

Beyonce looked genuinely shocked she won for Best R&B Video. Sort of like, "Ya'll really giving me an award for this song? It was a joke." Slim Thug looked happy as hell to be on stage, didn't he? Like, I damn sure wasn't going to make it on stage doing videos with LeToya. Just kidding, Toya. I'm sure she'll get there soon. Shout out to Hiram Clarke.

Back to Beyonce. "Ring The Alarm...I been through this too long...but I'll be damned if I don't bite the dance routine of my favorite Janet song."

I guess since Janet is no longer welcomed, she might as well be there in spirit. Good job for keeping the spirit of Damita alive, Beyonce Jackson.

T.I. was dull. I usually like his energy, but the song he performed is almost as old as the story of the Amistad, and watching little off beat chirren snap to an unsnappable song isn't entertaining. Neither was watching Ludacris, an awkward looking Pharrell, and a strutting Nicole and her slave dolls perform "Money Maker." Is it me or does Ludacris look like a mini Steve Harvey. You know, young Steve Hightower back in the '70s when he first penned the lyrics to "Break Me Off A Piece of That Funk."

That's all I can remember from that show, which just goes to show you how hard I've been attempting to get my current dilemma(s) off my brain.

The show needed three things: Me in a house with internet and cable. Me not needing a bucket to flush the toilet. And a performance from Britney Spears.