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Sunday, March 02, 2008
6:36 PM

Always Depressing. Always


I really hate stepping inside of the Wal-mart up the street from me. It's just something about the lightning and the people there that is so depressing. I never see Girl Scouts selling cookies outside of this one, but I wouldn't be surprised if I popped up one day and caught a 2 for 1 sale on Jesus pics and Barack Obama t-shirts. Unfortunately, since I haven't found a sponsor yet (applications are still being accepted), this time I had to step inside of the Walmart that reminds me of a carwash on MLK (any carwash).

While waiting, I made some keen observations, and learned a couple of lessons, like:

1. If you are a flat chested female, do not get a tattoo in the middle of your chest.

2. Combs are your friend.

3. So is cocoa butter.

4. I need to pick up a second language.

5. McDonalds is scary.

6. So are women with gold teeth.

7. Kids are really fat these days.

8. I say damn, kids are really fat these days.

9. Skates on shoes are annoying. It's a store, not the set of Rollbounce.

10. Some beauticians are evil. No one's head should look like a big ocean wave.

11. Female facial hair is scary.

12. You don't wear house shoes with church socks.

13. Koolaid is a drink, not a hair color.

14. I need to get some money, so I can move to an area with a nicer Walmart.

15. No, I need to make enough money so I can afford Target.

Just wanted to prove no matter where you are you can still learn something. Go forth and spread the wisdom.

Disclaimer: Should Walmart want to sponsor this blog, or my life, I'm down for singing in a different key. I mean, I'm just bashing the local hood Walmart, not that pretty Super Walmart that sells groceries. Just something to consider.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at