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Friday, March 14, 2008
9:11 AM



Talking About Your Sex Tape

We get it. You are into sexual voyeurism with talentless, Black-peen chasing daughters of famous defense attorneys. Who have you slept with lately? Actually, don’t answer that because I don’t care. Sure, there are obliviously people that do. But for those of us that are trying to figure out what reasons are you relevant outside of making internet porn, we’d like to hear something about you that won’t lead to a follow-up at the clinic. Thanks.

Turning Comic Book Series Into Films

Not even Ed Norton can get me to use my outdated student ID to get a discount to pay for this. Wasn’t there already An Incredible Hulk film that crashed and burn a few years ago? Take the hint. As for Ed: Good luck with your Obama documentary. I imagine that doing much better than this movie.


Both campaigns have now agreed to an April 16 Philadelphia debate, hosted by ABC. Obama, however, is insisting on an April 19 CBS debate as well — in North Carolina. It would be hosted by Katie Couric and Bob Schieffer. Clinton hasn't accepted the second debate, but Obama spokesman Bill Burton says that Obama won't make one contingent on the other.

How many times are they going to debate their minimal policy differences for two minutes, then go back-and-forth over healthcare for two hours? Will I watch it? Yes, I’ll be suckered into it out of curiosity. Do I expect to hear anything different from the other 20+ debates? Not in the least.

Reciting Poems on Other People’s Tracks

Must Diddy Puff recite monologues on every Bad Boy artists’ track? Instead of reciting sonnets on Danity Kane’s singles, book an appearance on Def Poetry instead. That or take it back to the shorter, simpler “Take that, take that” days.

Recyling Beats

If I hear one more fake “Irreplaceable” track I’m going to dig into some old rich lady’s purse and book me a flight to Norway, break into Stargate’s studio, and delete that beat off of the computer. You must not know ‘bout me.


I really don’t know what to call it, but stop it. Why does he look like he’s about to go climb the Empire State building?

Recycling Ideas

The CW is developing a spin-off of Aaron Spelling’s teen soap Beverly Hills, 90210, reports The Hollywood Reporter. Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas is in talks to write the spin-off project about the world’s most popular zip code.

Isn’t that what The OC was? How many pale rich kids with problems does the world need? Come up with something new. Then again, I wouldn't be surprised if millions of people watch this.


I want to see those last two episodes of The Boondocks, dammit. I’m still waiting to find out if Moesha got pregnant. I don’t need another cliffhanger.

Falling In and Out of “Love”

Even your baby mama is tired of it. Go fall in love with the whooper. Judging from your crown, you and Burger King would make a lovely couple.

Getting Arrested For Dumb S*it

In the trunk, police said they found 29 hollow-point bullets wrapped in a sock and $19,500 rolled in small bundles and hidden in a plastic bag filled with "hundreds of Jolly Rancher" candies.

Why did you have so many Jolly ranchers on you anyway? Diabetes is as real as album pushbacks, LaRon.

Starting Clothing Lines

It’s getting to the point now where people famous for not wearing clothes are starting clothing lines.

And now:

We have people that dress like walking night lights starting clothing lines. Does Ross really need anymore forgotten lines?

Reality Shows

We are this close to having an interracial dwarf couple have a dance-off competition with two bi-curious twins. The madness must be stopped.

Passing Her The Mic

She's still talking. Who keeps letting her out of Shady Pines?

The Cynical Ones.
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