If you were wondering where I've been hiding (well not really me so much as my smart ass posts, right?), I've been living under a rock named Ike. A hurricane the size of Texas bitch-slapped the city of Houston and just about every single power line in the metropolitan area. So, I haven't had electricity for a while. I just got it back today.

I figured a few of you might be curious to know what it's like to endure a major hurricane (it was one mile away from being a category 3, and it shared some characteristics with a category 4) bitch slapping you, so instead of finding random comments posted or getting any emails or MySpace messages about a bitch named Ike, I've prepared a short Q&A.

Q: What is it like to go through a hurricane?
A: Fucked up without cable...or a roof.

Q: How long have you been without electricity?
A: Too damn long.

Q: What did you do to keep yourself busy?
A: Be pissed off. Wait in line for ice and water. Mull possible escape options. Survey major damage to my sister's home. Try to watch movies on battery-powered mini DVD players for like 2 hours. Curse out my jacked up laptop. Listen to my iPod. Be angry some more. Pray. Read.

Q: Don't you know it could've been worse? Think about Katrina.
A: Shut up, bitch. Don't you think I know that? Yes, of course I'm thankful to be alive and be grouchy. Some people lost their homes and lives. I know that more than anyone.

FYI: New Orleans was not hit directly by Katrina. What happened was those levees were breached (conveniently in an impoverished area of the city that developers sought to gentrify) and the administration elected foolishly by the electorate dropped the ball on the heads of the people of New Orleans.

By contrast, Ike's side eye made a direct hit for Houston and thus we were forced to eat the cake via wind damage. It's not fun trying to peak out of a window hoping the century's old tree that's doing the shoulder lean thanks to hurricane force winds doesn't fall on your house (with you in it) or that the glass you're watching through gives you the glass eye remix.

And as far as devastation goes, while Houston was only dropkicked say a prayer for Galveston because that island was demolished. I'm not sure if the death thirsty news media waited to shift their news coverage long enough to let you all be privy to that information.

Q: Why don't you move?
A: Why don't you pay my bills? I'm leaving soon enough, but unless you're chipping in, you know what to do.

Q: How can one survive without the internet?
A: Beats the hell out of me.

Q: What's the first thing you did when the lights came on?
A: Drop and give 'em 50. No, I thanked God then went on with plans to go see Tyler Perry's new movie. Last night all of the homes around us saw their lights flicker on. It was like a stare down on my non-electricity having house. And it was hot as hell, so I was determined to go see this movie since Ike changed plans last week. I didn't want to bootleg the man, so yeah. Good movie, by the way.

Q: Were you writing during the blackout?
A: A little, but mainly curse words.

A: Have you heard....?
A: No, I didn't have any power!