While people are still laughing at Keyshia Cole for dressing like the chick that gave JJ Evans VD on that episode of Good Times at the De La Hoya fight, many have been distracted from news of her true crime: Fucking up a Mary J. Blige song.
As odd as it may be in hindsight, Mary J. Blige's My Life was my shit. It doesn't matter if I was 10. The album was good. And one of my favorite songs from the album is "I Love You." When word leaked that Keyshia Cole was going to remake the track with Lil' Wayne, I had a feeling it was going to turn out awful.
But to call it awful would be like saying the U.S. economy is only slighty bad. Or that O.J. Simpson is only a little stupid.
I know the remake was intended to pay homage to Mary, but after listening to it I can't help but wonder if Mary owes Keyshia money or slept with her man? You would think it was a diss record. You mad, Keyshia?
I happen to like Keyshia Cole. I like the fact that she's trying really hard to better herself. Sure, she's been looking like Betty Boop and the Roadunner in the process, but you can't knock a girl for trying.
But back to this song. I don't get the logic. She's already compared to Mary, and when she decides to cover one of her songs, she goes and records something like that? She was smart enough not to include this on her album. It would have been even smarter to destroy any record of this song ever being recorded.
She better be lucky Mary is fine, fine, fine, fine, fine now. If we were talking '95 Mary she might have cracked open a crack pipe and cut up Keyshia. Man down.
I would place some of the blame on Wayne, too, but given the fact that he'd add his rhymes to the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles theme song if offered, I already knew he didn't care if the song sounded good or not.
But Keyshia ought to know better. I don't want to encourage Black on Black violence, but I wouldn't be mad if Mary and Kendu jump them.
As I write this, D'Angelo's cover of Prince's "She's Always In My Hair" just came on my iPod. Now that's a remake. Granted, I can barely understand a word he's saying, but at least his mumbles are on key. Live and learn, Keyshia. Live and learn.
You have no idea how ecstatic I am that the queen of bedazzle, biscuits, and blond wigs’ return is on the horizon. In September, the woman that earned me my fist stan card will be back on stage. I don’t know why I ever thought I wanted her to go away.
Award shows just aren’t the same without Beyonce. If you saw the BET awards, you know what I’m saying. Yes, Rihanna’s vocals have improved, but she can’t move a crowd with her voice or her sex shop themed stage customs. Well, I suppose the latter can move a certain portion of the crowd, but it’s not like I’m trying to do her. The more I learn about her, the more I think about the free clinic.
Enjoy fellas…and ladies (Yeah I think that chick is bi, so…)…but don’t let it turn your piece into a bottle of hot sauce. I’m just saying.
As beautiful as Rihanna is, and as catchy as her music has become to me, it’s just not enough anymore.
I need more.
Someone that’s not going to just give me pretty poses; I need a singer to get stank with it.
Someone that knows that after a while that same old two-step won’t cut it anymore. If you’re going to walk around looking like you could give me change for a 50 in singles, you better know how to work the pole.
For the record, I am not being sexist. This is how a friend once described my dancing at the club: “Yeah you dance really sexual. Like it’s the first of the month and rent is due.”
Someone, who despite running their song into the ground will at least make the attempt to put another spin on it the millionth time they’ perform it. Forget ya’ll: That country remix to “Irreplaceable” was hot.
Someone your mama can’t hate on like, “Who is that asking for their tonsils to be removed in this song?” Someone that won’t get the side-eye from the older crowd.
In a nutshell, I need my Beyonce back.
OK, so she makes asinine comments all the time to the point where I want to hold a book drive in her honor. But you know what? If I have to look at the rest of these generic wig glue using non-singing rhythm-disabled chicks for another year, I’ll lose my mind.
Say all the stupid shit you want, Bee. If I speak on it, I’ll do so with a smile on my face. Hell, I’ll probably agree with you out of sheer gratitude.
Her little sister likes to go on and on…and on about how different they are. She’s not lying. Despite some objections to her persona, I respect what Solange is trying to do. But she’s right: They are different. Beyonce doesn’t walk around looking like a can of Sunkist. If another Knowles makes it, go Mathew’s check account balance. If not, well, Beyonce, that just means you need to stay around a little longer to support Baby Daniel and the Miss Tina line, now don’t you?
In hindsight, I think all I wanted was a new sound and a different wig from her. Something darker, shorter, less Malibu-Barbie inspired.
But however she decides to return, I welcome it.
This is dedicated to you Beyawnsay:
I almost went with the remix, but ya'll get the point.
Beyonce: I will set up your fan on stage and pick up every package of Indian hair you order. I'll even bring the two piece. There's a .89 cent special at Popeyes on Tuesdays. Whatever it takes. Just come back.
P.S. But don’t be on no bullshit. Look what happened to Usher.
