Senator Larry Craig is not gay. I repeat, Senator Larry Craig is not gay. Accusations that Craig approached a police officer through a crack in a restroom stall door and for two minutes made gestures that suggested he wanted to engage in "lewd conduct" are completely false --- because Senator Larry Craig is not gay.

"Craig would look down at his hands, 'fidget' with his fingers, and then look through the crack into my stall again," Karsnia wrote in documents accompanying the arrest report.

That's not something I would do, but perhaps we don't know the circumstances. Maybe all of the stalls were taken and he wanted to rush him out or something. Or maybe that's how nervous guys like him make new friends. Doesn't mean he's gay!

Craig said the officer misinterpreted his actions.

Because he's not gay!

After he was taken for questioning, the police report says, Craig pulled out of a Senate business card and asked the officer: "What do you think of that?"

I find the notion of there being a number of self-hating conservative Republicans knee-deep in the closet to be completely and utterly preposterous.

The officer wrote that he was on a plainclothes detail in the restroom because of citizen complaints and arrests for sexual activity there.

So Craig went into a restroom known for being a secret outlet for gay men and gay men with straight titles to have recess. And?

Karsnia wrote that when the person occupying the stall beside him left, Craig entered it and blocked the door with his rolling suitcase.

Maybe he just wanted to put pressure on the door just in case the guy may have tipped over.

"My experience has shown that individuals engaging in lewd conduct use their bags to block the view from the front of their stall," the officer said in his report.

Left-wing propaganda.

The senator then tapped his right foot, "a signal used by persons wishing to engage in lewd conduct," Karsnia wrote, and Craig ran his left hand several times underneath the partition dividing the stalls.

Democrats never quit, do they?

"The presence of others did not seem to deter Craig as he moved his right foot so that it touched the side of my left foot, which was within my stall area," the officer's report said.

So touching someone's foot in a restroom after you block their stall while making hand gestures that symbolize some sexual act to another person of the same sex makes you gay?

When the police interviewed him later, the senator said that "he has a wide stance when going to the bathroom" and that was why his foot may have touched the officer's, the report said.

Touched his foot in a straight way, obviously.

Craig also told police that he had reached down to the floor to pick up a piece of paper, the officer wrote.

And this is what Craig gets for his courtesy.

"It should be noted that there was not a piece of paper on the bathroom floor, nor did Craig pick up a piece of paper," Karsnia wrote.

Oh he lied. Well, lying doesn't make you a homosexual, homophobe.

"During the interview, Craig either disagreed with me or 'didn't recall' the events as they happened."

Heterosexuals have too much on their mind to pay attention to every little detail.

After Craig ran his hand underneath the partition wall three times, Karsnia held his police identification down by the floor so the senator could see it, the report said.

"With my left hand near the floor, I pointed towards the exit. Craig responded, 'No!'

As in, "No! I'm not gay." Duh.

"I again pointed towards the exit. Craig exited the stall with his roller bags without flushing the toilet," Karsnia wrote.

I can't help you there, homie. That's nasty.

Sen. Larry Craig said that he "overreacted and made a poor decision" in pleading guilty to disorderly conduct after his June arrest following an incident in a Minneapolis airport bathroom.

For the record, it was his heterosexuality that helped him come to his senses. Not his lawyer, political advisers, or beard/wife.

If you've been questioned about the ghey since the 80s, you would distance yourself from any charge, too. Especially when you're straight.

Labels: politics as usual