You mean to tell me Rick Ross isn't really a drug czar? I would have never guessed despite no one talking about Rick Ross' drug cartel past besides Rick Ross on wax. The next thing you'll tell me is that Lil' Wayne is a fake Blood and my toilet paper goes harder than The Game.

If there's anything to learn from the Ricky Ross controversy it's that people need to learn how to lie better.

Remember when pictures of Eve getting a tongue-assisted vaginal massage from a fellow stripper surfaced a few years back? Her response was "photoshop" although if you look at the grainy picture, her facial expressions suggested she was being sexually aroused. That or she makes really interesting facial expressions at interesting angles. Besides, the notion that Eve much less any random stripper could be bisexual (or at least gay for pay) isn't all that hard to believe. Lucky for her, though, that by the time the pictures leaked to the web the only Eve people still cared about was the fruit snatcher from the Bible.

Borrowing from the Eve playbook, Ross initially went with the same trite "photoshop" excuse.

He told All Hip Hop:

"My life is 100% real. These online hackers putting a picture of my face when I was a teenager in high school on other peoples' body. If this s**t was real don't you think they would have more specifics, like dates and everything?”

Officer Ross could have done better than the "I looked 40 in high school" excuse. Oh and once specifics leaked (his start date, his salary, his SSN) he claimed the documents were forged.

Oh I get it. The haters and the government joined together in a secret conspiracy to bring down Rick Ross. This heinous plot was unleashed to soil his rising popularity and growing influence. You know, so the world won't lose any sleep over the biggest boss that we've seen thus far.

Look, I understand that it's standard for many artists to have delusions of grandeur, but who does homie think he is? Rick Bourne? No one cares that much. We have many coke rappers out there -- some of whom have actually sold coke.

Why didn't he just say that the CO job was a cover? Or maybe hint that he was a crooked corrections officer. I would still look at him as an obese version of Mr. T. who has only pushed weight on the scale, but there are plenty of fools out there who would accept either lie.

He's not alone, though. From the carefully scripted fallacies of The Hills to the too good to be true drug cartel stories of Rick Ross, we're all being sold fairytales.

You don't have to go far from Ross' Miami locale to find another liar in the fold. While he often sounds like he just finished his shift picking cotton, more and more people have talked to me about how different Plies sounds in interviews than on his albums. Yes, Plies can read. So well in fact that he just started a scholarship foundation. He should probably be commended for that since the foundation is geared toward offering legal services to the incarcerated while also helping them rehabilitate, but that would counter the image he's crafted for himself.

I know for a fact that there are a bunch of kids sitting in juvenile hall idolizing Plies and Lil' Wayne. Plies for doing time (although that's never been confirmed) and Wayne for...well being Wayne.

Each of them have made a fortune off their naivete as the bulk of these kids who try to mimic their tales end up dead, in jail, or become addicts. Speaking of addicts, Lil' Wayne can boast about a great life, but here's a thought: Drug addicts aren't happy. No one points that out, though. Everyone's too busy pretending to be Italian, or Cuban, or Frank Lucas, or Jay-Z, or someone else that's pretending themselves.

The only other lesson in this could be to learn when to shut up. Rick Bourne aggravated the situation by denying initial reports and then telling people to find more proof. And even after said proof surfaced he still denied his past. Now actual people are going to come out to say what we already know now: Rick Ross is a lying ass liar.

Will it kill his career? I doubt it, and even if it did, there's another Dr. Suess out there ready to take his place.

Labels: fat boy files, you's a lie