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Wednesday, August 06, 2008
10:15 AM

WSJ to Obama: You Need Seconds


I thought we were making progress. I felt that despite our growing differences, we were finally beginning to coalesce around a candidate we felt shared our goal of turning this country around. But just when I begin to think this country was starting to get over its hangups, I read a Wall Street Journal article that confirms my greatest fear: Thinphobia is alive and well.

In the article, "Too Fit to Be President," writer and hating ass hater, Amy Chozick ponders whether or not the greatest symbol of success for skinny men since pre-wite-out Michael Jackson is too slim to win the presidency.

Big Chozick writes:

But in a nation in which 66% of the voting-age population is overweight and 32% is obese, could Sen. Obama's skinniness be a liability? Despite his visits to waffle houses, ice-cream parlors and greasy-spoon diners around the country, his slim physique just might have some Americans wondering whether he is truly like them.

So because most of this country looks like a bottle of Welch's, Barack Obama isn't like everyone else? Why couldn't the author point out that we all die. That's something that ties us together. All she had to follow that up with is note that some of us choose to die differently. Personally, I'd rather die from natural causes or some terrible freak accident that takes me out in a millisecond over my heart jumping out of my body because it's can't wait for another fish sandwich fix.

Why is this in the Wall Street Journal anyway? Do they not have a floundering economy to cover?

As if this article's premise weren't offensive enough, Heavy C injects the opinions of bigoted big folks to slant her article and further offend slim and sessy people the world over.

"He's too new ... and he needs to put some meat on his bones," says Diana Koenig, 42, a housewife in Corpus Christi, Texas, who says she voted for Sen. Hillary Clinton in the Democratic primary.

"I won't vote for any beanpole guy," another Clinton supporter wrote last week on a Yahoo politics message board.

These people are just fishing for reasons not to vote for Obama. First he's not Black enough. Then he becomes too black. Soon after he was too educated. Later he it was an issue of him being too popular. Now he's too healthy. Why are people so worried about his waistline being thin when their wallet is bulimic?

Sen. Obama drew cringes on a campaign stop in Adel, Iowa, in July 2007, when he asked a crowd of farmers: "Anybody gone into a Whole Foods lately and seen what they charge for arugula?" The upscale supermarket specializing in organic food doesn't have a single store in Iowa.

OK, so that wasn't smart, and I admit that I had to Google 'arugula' when I first heard about this. Still, what does some spiffy lettuce have to do with preventing a bunch of terrorist from blowing me up in a subway car?

Lately, Sen. Obama is more careful. On a campaign stop in Lebanon, Mo., on Wednesday, Sen. Obama visited with voters at Bell's Diner and promptly announced "Well, I've had lunch today but I'm thinking maybe there is some pie."

He settled on fried chicken and told the crowd he's become a junk-food lover. "The healthy people, we'll give them the breasts," he told the waitress. "I'll eat the wings."

I don't know who he thinks he's fooling, especially after you read about that uber-healthy menu he set up for the DNC. Barack: Don't let them do you. I know you were praying that those wings weren't fried, and we both know some people are still going to want to slap you with a bottle of Crisco. Besides, the pundits used to joke about Gore's weight years ago, and they said Bill Richardson was too fat to be president. How did their presidential bids turn out? In the end many of them are more pressed about your complexion than your frame, so if you worked the phrase "no pork in my fork" into your lexicon, don't backtrack now.

This has got to be one of the stupidest issues of the ever growing list of stupid issues related to the 2008 presidential election.

And ya'll wonder why I wrote the Skinny Swagger Salute. I will say that it gives me hope that I, too, can become President. I'm not that far away from Obama. I couldn't do any worse than Bush.

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