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Monday, October 20, 2008
9:04 AM

That's Racist


White people: some of your folk take us for fools. You mean to tell me taking Obama’s face, a bucket of chicken, watermelon, Kool-Aid and ribs and slapping them on a food stamp has no racist implications? Maybe that type of failed logic goes over well with the cousin-fucking crowd, but not everyone is that dense.

I was hoping with this election more people would be forthright about their racism. That what we can get a little dialogue going; we can’t really move forward if people don’t come clean about their prejudices and stereotyping. But the bulk of these bigots seem to bitch up when given the golden opportunity to share their views in front of an audience.

So to lead by example:

1. Have you ever eaten Chinese food and felt like barking afterwards? I have sometimes, particularly after eating General Tso’s Mystery Meat from this Chinese take-out place in D.C. Then a friend took me to a place called Olive and Sesame in B-More. The best sesame chicken I’ve ever had and I’m confident it came from an actual bird. I felt really bad about my ignorance thereafter. Then again, was I wrong for realizing the “chicken” from the other place tasted like like Laffy Taffy?

2. When I’m driving and I’m cut-off and almost turned into a crash dummy, I instinctively assume it’s a Mexican behind the wheel. I would try to maintain political correctness and say I’m usually wrong, but that would be lying and lying is wrong. Sorry, my brown brethren, but you know some of your folk can’t drive. Then again, I've only parallel parked once and when I first started driving I scared some of my friends. I believe some of them are still afraid. They're just punks, though.

3. I’m not normally afraid of Arabs, but there was this one time I considered calling the snitch line after watching someone on the bus in D.C. In my defense, I had just seen a special that spotlighted Arabs who cut their hair to try and look Hispanic in order to fool their way into the country and blow it up. I was a little paranoid for a minute. Anyway, I thought this guy was Hispanic until I saw his some of what he was writing. It looked like he was taking notes. He caught me watching, and proceeded to stare me down as if he were about to declare a personal jihad against me. Maybe he thought I was going to rob him. That would normally warrant the side-eye, but hell, two Black men jacked me at gun point, too. Go figure!

4. I don’t think white people are inherently nasty the way others do, but when Bristol Palin licked her hand and rubbed it on her little brother’s head at the Republican convention, that wasn’t helping discount that theory. Neither does sitting on the ground in a public street having a picnic. I’m referring to notoriously clean streets of New York where rats the size of Serena’s ass skip around the street in broad daylight. I can’t tell you how many times I saw that. Eww, vanilla. Eww.

On the other hand, fast-food restaurants in predominately white areas tend to be way cleaner than the ones 'round my way. Don't be mad. It's true.

5. Sometimes I just hate Black people.

You see? Was that so hard?

We all dabble in stereotypes, and some of them are spot on but most of them are dead wrong. I can admit I'm sometimes ignorant and I can do better, why can't these folks admit they're racist as hell? That's the only way any of us can use those food stamps to buy them a clue.

Your turn.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at