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Monday, May 11, 2009
2:00 AM

Breakaway From Seconds


I can already predict how this is going to go. The blogs will run wild with this photo, leading the tabloids to comment on how fat she's gotten. Then, eventually Kelly Clarkson will be asked to comment on her obvious weight gain, which will lead her to pull a Tyra Banks and tell the world to kiss her fat ass.

Instead of the world doing the right thing and telling her we don't have that kind of time, most will champion her for fighting the unrealistic standards of beauty the media places upon people.

I'll be the first to admit that not everyone is meant to be a stick figure, but at the same time not everyone is meant to walk around like they're caring twins called Snickers and Twix.

I like Kelly Clarkson and I appreciate her for a number of different reasons. She can actually sing and despite gaining fame from the most corporate and packaged shows on television, she managed to break away from that and try her hardest to be respected as a genuine artist. Although she fell flat on her face with the second album trying to do her music completely her way, I respect her for trying.

Still, she's fat. When I first saw this picture I thought it was photoshopped.

Then I saw a second picture and realized that she's been hitting the Chinese buffet too hard. Look at her: She looks ready to throw some BBQ sauce on the mic and make herself an on stage snack.

As a former fatty, I'm not grilling her for simply being overweight. She looks unhappy and more importantly, she looks really unhealthy. That can only lead to additional problems -- including more difficulties singing live. Ya'll have seen Aretha try to sing. Poor thing blows out more wind than your average hurricane during a performance.

I don't know if she's eating so much to help cope with she's been forced to go back to recording with the cookie cutter hit makers she swore off or what, but I'm going to need her to go run a couple of laps before she morphs into Roseanne.


The Cynical Ones.
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