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Tuesday, April 28, 2009
12:01 AM


Turn That Shit Off

 

I avoid the radio, so that's why I haven't done a post like this in a long time. But, after listening to LA radio play the same four songs on four separate stations within four minutes of each other all damn day all the damn time has brought me back to this.

The Black Eyed Peas: "Boom Boom Paw"

This song is basically "Planet Rock" only they added the noises a child would make while playing with robots, and just for kicks, they told Fergie to talk/sing/rap/whatever that is and release her inner whiny 8-year-old girl. I know the BEP catch a lot of flack from people who loathe their entire existence. I don't hate them like that, but I will say every time I watch one of their videos or hear one of their songs, I expect to hear "brought to you by McDonalds" or Verizon Wireless or the Democratic National Committee after it'sd one. Everything about them seems corporate. But hey, if ya'll like, I'll tolerate it.

I only have one favor to ask: Could you not play this shit every damn other second? Like seriously.

Flo'Rida: "Right Round"

I.Hate.This.Song. My goodness, it's terrible. I'm not mad at Flo'Rida for opting to cater to the pale and privileged, but yikes, could he at least try to get the rest of us to like his songs? I actually don't mind the original song it lifts from, but Flo'Rida's version -- again, did I mention how terrible this is? Please make it stop.

Soulja Boy feat. Sammie: "Kiss Me Through The Phone"

Honestly, I hadn't heard this song in full until last Thursday, and I'm very grateful for that because this song irritates the hell out of me. I'm not mad at Soulja Boy proving the naysayers wrong and amassing another major radio hit, but why hasn't someone taught this lil' Negro how to read yet? He still sounds three days removed from slavery.

Oh and the lyrics to this song are even simpler than the person delivering it.
Baby I've been thinkin
Lately so much about u
Everything about u
I like it, I love it
Kissing u in public
Thinking nothing of it
Roses by the dozen
Talkin on da phone
Baby u so sexy
Really?

Negro, why iz u so simple
I can't help but giggle
Yo, you got me showing my dimples
And shit
Can't believe this is bull is a hit
I would tell you to get bent
But I know your ass ain't legit
Thank God it won't be long
Before your ass is gone
But until then I'll be hoping every gul leaves you with dialtone

As Trina would say, WE-MIX, WE-MIX.

Lady GaGa: "Poker Face" & "Just Dance"

I like Lady GaGa. I find her to be a breath of fresh air. She's fun, she can actually sing, and she seems like if she would still be dressing like her stylist has ADHD even if she weren't famous. But damn, can we get a new single please?

T.I. feat. Justin Timberlake: "Dead & Gone"

Actually, I'm sick of this song, "Live Ya Life," and "Whatever You Like." I'm a T.I.P. fan, but he makes songs only for the radio now and since that mission has accomplished can we hold off on playing these damn songs until he's released from prison. That is, if he actually ever goes.

Soulja Boy: "Turn My Swag On"

Why won't that damn word die already?

Beyonce: "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)"

If he hasn't proposed by now he just doesn't want your ass. Ladies and gentleman, take the hint. And play "Video Phone" or "Sweet Dreams" instead. I like this song, and still find it useful, but save it for the clubs.

The Pussycat Dolls: "I Hate This Part"

Not only do I hate that part, but I hate the whole damn song. Am I the only one who thinks Nicole Shacadadowhoop sounds awful on this? No wonder Melody and 'nem are pissed at her: She's got the nerve to hog all of the parts and sing like her throat just got sprayed with mase.

G-Spot Boyz: "Do Da Stanky Legg"

G-Spot Boyz, GS Boyz, whatever they call themselves now: Enough. I actually still like the song thanks to Trina's WE-MIX, but the south has moved on. How about the rest of the country join them? There's the Ricky Bobby, the Halle Berry, and "Ice Cream Paint Job." Pick one of those and go.

Disclaimer: I realize some cities have already played the first two songs I mentioned, so if that applies to you, play "Ice Cream Paint Job." The rest of the country will catch up in like 6-8 months.

Remixes With Kanye

Yeah, not all of them work. See DJ Class' version of "I'm The Shit" featuring Kanye, or Beyonce's remix of "Ego" featuring Donatello West.

As for his own songs, I'm a little over "Heartless." Great song, but it's been played to death.

Hurry up and wear "So Amazing" out so I can hear "Paranoid" featuring Rihanna.

Those are all of the songs I can think of. Not that the radio actually plays more than a couple of songs all day anyway.

Which ones are ya'll sick of hearing?

And instead of these songs, what would you rather hear on the radio? I wish Solange's "T.O.N.Y." could get some additional spins.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at