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Friday, September 26, 2008
1:07 AM


You Are How You Sound

 


Have you ever listened to a song and thought the artist behind it smells like an egg and fish sandwich? If so, you’re like one of my friends who recently introduced me to a new concept: The way you sound might suggest how you smell.

Texting back and forth on Tuesday, I mentioned going to cop Jazmine Sullivan’s debut album. My friend responded by calling her Stinky Sullivan.

After I stopped laughing I asked for the story behind the name and was hit back with: “Becuz her voice make her sound like she stink. I’m not the only personal that said that either. Multiple people have said the same exact thing without me even bringing it up.”

Though I continued laughing I wrote all of this off but was refuted with: “Whateva! The girl sings like she don’t wash. Her voice just sounds smelly. Especially on bust your windows. Gross!”

This theory was back up for discussion yesterday so I asked for a second opinion. My sister laughed when I told her about all of this, noted it was mean, but did add she could get what my friend was saying. Something about how a person can sound really groggy like they didn’t brush their teeth. OK.

I’m still a bit unsure about all of this, but I thought about trying it myself. If you can base a person’s odor based on the tone of their voice, you should probably be able to infer other characteristics based on other arbitrary things, right?

So:


Lil’ Boosie: Looks like he can destroy a bathroom.
In the Ferrari or Jaguar, switchin four lanes
With the top down screamin out, money ain't a thang

J.D.: Sounds like he has bad credit.

Plies: Talks like his breath may smell like catfish. (It doesn’t help that he looks like an actual catfish.)

Lil’ Wayne: His hair seems like it reeks of cough syrup, weed, and Baby.

Jennifer Hudson: Her smile leads me to believe that she eats hog head cheese.

Akon: Sings hooks like someone who smells like incense.

R. Kelly: His voice makes him sound like he uses baby lotion to cover up the smell of ass and piss.


Ciara: Somebody else's scent.

Missy Elliot: Rhymes like her tongue is sponsored by Starkist.

Alicia Keys. With a voice like that, I bet she uses Right Guard.

Foxy Brown: Talks like someone who drinks a lot of Grape Soda.

Jazze Phea: The shape of his head suggests his breath has to smell like pork chops.

Ne-Yo: Sings like someone that wears Elizabeth Taylor: White Diamonds.

Rick Ross: His stomach looks like it's full of Hamburger Helper.

Jeezy: Speaks like his scent is sponsored by Old Spice.

Chris Brown: Sings like he smells like a box of animal crackers.

Remy: Sounds like her breath stinks….ooh, wait hold up. I think I get it now.

Maybe your voice really can say a lot about body odor.
Where have I been?

The Cynical Ones.
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