As I've made it clear multiple times in the past, I like ign't southern music. So much in fact that I don't think I can dance to anything else. Take this weekend for example. I was supporting my friend - a promoter - who was having this event at none of your damn business. I know what crowd he's into so I wasn't expecting to catch a case of the jigs. Sorry, techno music is not nor will it ever be my thing.
Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.
No. Hell no. You must be crazy. Negro, White Man, Asian, Latino, Arab, Mariah Carey please.
I can't do it. While I'm glad the event turned out well for him, I had to sneak in a midnight jig to satisfy my spirit. That led me to one of my favorite music blogs, Nola Bounce
. As you know, I love bounce music. I wish more people knew about it so they can get the credit they deserve. Shoot, half of ya'll are dancing to songs that swagger jack old bounce songs anyway.
That said, I check out this to find old gems or maybe new ones. Remember how I mentioned breaking my iPod dancing to "Sex Shooter" in the bathroom
? Yeah, I never recovered all of my songs. I try to get whatever I can from this site. They have classics like "Monkey On That Dick," old Juvi, etc.
Before you even go there: I know these songs are terrible. Some are all sorts of stupid and should not be supported by the likes of a college educated Black man. But yeah, I'm country as hell and bounce always does the trick. Forgive me, brother Malcolm.
Anyhow, I'm checking out the site and come across an entry entitled "That Obama Bounce."
I instantly sigh as I know where this is going.
Turns out the song is called "Barack That Ass & Make It Go Obama."
They have the nerve to take a standard bounce beat, mesh it with Mary J. Blige's beat from "No More Drama" (or I should say, the theme song to The Young & The Restless
) and toss in a few of the Obama campaign's slogans and make a two minute tribute to stupidity. Even I have my limits and this song has reached it.
You silly coloreds: It's people like ya'll who keep the Uncle Ruckus' of the world employed by Rupert Murdoch.
After I listened to this song I got the sudden urge to call the KKK and ask if they offer honorary memberships. Ooh, I love my people but some of ya'll make it too easy for Michael Jackson to swim in a pool of bleach. Why?!
Oh and it gets worse. Do ya'll know there is weed named after the President? That's right, I've heard people say they wanna smoke that Obama. I wanna lace their shit with Ritalin.
Come on, Black people. You can make dances out of funky legs, video games, or your favorite combo from Popeye's, but please let's not reduce the first Black president to "Barack that ass and make it Obama."
And even though Barack Obama himself has Newport mouth, that doesn't mean he wants you to name bricks after him. He wants you to read and stimulate your brain cells, not smoke a blunt and murk them.
The Cynical Ones.