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Tuesday, June 09, 2009
3:24 AM

Morning Jig


Yes, that's me dancing on the sidewalk. Don't act like you've never done it.

If you don't have health care and refuse to commit a crime, I have the next best solution to taking anti-depressant drugs. When you wake up in the morning, give yourself time to lounge around a little, meditate, maybe even channel your inner T-Boz -- do whatever morning vice(s) work for you basically. Then, turn on your computer or grab your iPod and turn on the most ignorant song you have. The second you start hearing some functioning illiterate talk about guns, ass, cash, or all of the above from your speakers or headphones, get up and dance.

If you have enough time, find another song and then repeat the step.

Yesterday, a friend of mine told me that I get more ign't by the day. That may very well be true, but you know what? Whenever I take a minute to jig and act the fool solo, I feel much better. There have been times where I wanted to commit jihad against people who could very well be their own birth control ad, but instead of blowing up at them I turn on my music and let it go.

No, this isn't praise dancing. It's more like p-poppin, only we're not gonna call it that because that would make me sound like I should come in a box with a biscuit and Cajun fries. I don't need any of you leaving comments like "cluck if you buck."

My taste may be a little different than yours, but here are a few songs that help me start my day.

UGK - "Take It Off"

A classic and don't you ever forget it.

The Hot Boys feat. Big Tymers - "I Need A Hot Girl"

Second verse same as the first.

Trina - "Look Back At Me"

She may act like she's a Sunday School teacher on Twitter, but we know better.

DJ Duck - "Buss It Open"

OK, so I already know you're judging me, but in my defense, I was trying to be classy about it so I avoided better songs like "Monkey On That Dick" and "Gimme What You Got (For A Porkchop)." I imagine anyone from New Orleans, other parts of the Boot, and Houston and Dallsa didn't flinch one bit at the song titles.

Geisha - "Shit'n On You Hoe"

I think Fresh everyday for bringing this song to my life. When you are feeling down, turn this on and remind yourself that you are beautiful, intelligent, wonderful, and if you twist it the left, to the right...to the left, right, left, right.

Sidenote: There's nothing like driving with this song blasting and scaring older Korean women. True story.

Guy - "Groove Me"

Don't even try it. This song may be as old as segregation to ya'll, but I love it and if I choose to sometimes dance like flat tops and acid wash still matter, let me make it.

Apollonia 6 - "Sex Shooter"

I think the best way to dance to this song is on a public street in midtown New York with a woman six months pregnant (true story), but I know easier said than done in Kentucky or Korea (hey, I don't have a passport, but my blog does) so try the mirror in your bathroom or something. Just be sure you don't drop your iPod in the water trying to kiss the gun (true story).

I'm going to cut the list now, because if I keep going this will turn into an anthology long entry. If you follow me on Twitter, I usually share my morning jig track of the day.

Also, Kid Fury has the feature "Hoodrat track of the day." That's a good way to build up your collection.

You may think I sound crazy, but trust me, this helps quell my desire to throw my Blackberry against the wall -- and I just bought that phone.

For the record, as I've said previously, make sure you maintain some sense of spirituality. Bird anthems can only do so much for the soul. Jesus before jig, Allah before Absolut, all that.

That being said, for those of you who won't act too good, what gets you going in the AM?

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at