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Monday, August 10, 2009
3:27 PM

Baby, I'm A Star


As children, we’re told that in order to be famous you had to be exceptionally talented and ambitious. Or at the very least, be marginally talented but down for doing the nasty with the right person in power.

Ever since I was a kid I’ve been told my talent would get me far and that all I needed to do was work hard and persevere. I would have done better writing Santa Clause. These days, the only skill you need to hone is your talent in attention whoring.

More and more are people famous for the sake of, and the longer I use Twitter, the more apparent it becomes that a generation has been inspired by the likes of Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and “insert your favorite reality and/or Internet personality here.”

That statement doesn’t come from a place of jealously. Honestly, I like the fact that people have attained celebrity despite side-stepping the typical route to earn it. I really do. For people to make a name for themselves on their own terms is an important step. The internet has made it obvious that many of the folks who are famous are pretty dull and vapid without someone more savvy pulling the strings.

There are people who do have personality (which by default is somewhat of a talent in itself now) and if not for the Web would likely have never seen their star shine.

I get it. Go them. Seriously.

That being said, it’s becoming creepier about just how fame hungry our culture is. We now have breaking news alerts when Britney Spears stubs her toe or when a reality star from E! dies (I liked her, but I’m sure you get it what I’m saying).

Does anyone remember when Anna Nicole Smith died? CNN broke from a hearing about the Iraqi war to dedicate hours upon hours of coverage to her untimely passing.

That’s cool for E!, but not for an international news station.

That’s the part that concerns me. We have created such a celebrity-obsessed culture that now your average person is a celebrity in their own mind. If not, one is who actively fishing for fame online.

The desperation oozes from many a keyboard.

As someone who writes about celebrities and pop culture, I sometimes feel like I’m part of the problem. I try to write about celebrities in a way that doesn’t scream “Idol worship.” Can’t be pissing off God – according to some of ya’ll I’m already on thin ice as it is.

I think by making fun of myself and them it subtly reminds people that they’re human.

I’m not sure that’s enough, though.

Who actively uses Twitter (if your answer is no, you’re LATE)?

Tell me you’ve noticed the influx of users tweeting about every inch of their body for attention?

Or the ustreams of people sitting in their draws eating a box of NERDS?

Oh and the blogger beefs.

And the crotch shots.

And the celebrity antagonists.

Or the ass kissers.

I hope the day doesn’t come where when I finally do get an agent (hint, hint, mu’f-ckas), he/she won’t suggest I turn on my Web cam, and sit in my draws sitting on the top of my desk ranting about Bow Wow while I eat Popeye’s chicken.

That or dress up like Malibu Barbie, get some weave eyebrows and put on an impromptu stage play on the life of Lil’ Kim. That seems to be the thing to do these days.

Probably be more fun to binge out on Hamburger Helper and try to spoof Heavy D.

I don’t have either option in me, though. I’d rather start on my Plan Q than take it there.

I have a feeling some people will be offended by this, but if you don’t fit the bill, you won’t fold, ya dig?

Now that the disclaimer is out of the way, let’s keep it moving.

Are you tired of this growing “Make Me Famous” trend or are you over there at your 9-5 penning the script for your new YouTube video (trust me: that stuff is not off the cuff).

I'm not really mad at the people who break through, but the longer this goes on, the more outrageous people will get. Octomom anyone?

Feedback, ya’ll!

The Cynical Ones.
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