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Friday, February 08, 2008
1:10 AM

I'm Not Tryna Hear That


Sometimes you have to stop and wonder if the majority of radio programmers in this country have Alzheimer’s, because whenever I bother to turn the radio on, I hear the same songs over and over again. It’s as if playlist makers don’t realize they have the same songs pegged to air two or three times on the hour, every hour. These songs more times than not feature T-Pain, have some instructional dance, and feature a lot of product placement I doubt the artist behind them is being compensated for. And of course, most can’t sing, can’t rap, and their only redeemable quality is to add fuel to the Young Sinick movement. And when radio programmers do decide to actually play a song with someone that has talent, they run it into the ground.

I get that it is what it is, but if it’s going to be that way, can we at least get some variety of the suckery? Or at least, can we move on from the following:

Bow Wow & Omarion: “Girlfriend”

This song sucks harder than they suck each other. It’s corny, and we shouldn’t encourage them.

Jennifer Hudson: “And I Am Telling You”

Look, I’m glad J.Hud won her Oscar, and I’m even happier that Jennifer Holiday didn’t pull a blade from under her tongue and stab J.Hud on stage during their joint performance at the BET Awards. Having said that, old people stations: Stop playing this song. Please. Let. It. Go. I understand that Dreamgirls was a good movie, but c’mon nah, you beat it into the ground when Holliday first sang it, so stop playing Buddhist with your attempts to reincarnate it. I’m telling you…I can live without it.

Trae featuring Lloyd: “Ghetto Queen”

I only heard this song once, but that was enough. I’m not sure if this song is being played nationally, but it’s a song about a down ass chick --- you know, something innovative. I’m sure it’s loved by many, but I’m bored with the song after one listen, and I’d rather not hear Lloyd’s Chester molester vibrato on it again.

Flo’rida featuring T-Pain: “Low”

“She hit the floor/Next thing you know/ Shorty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low”

Can someone tell her to get her ass up? This song is awful. Why did ya’ll let it blow up?

J.Holiday – “Suffocate”

He ain’t dead yet? I take it someone gave him CPR. I like J.Holiday’s voice, though what really excites me about him is that he’s breathing new life into R&B with references to weed, ass, and pimps. “Suffocate” is a very nice song, but I hear it every half hour on both Hip Hop/R&B stations in my city. I don’t know if I’m supposed to choke him or the DJs, but play another single already.

Soulja Boy – “Crank That (Soulja Boy)”

This song must die. I don’t want to crank a damn thing. I don’t want to Spiderman these hoes, Batman these hoes, He-man some shit, nor do I have any urge to Captain Kangroo a bitch. It was cool at first, and I even had fun doing the dance, but it’s 2008, so stop playing this song. Yahh bitch yahh!

Alicia Keys – “No One"

No one can convince me that Heathcliff and Fat Cat aren’t doing background vocals on this feline-inspired vocally arranged song. This song must have been mastered at Satan’s house, because it’s the only reason I can think of that can explain why this noise performed way better than “Like You’ll Never See Me Again.”

Chris Brown – “With You”

I’ve been sick of “Irreplaceable,” so the last thing I needed was to have it’s marked down, irregular version played over and over again on the radio. I cringe each time I hear, “I need ya, boo/I gotta see ya boo.”

Webbie, Lil' Phat & Lil' Boosie –Independent”

E.N.U.N.C.I.A.T.E. Do you know what that means?

Actually, the accents don’t bother me at all (I have a twang myself). I liked the song the first fifty times I heard it. Now, I’m ready to throw a boot and the homies from the boot. New song, with no sampled hooked from previous hits, please.

Janet Jackson – “Feedback”

Sike. Ya’ll know they don’t play that on the radio. :( Poor Janet.

Now that I’ve made my list, gon’ head and make yours. I know I’m not alone.

The Cynical Ones.
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