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Tuesday, March 03, 2009
12:00 AM


Dead It

 

It’s not for me to say what words should never be uttered by anyone again – which really sucks since far too many people like to beat a term into the ground. Same applies to certain trends that need to die a swift and certain death. Never one to pretend to be anyone’s tastemaker, I’m starting to wish I had a certain power to eviscerate trends that have outwarm their welcome.

Count ‘em down, ya’ll:

1. Swag/Swagger

My goodness. Stab this word, then shoot it, then run it over, then toss into ongoing traffic. It started off as the perfect way to describe a certain something…that special oomph in a person. Now it’s just an overused term used by far too many individuals who act like their tongues will fall out of their mouths if they used any word besides swagger. Or people who generally don’t care for the concept of synonyms. Whatever the case, can we as a human race come up with another word? If we can go to the moon I’m certain we can come up with a new word.

It’s not that I don’t think the word should disappear forever. Maybe we can just put it in coma for a while.

2. Fierce

I blame Tyra Banks for this. The word has always been around, but it’s always been relegated to a certain faction of the population. But thanks to Ty-Ty here, everyone and their grandma use it now.

“She’s fierce.”

“Ooh that’s fierce.”

“Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiierce.”

Damn. I get it. They look great. Now quit saying that word so much before I give you a fierce kick to the teeth.

3. Skinny Jeans

I’m slim already, not to mention tall so it never made sense for me to embrace this look and point out the obvious. Besides, I don’t want my genitals to look at me as an abuser so I’m all for giving them the proper breathing room they need. I know everything ain’t for everybody, but it’s like fashion declared a war on balls.

I’m sure at this point this style will never completely go away, but c’mon people, does everyone have to wear skinny jeans? Even the fat people who know damn well they can barely pull those suckers up past their knobby knees wear them now. And fat fam don’t even think I’m signaling ya’ll out. There are average size people who can’t fit into those jeans either.

And now children are being brought into this madness.

Look at Gwen Stefani’s son with the baby nut huggers on. I don't think anyone's parts should be in a choke alone -- let alone those who probably don't even realize they have parts yet.

4. No Homo

This has got to be one of the biggest examples of insecurity ever! It is overcompensation at its worst. It’s not enough that most of the men who feel compelled to utter this statement every five seconds are already acting hypermasculine to avoid any suggestion that they’re on team peen. No, they have to go one step further and declare that they’re not gay to all those who never thought it anyway.

It becomes more and more ridiculous, too.

“I love you, Dad. No homo.”

“Yo, that’s my cousin. No homo.”

“He gave me the rest of his fries…no homo.”

The irony of it all is that a solid portion of the dudes that always say no homo likely suck a lot of dick.

5. Declaring Yourself a Socialite

I’m not even going to waste too many words on this one. I will say that if you have to repeatedly tell someone you’re a socialite, chances are you’re only one in your imagination.

Bonus: Obama Worship

I’m pretty sure some of you will want to burn me at the stake for this, but it needs to be said. I am proud of Barack Obama and I am so glad to see him in office. I understand the historical significance of his presidency and what it means to my race, this country, and children of every persuasion. That being said, he is a politician, one from Chicago at that.

He is not the Lord God Obama, and it is OK to not like every single thing he does. Holding his feet to the fire actually makes you a good citizen, not a mortal enemy of the Black community.

Barack Obama is not above criticism, and the second you think he is, you need to go back and think about George Bush and how much people let him get away with stuff. Two wrongs don’t make a right, so we might as well call them like we see them – especially when Barack might actually listen.

And before anyone takes it there, I know there's a difference between constructive critcism and people like Alan Keyes, who speak as if they recently escaped from the pysch ward and sold their meds for a six piece nugget.


The Cynical Ones.
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