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Thursday, April 23, 2009
11:53 AM

Don't Do The South


I need for every nawfer who goes out of their way to shit on the South and the way we jig to cease and desist.

As much as I've come to like club music, you folk in Baltimore dance just as raunchy and 'country' as folks in the Boot, the A, and the H. I've heard so many people up nawf say, "Eww. Ya'll are so vulgar."

Please don't say this video is an example of the classier way to jig. I see boys who look no older than 10 grinding on women twice their size. What is this supposed to be? Some freaky version of Jack and the Beanstalk?

I don't know if I want to call child protective services or the nearest free clinic.

Look at the guy who laid on the ground and the girl who got on him and proceeded to show us all how to make a baby and/or catch a regular bump on our mouths. What is that dance supposed to be? The Amtrak? I see why the DMV area is battling parts of Sub-Sahara Africa for the title of STD capital.

In B-More's defense, judging from the comments on the page I found this on (look, I'on like the site, but I have to find stories for work, ya dig?), those little future cases aren't doing a club dance in the beginning. Apparently that's the Wu-Tang (which I had never heard of until I saw Fresh's twitter) and it's out of Philly. That's even worse because I've met plenty of Philly folk who sound three days removed from slavery calling me the country one.

And the fact that the site could confuse the dances just goes to show ya'll aren't the only ones who can easily be lumped in together.

I hate when people say all southern music sounds the same. No it doesn't. Screw doesn't sound like bounce. Bounce doesn't sound like Dallas boogie. Dallas Boogie doesn't sound like Miami Bass. And none of these songs sound like the stuff they remixed and branded crunk in Atlanta.

Oh and New Yorkers, don't even try to distance yourselves. I got three words for you: Chicken Noodle Soup. Actually, two more: Lean Back.

So the moral of the story is ya'll up thurr are just as nasty and ign't as everyone else, and the South is diverse. You might as well embrace the latter fun fact because we're still shit'n on you hoes. No one is trying to do that Arab money dance at any club outside of the Tri-state area, and I for damn sure am not laying on the sticky, nasty ass ground to reenact a homemade hood porno.

Edit: If you can't see those bad ass kids in the YouTube link, click here.

The Cynical Ones.
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