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Friday, May 22, 2009
4:31 AM

No, Nicholas


It must suck to be a child actor sometimes. No matter what you say or do we the public will always remember you for whatever kiddie role made you famous.

On the other hand, some child actors just set themselves up to be mocked. Such is the case for Curtis Williams, who played Nicholas Peterson on the show The Parent Hood.

Do ya'll know this Negro has the nerve to be a rapper? And not just a rapper, but a rapper who pops lines about being on the street. Granted, because he's a child actor his parents could have Gary Colemaned him and took all his money so he very well may have been left in the hood. But c'mon nah, you know it doesn't matter: We know your ass as Nicholas Peterson. Not Young Curt.

Rudy will always be Rudy. Greg Brady will always be Greg Brady. Urkel will always be Urkel. That's just the way it is. I don't make the rules, I just follow them.

But no, I want ya'll to click right here and listen to "Swagg Up" where this dude spits lines about smashing girls "half Black, half Brazillian."

I don't even know what the hell "half Brazillian" means. I suppose that's his way of trying to boast about banging a Brazillian chick in his mind.

Here's the thing that I need some of you mix happy colored folk to learn: There is a difference between race and nationality. Brazillian isn't a race. That's like saying I'm half Black, half American. Ya'll would look at me like a dumb ass if I walked around saying I was biracial based on that.

Obviously Robert and Jerri fell into some hard times and had to tap into little Nicholas' college fund to save their home from foreclosure or something.

No wonder he's trying to rap. But, he should follow the Drake approach to hip-hop. Meaning don't say anything that will make us say, "Fool, I remember you from..."

Young Curt Nicholas seems to be reading from the book of Officer Ross sitting here spitting about the streets. Does anyone else remember that episode where he and Arnie were getting punked by the little Mexican gang members? You weren't hard then, Nicholas! Doesn't matter if you still had recess then, the repeats on cable don't lie!

Is any of this making sense to you? Of course it doesn't. I'm acting like a TV show is real life. But that's the thing: That's how I remember you and if you're going to go into an equally fictious role (i.e. some half-Brazillian thug rapper), then you need to come up with a better gimmick because what you're selling I'm not downloading.

Here's something Robert should have taught you: Not every overweight Black man can rap.


P.S. Though I don't support this nonsense, should Nicholas shoot a video, he should make it a family affair. Get CiCi to be the video girl and ask Michael to play keyboard in the back. And I'm sure he could get Faizon Love to cater. It isn't like he has much to do.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at