Am I wrong for thinking Ray-J is the lamest man alive? Obviously a glutton for punishment, I saw this video on Crunk + Disorderly and decided to watch it. See why procrastination is wrong, people? I became annoyed with him in the first thirty seconds of the video. I didn't think it could get any worse, but it did. Impressive, Ray-J. Most impressive.
No really: Am I wrong for thinking Ray-J is the lamest man alive? How long ago was this sex tape? Why does he keep talking about it to the point you have to wonder if it will be mentioned on his tombstone? (So much for that Pharrell + Chad shout out!) We get, Ray-J: You had a sex tape with the injection princess. Go you.
Has he not been able to find any other line of work or something? Paris Hilton found a couple of careers. Kim Kardashian landed a show on E! Why hasn't he picked up a new gig for his attention whoring antics? Has using sexual voyeurism to get Q-list celebrities reality shows become passe?
He acts like that lame in class that got the dope girl to give him soon and now you can't tell him anything. Y'know, like on Saved By The Bell when Kelly kissed Screech on the cheek. You couldn't tell him a damn thing. Or like when Lisa Turtle finally showed him a lil' affection for a millisecond. That's Ray-J.
I long for the days when Ray-J was just known as Brandy's better. Better yet, I yearn for the return when a question about Ray-J would be met with, "WHO?!"
"Just because he wears a coofie (kufi) doesn't mean that he's bright/Cause you don't understand him don't mean that he nice/It just means you don't understand all the bullshit that he writes/ Is it 'Oochie Wally' or is it 'One Mic?' Is it 'Black Girl Lost' or 'Shorty owe you for ice?'"
Nas is a poser. An attention whore who masks publicity stunts under the guise of calling attention to some cause. The cause more times than not is his album sales.
Since Hip Hop Is Dead didn't work, now Nasir is on to bigger, more controversial attention grabbing album titles. The pseudo hip hop intellectual showed how far he's willing to go on Grammy red carpet: He wore a shirt with the word NIGGER plastered over it. His wife, Kelis - ever praised for her fashion sense - abandoned her trademark eclectic look to embrace the light bill paying cause of her husband. Sweet.
Trying to explain his nonsense to the curious CNN reporter, Nas said something about ethnicities all sharing the experience of discrimination, blah blah blah. Then he said something about us all being niggers.
So profound.
Nas is that dude that gets a library card, reads two books, and suddenly think he's Cornel West.
Case in point, here's his thoughts of the upcoming presidential election:
"It's time for a new President to come in office and abolish this thing that only allows Black people to vote for another 23 years."
What the hell is he talking about? This is the same person who told people at a Central Park concert not to vote the last go 'round, so why would he care anyway?
Wait, voting is in again. I forgot. With Nas he goes wherever the wind blows. One day it's shake your ass, the next kids need to dream.
I'm going to start pretending he retired after Illmatic.
Looks like all of you bug collectors in lust with Lil' Wayne (eww) have a new person to spew venom at besides Lauren London (allegedly) and his secret boyfriend Baby. Judging from this new interview ecstasy's poster child gave to OC Weekly, Wayne has made a new friend.
On a mission to garner himself more mainstream appeal (good luck with that one), the Suessville (by way of New Orleans) bred rapper has decided to add High School Musical star Zac Efron to his ever growing list of collaborators and possible conquests.
Though some might question why Wayne would go this far to spread his name, Wayne doesn't seem to be concerned.
“I’m just being me,” Wayne insists, leading a tour of his recently purchased oceanfront house, which features a faux-bronze statue of his own nude figure, and a Juicy Fruit-dispensing bathroom attendant who lives on the premises full-time.
Make my day and explain the need for a fake bronze statue of your dick and 24-hour candy girl to me in dummy with money terms.
The rhyming drug addict also shared details on how this unlikely collaboration came about:
“Zac and me was both in San Francisco a few months ago for a comic book convention or something, and we met at an afterparty at some bar,” he says, pausing to break down pieces of pungent pot to roll into a joint. “To get away from these girls that was chasing him, he ducked into the bathroom and I followed him in there. I was like, ‘What’s crackin’, my brother from another mother?’”
A comic book convention? Is that what we're calling gay bars now? From what I hear about him, I'm sure Zac Effron ran away from those girls as fast as humanly possible. Interesting Wayne couldn't fight the urge to follow him into a bathroom. Senator Craig would be proud.
Oh, the writer mentions the songs, too:
I wish I could share his enthusiasm, but the songs are a bit jarring, to say the least. On “All for One,” Efron sings the chorus—“Everybody all for one, a real summer has just begun! Let’s rock and roll and just let go, feel the rhythm of the drums. We’re gonna have fun in the sun!”—while Wayne raps: “I’m a dog, you’re all a bunch of fleas on my dick. Driving a Jag, er, like my name was Mick. I’m so sour like cream with chives, and my sperm will make your face break out in hives.”
I'm sure parents can't wait to hear their children repeat lines about funky spunk.
If Wayne hasn't lost you already:
“What’s up, my nigga?” Efron says, giving Wayne a pound, a hug, and then, to my astonishment, a full-on kiss, reminiscent of the one Wayne famously gave his surrogate father Baby last year.
Shocker Wayne's stupidity dictates he be cool with Efron calling him that. Sigh. As for the kiss: Didn't he say when he kissed Baby, that it's similar to a child kissing his father? Maybe Zac calls Wayne daddy?
(Obviously, Efron is going to have to work harder to squelch rumors surrounding his sexual orientation.)
He can put in all the hard work he wants and I doubt he'll ever be as hard as he is with Wayne.
Now, as for you Wayne, fans: Come out, come out, wherever you are.
Edit: I had a feeling the article was Onion-like, but I don't like Wayne, so I wanted to pop shit anyway. But, the homie, Jason, pointed out the article was indeed a spoof. Damn. That's ten minutes of my life I'll never get back. Blah. Pretend the article is real and laugh anyway. Thanks.
But to be fair, I'll say something nice about Wayne: I like "Duffle Bag Boy." There. I said it.
I tend to look at Lil' Wayne as nothing more than an over hyped walking RAID commercial, but I realize I'm in the minority. Still, could some of you Weezy F(*cks) Baby fans find this man a publicist? I get that Wayne loyalists treasure his pill-influenced, Mother Goose swagger jacking rhymes, but I don't think the "positive" effects drugs have on his lyrics translate over to his interviews.
XXL magazine asked Lil Wayne about the perception that he's over-saturating the market with his music, to which Weezy replied, "Darling, I don't care what nobody think. Talk to me like you talk to Martin Luther King or Malcolm X. You're not going to ask him about what he thinks about what somebody said about him. You ask him about his greatness, and his greatness only."
No that's not Nutty Negro-itis, that's ecstasy and weed. How does guest appearing on anyone's track so long as they have a Subway coupon warrant a comparison to Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcolm X? One of these days the spirits of MLK and Malcolm X are going to come back and bitch slap a lot of people. Please let them start with hip hop's version of Dr. Suess.
After all these years, the closest Ray-J has gotten to escaping the shadow of his sister Brandy is a three-year-old sex tape with a celebrity-lusting ‘socialite’ with the personality of a blow up doll.
As you can see from the cover, Ray-J doesn’t plan to let that dabble in sexual voyeurism go anytime soon. That makes him an even bigger lame than I ever gave him credit for. I suppose the adage, ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,’ applies, but all and all, it says a lot about you and your talent if a sex tape is your only legitimate shot at maintaining relevance.
I’m no fan of porn, so I’ve been reluctant to watch the much buzzed about sexual escapades of Brandy’s little brother and one of O.J. Simpson’s old defense lawyer’s offspring caught on tape. I think we’ve all noticed the wonders the tape has done for Kim Kardashian’s career. Though she claims to be “horrified” and “completely embarrassed” by the tape, she pocketed a cool million from the whole deal, which helped cover the cost of the butt injections needed to land herself the cover of King magazine --- taking her goal of bedding every black male celebrity on the D-List to new and greater heights.
She’s also managed to score a reality show for her and her family, proving to America that attention whores are created, not born. With her little sisters skipping homework to practice swinging around the stripper pole in their home, and her mother latching herself onto to her celebrity – going as far as proposing a mother/daughter nude pictorial in Playboy – I understand where Kim gets it from. Sex sells…obviously.
It hasn’t done so much for Ray-J yet, hence the cover for his mix tape. The mix tape not-so-coincidently is being released just in time for the re-release of the infamous sex tape, complete with 60 minutes of additional “bonus footage.” To all of you out there that believe these two planned this whole thing out, shame on you. It’s such an invasion of privacy, why would they do it? Because no one cares about them, thus the only way those two could ever entice interest from the general public is to play off America’s obsession with pornography? Noooo, that couldn’t be it. Ray-J comes from a religious background and Kim, well her father represented O.J. Simpson: it’s clear these two come from two high moral backgrounds.
Last week I finally watched this nude publicity stunt, and that’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back. I only watched for ten, because I quickly became bored out of my mind. This is what people have been talking about? Kim just lying there, cooing like Malibu Barbie come to life while Ray-J “ironically” keeps looking at the camera, saying both of their names over and over again, surely hoping that this tape is never ever released to the public.
I’ve been more turned on by Blanche, Rose, and Dorothy discussing geriatric sex. That tape is yet another reminder of why Ray-J hasn’t been entertaining since The Sinbad Show. It’s a shame that anything remotely distasteful, desperate, and pathetic can be rewarded in this country no matter how boring it is so long as it includes crotch shots. May fate screw these two better than they screwed each other.
Looks like all of you bug collectors in lust with Lil' Wayne (eww) have a new person to spew venom at besides Lauren London (allegedly) 
