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Sunday, April 06, 2008
12:07 PM

First Stop Chris Stokes, Next Stop Chris Hansen


The world's oldest and most awkward looking egghead teenager, Chris Stokes like most predators, has taken to the web to find his latest victims the next group of stars.

I liked that he pretended he could name more people that he's worked that we've actually heard of with besides Omarion, B2K, Marques Houston, and Brandy. He's even more bold for actually naming himself as the "mastermind" behind House Party IV. Even if I were held at gunpoint (which has happened), I still wouldn't fess up to having any part of that wackness. Anyone that has seen that movie is liable to shoot you anyway.

He's right about one thing, though: His show is definitely different from American Idol, America's Best Dance Crew, or Making The Band. I was thinking more along the lines of To Catch a Predator, America's Most Wanted, Eyewitness News, or a YouTube interpretation of the book, The Broke Diaries.

He's giving away deals (lawyers would call them contracts for indentured servitude) to solo singers, groups, dancers, and actors. Chris says you can be male or female, but if you were thinking about entering this contest I suggest you go and get yourself a penis if you don't already own one. Don't believe me? Ask Jhene.

To all of you entering this contest with the hopes of following the footsteps of notable acts like O'Ryan, Smooth, and TG4 (Thank you, Wikipedia) I wish you good luck, good Vaseline, and good therapy. If you plan on working with Chris Pokes, you'll need it.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at