My eye won’t stop twitching. It’s been that way for two days now. They say it’s a sign of stress. As in fatigue -- y’know, being tired…or sick and tired. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
I would call it a block, but at this point it’s more like a levee. I’ve been having a really hard time wrapping my mind about things to write about. That’s unusual for me. I read all day, and have an opinion on just about everything. But lately it’s been more and more of a struggle.
I feel drained. Really frustrated with the way things have gone. I can’t go into detail (that would be stupid of me), but I will say a few things.
Some Black institutions (be it educational and/or corporate entities) can push you to joining the Klan. I’m talking buying a pick-up truck, slapping a Confederate flag on the back of it, then taking a hammer and knocking one of your buck teeth out and turn into a real-life Uncle Ruckus. This doesn’t apply to all (I deal with a couple), but a significant number of them, which is a terrible average.
I am many things, but a professional still ranks among the top of the list. As you sow so shall you reap. I’ll leave it at that.
Another aspect of the twitch could be things not working out the way I planned, and opportunities (burgeoning on several now) that have slipped by. Such is life. You deal with it, move on, and keep changing your plan until you find one that works for you. Ok, I get that. And despite the tone of this post, I do believe I will be fine. But I want to be better than fine in the future, and to be honest, would rather be fine right now rathern than later. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, eh? I know, I know. I believe I can fly, too.
You can only read “you’re a great writer,” “you’re a good writer,” “you’re a strong writer,” “you’re an incredibly talented writer,” “you have so much potential to grow” accompanied by the ever-annoying “BUT” without become maybe a little jaded, no? They’re only making room for the right people to get it, huh?
Then there’s the notion of knowing when you’re being played, and the realization that in any other instance, you would immediately give the person playing you an instruction on how they can go fuck themselves. But alas, you have to grit your teeth, suck one up for the team. Or you find a sponsor – which I really hope would happen already. Are there any blog readers willing to trick and treat for your man? C’mon nah, don’t be shy. I won’t do anything for you, but hey, I’m good company. I send nice emails, too.
Humor. That’s my vice. It helps me deal when bad things happen. ‘Tis why I’m hilarious.
Alright, I’ve already exposed way too much. I know I’ll be fine, but I wanted to vent, and it’s my blog so why not use this medium to do so. I’m sure some of my friends are tired of me. I hope not, but I wouldn’t fault them. What can I say? I don’t believe in lying. It's not an issue of if for me, it's more like when and all that takes place between 'when' and now
. If it helps, I’m still always encouraging of my friends even when I get tempted to go on a shaking spree. Now if only people of similar lineage could be as gracious. Mmph.
But speaking of encouragement, thanks to those that every so often, randomly tell me they love my shit and that I make their day or bring a smile to their face. It’s appreciated. Soon those words will come with a really pretty contract. But until that day, the hump fight moves forward.
This, twitch, though. It has to stop. It’s not actually noticeable, but it’s hella annoying. I feel like if it lasts any longer, my left eye is going to have a stroke and my new nickname will go from ‘Twitchy’ to ‘Wonkie.’
Have a good day, people.
The Cynical Ones.