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Wednesday, March 04, 2009
12:38 PM

That Ain't Right


I think Christina Milian's tragic new hairstyle would make for a great after school special on the dangers of peroxide and fake friends, so in theory I'm not mad at the "Ocean's 5" chopping her up about a decision that doesn't flatter her natural beauty. Then again, with Janet back at her natural weight and Tameka almost losing her life trying to chop her himself into a slimmer frame, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Still, I can see why they're all laughing. I mean, I surely am. She's walking around doing boring video logs acting like coloring your hair with crayon is what's hot in the streets. But while they're right when they say "that ain't it," I'm taken aback at how visceral Johnta Austin went about chopping her up.

Through another message board, I read that the women of LSA - who for some reason or the other can describe every strand of pubic hair on any athlete or entertainer to the curl perfectly - claim Johnta is the type of guy who comes at women lamely, and when they reject him, he becomes a jackass. If that's true, it explains the bitchassness quality to his rant.

The thing that gets me most is that he had the audacity to say "this is what happens when you fall off the game." Negro, how long ago was your album supposed to drop? How many ode to old school songs (a friend brought it to my attention that he references some old school classic in nearly every song he writes) masked as singles has you released?

Ocean Drive is somewhere sitting in the desert, so maybe Christina Milian is the female Ray-J -- but at least her flops can actually be found in the 7 record stores left. Can you say the same, Johnta? He's like a Mean Girl with a vlog. You ain't it either, Johnta. Ne-Yo snatched your singer-songwriter star dreams away a hot minute ago.

As for Usher saying what a lot of people are thinking (Chris Brown needed to show remorse, not his jet skiing skills) and then issuing that politically correct inspired press release apologizing: Man, don't take it back! Tameka can take that fool even with the bandages on. She got you, homie.

Oh and the whole "Ocean's 5" thing: Add that to the list of things that need to stop. Why do so many Black feel the need to copy old ass stuff? The Hip-Hop Rat Pack, the Black Sinatra, and now "Ocean's 5." Why do I feel like once I get put on fully I'm going to need to call myself the Black Milton Berle to appeal to certain people?

How about you come up with your own name. Folks were able to do that in elementary, so surely it's not that hard.

Bonus: I don't know if Keri Hilson is talking about Ciara or Beyonce, but I do now someone that's taken three years and multiple singles and videos to get one hit needn't get cocky after getting only a skeet taste of solo success. The verdict is still out on whether you'll actually turn Soundscan on. Until then, dry hump humility. And if it's not really that deep, she's probably following the Curtis approach to sales -- which is even worse.

The Cynical Ones.
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