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Wednesday, March 11, 2009
2:45 AM

DJ, Don't Ya Play That Song


I don't even know why I pretend I'm going to stop talking about Chrianna. I'm not lying when I say these two are starting to irk the hell out of me, but this story is getting more and more ridiculous by the day. What is this nonsense about them two working together on a new song?

On what planet do they think this is a smart career move? Where are Rihanna's corporate pimps? Blowing Chris Brown and buying him ice for his knuckles? This isn't 2008 where a song with the Princess of Pop and the Prince of Pop Lock would shoot up the charts and give little tweens cavities. It's a new year and a fresh police report. This all sounds like bad business -- at least on Rihanna's end.

She's pissing off the population of her fan base who uses spray tan. Isn't that the bulk of her audience? She's acting like a sakiewinkie.

Hey, did I use that term correctly? If not, gimme some better Bajan-speak to use for future posts, please.

It's bad enough Rihanna has ignored my suggestion to call up some of her Bajan brethren and put a root on Chris Brown. Now she decides to listen to one of the most attention starved producers of all time (that would be Polow The Shit Starter) and record a song together.

I don't want to hear that.

Top ten things I'd rather listen to an apology record from a singing goat (although I bahhhhh with her now) and a dude who sounds like his balls still don't drop:

1. Listen to old people with asthma have sex.

2. Listen to Tone Loc sing "Touch My Body."

3. Listen to LaToya Jackson's country album.

4. Listen to Ja Rule post 2001.

5. Listen to Frankie sing "One Sweet Day."

6. Listen to Foxy Brown talk about an album we know is never coming out at length.

7. Listen to that narrator from Harlem Heights repeat the phrase "my crew" over and over again.

8. Listen to "Swagger Like Us" for the millionth time.

9. Listen to the crazy homeless man down the street explain to me how capitalism, Flintstone vitamins, and the color purple are destroying the world.

10. Listen to a Chris Brown apologist.

The Cynical Ones.
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