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Monday, March 23, 2009
1:48 PM

Swagger Jacker of the Week: Ciara


Despite writing about how sick I've grown of the word "swagger," I think as long as I forgo the option of saying it every other second like some people, this feature can remain as is.

The premise of Ciara's "Sex Love Magic" video is basically look at the kitty kat diva in her freakum dress getting bodied trying to be Justin Timberlake's suga mama.

While I'm sure her intentions were to get me to focus on how sexy she is and forget how mediocre her material has been thus far, all I can think about after watching this is how much of a wack ass she is. This video looks like a tribute to the Beyonce anthology, and while Beyonce is not an originator by any stretch at least when she jacks something she makes it her own -- which is what you're supposed to do when you bite.

Wait, that bears repeating before anyone tries to drill that point home in the comments section:
Beyonce may bite, Alicia may steal, and Rihanna may have bought all of Fefe Dobson's clothes at a garage sale, but they're all much better actresses than Ciara.

All of them have sold sex (yes, even Alicia, too), but it never reeked of desperation.

Her fusing Beyonce's video treatments with Madonna's old hoe shit bit doesn't seem like a woman embracing her new found sexuality. I think she looks like a prostitute trying to score a hit before her pimp puts her back on the street. I find her pathetic in every sense of the word.

She's like that girl in high school that tried too hard that everyone ends up laughing at. I don't doubt for a second that if every other popular singer out there shot videos of them in winter coats on the beach she'd toss on a Northface and proceed to do pull-ups on some monkey bars just to sweat a little more than the other girls out.

The interesting thing about her is that she's doing everything antithetical to what made her relevant to begin with. In an attempt to appeal to a pop audience, she's alienating the people who pushed her to platinum status. I would know, because I bought her first album. Then she came out with that pretentious evolution-themed album (who experiences that great an evolution in two years?) and her music went to shit.

Maybe if she focused on her music as much as she did her ever changing image and sound she wouldn't be reduced to doggystyle positions and rubbing her ass cheeks on Justin Timberlake for a cheap hit. I thought this chick was supposed to be a great dancer anyway. How do you put Justin Timberlake in a video and not have any extensive choreography? Wasn't her being some supposed great dancer what separated her from the other singers reduced to dip it, pop it, twirk it stop it dance routines?

Some feel I'm being too hard on her. I think the problem is I know Ciara had way more successful when she was seeking to give folks blue balls instead of full fledged hard-ons.

Far too many people rely on sex to sell forgetting one important fact: Thanks to the internet we can see hoes all day for free. In the end, she can get attention for this, and she'll even score a modest hit for letting Justin the Negro career killer do the track, but what's next?

Will she throw Lil' Wayne on the next single and flash her lips in the video? Her Fantasy Ride is going to resemble that US Airways flight that landed in water.



Damn, homie.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at