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Thursday, July 31, 2008
10:07 AM


Let 'Em Fight!

 



I know, I know: I haven't been the best blogger this week. In my defense, I did warn ya'll. OK, so I'm still trying to get into the project I mentioned on Monday, but there have been some difficulties and distractions. The former is my own fault while the latter was at least quite nice: I have another niece as of yesterday. This sort of creates a problem because I have told my first niece for years that she is the most beautiful girl in the world. She's dually my favorite person on Earth. I asked for her advice on how I should handle this and she told me I can still tell her these things just not around her little sister. She's quite thoughtful that way.

In any event, I am so glad they have a good mother, so they won't end up like the two in the video. Now don't get me wrong, I liked Diamond when she was in Crime Mob (Don't hate on her yummy yum), but she's doing the most in the video? Pay-per-view? For real, homie?

Who the hell would pay money to watch Popeyes battle KFC in a slur off? Unless this event comes with a biscuit, I ain't interested.

What say you?

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 4 Comments

Monday, July 28, 2008
3:11 AM


In The Meantime

 

Check it: I’m on a mission this week and it’s a goal I should have handled a while ago. Blame it on the hustle, on procrastination, and a bad case of writer’s block. Or you could be a jackass and place the blame solely on me where it belongs. Anyway, the point of this post is to say I’m going to try to update as I normally do, but if I don’t you are warned.

While I have your attention I’ve been thinking about what all I can do with the blog. I’m thinking about moving the site to my own host and finding a more specific angle (like more Dear Michael’s and stuff of that sort) so if you have any ideas, feel free to leave suggestions. It would be great to build a little more traffic and start earning enough pocket change to dead any lingering thoughts to start selling peen for profit (Look: Fuck Phil Gramm. We're in a recession.).

In the meantime, I wanted to point out some fellow bloggers who you should be onto by now. I’m always begging readers to spread the word about The Cynical Ones (Like right now: You should really pass my link around.), so it’s about time I shout out some of my own favorites.

The Fury: He said the same thing about my site, but when I read his stuff I can’t help but think of myself sometimes. Kid Fury is hilarious, and definitely has the gift of brevity. When you can kill folks with only a few lines, you're very good at what you do. His wit is very much like Fresh’s so if you’re not overly sensitive (you can’t be if you read this site), pay the homie a visit. His shit is dope.

Fly Clichés: I usually have to scope the blogs to find ideas for the other gigs daily, so a lot of the time the shit bores the hell out of me. But there are three sites off the bat that I go to just to laugh and enjoy because their voices are original: D Listed, The Fury, and Crunk + Disorderly. Fresh is behind C+D and I’ve been reading her blog since finding the link on Danyel Smith’s old blog. I read a few hours ago that she’s started her own personal blog and I’m glad. Sometimes when you have a format you gotta stick to it for the reader, so a personal blog is always a good way to get the other side of the writer/blogger. I've already read her personal site and it’s hilarious as expected, but I get the feeling it will be even funnier because she's giving herself even more room to write whatever pops off the top of her head.

Four Four: Rich is a great writer and whenever I read his stuff I’m usually in awe thinking I need to step my game up.

Dope Penmanship: Speaking of stepping my game up, this blog is from the budding superstar music journalist and the homie, Clover Hope. You’ve seen her byline everywhere, and if you haven’t you need to pay more attention...it’s there. Similar to what I said about Fresh’s personal blog, when you give a writer a more free form format you get a better idea of how the person works. I tend to love stuff like that because if you’re a good writer no matter how random anything you come up with might be, it will still be a good read.

Thank God I’m Famous: I could bore myself watching Diddy Puff’s video blogs or give my eye a stroke reading J.D.’s dyslexic-inspired MySpace blogs or I could read the blog of one their likely replacements. Sickamore is a smart and funny dude and I definitely admire his hustle. A beast. Plus, he likes bucket hats, and although I’m not a hat person I will fuck with a bucket hat so long as it won't have me looking like the lanky cat from Fat Albert. He's also an ageist (see GoOldHead) and with John McCain on the ballot, there's no better time to hate old people (the wack ones anyway)?

Basement Elevation: I'm not even sure if he has a goal like this in mind, but I see Jason following in the tradition of Michael Eric Dyson and other self-appointed hip hop intellectuals only he won't irk the hell out of me when he's on CNN because he'll know what he's talking about and he won't be trying too hard (MC Dyson, for example). Jason is a very intelligent dude with a real passion for hip hop as an art form. There are quite a few people still like that, only I think they're in a time warp so I don't take them seriously. But Jason I do. I'm cynical, but I have read posts on his blog that have made me think maybe hip hop doesn't need a bullet. And then I discover a song called "Marco Polo." Jason, can I at least give hip hop a stab wound until it gets better?

And naturally, I have to plug for people, so visit here, here, and here, too.

So yeah, I’m out for now. If I end up posting half an hour after this post, I must be procrastinating. Curse me out in the comments section if that happens.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 6 Comments

3:06 AM


Feihanna

 



I once wrote that Rihanna’s “new me” basically translated into trading in Beyonce’s old tracks in favor of Fefe Dobson’s clothes and Pat Benatar’s old wig. I can admit when I’m wrong, though. Rihanna actually only stole Fefe Dobson’s hair, too!

Yes Rihanna’s fly, indeed she has stepped her goat vocals up, and of course right now she is that chick – but that chick is a swagger jacker to the core. I could live without the ten minute tribute to Pink, but I suppose the person behind the video wanted to kill two birds with one stone. Either way it’s kind of hard now for the Rihanna stans willing to start problems at INS on her behalf to continue denying that Rihanna didn’t take a field trip to Fefe Dobson’s closet before she dropped Good Girl Gone Bad.

I guess this is akin to Beyonce initially modeling herself after J.Lo when she finally found a solo hit. Only difference is Jennifer Lopez isn’t working the late shift at Walmart blacking out Rihanna’s face with a magic marker in the electronics department out of spite.

If this video circulated a couple of months ago, I would have used it as proof that Rihanna needs her green card revoked and be placed on a boat back to Barbados. But after getting used to her I don’t really care anymore. I already knew her image was as natural as Brandy's hairline and I didn’t need this video to know that. Still, for Rihanna’s sake I hope she’s never backed into a corner with Teairra Mari and Fefe. I would be hella pissed if my likeness was taken and molded into a commodity for someone else while I sat around debating whether I should finish cleaning up aisle 6 or start begging to join the cast of Dancing with the Stars.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 4 Comments

Saturday, July 26, 2008
11:18 AM


Marco Polo

 



Bow Wow is notorious for latching himself onto whoever is hot at the moment with the hopes that some of their success will trickle over to him. Chris Brown, Ciara, T-Pain, and Omarion can all vouch for this. With Face/Off not producing the Earth shattering sales figures as originally promised, T.I. Wow has now decided to jump on the Soulja Boy bandwagon. Who didn't see that coming?

When I heard "Lookin' Boy," I had a feeling we would hear more songs that would suggest hip hop is back in third grade. Enter "Marco Polo." I have two words for this: The fuck.

Rick Ross is in drama class pretending to be a coke dealer and now we have a bunch of rappers in recess spitting rhymes about games only nine-year-olds just learning how to swim should be allowed to talk about. What's next? "Duck Duck Goose?" I can already hear a hook about hide and go seek and needing a peak on the horizon.

I try not to take this too seriously, but I can't help but think this is all designed to make people dumber. The same audience this song and video are geared towards now consider anything older than six months to be an old school joint. Likewise, many of their tongues need a break whenever they have to pronounce a word that consisting of more than two syllables. It's not a coincidence, ya'll. No Child Left Behind rap is only going to get worse. I'm just saying.

Via That Grape Juice

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Thursday, July 24, 2008
2:51 PM


Oh They're Mad Again

 

I'm not really trying to go into too much length over this, but I honestly find all this venom being hurled at CNN and Soledad O'Brien to be somewhat comical.

Did I think the special's intent was to enlighten Black people in America on what it is like to be Black in America?

No. It's for people without a clue who might now have a wee bit of interest in us outside of how we jump or how low we can dance. Der.

Did I expect them to offer solutions on how Black people can solve all of their social ills?

No.

It was a special assignment given to a wonderful news anchor and reporter who got screwed out of her morning show duties. So, she gets a big two day special and CNN gets ratings. Not to mention, it was never presented to be an after school special, so what exactly were people expecting?

Am I surprised there are some Black people angry about the special?

Hardly. It never fails. I would take this special over watching David Banner yell over women for an hour any day of the week.

Some people are mad because they felt the special "reinforced negative stereotypes." Here's a thought: A lot of what's being said about our community is true. Regardless of the contributions (both past and present) that have contributed to certain circumstances they remain true (albeit some only partially).

68% of Black children are born out of wedlock. Who is their mother? It's not Lauren Conrad.

A lot of young Black men and women (the latter under reported) are going to jail in droves.

We do make up a strong portion of the HIV/AIDS cases.

Many educated Black women are single. Marriage in general is on a decline.

And instead of throwing out stats, the special offered faces to go with figures. It's a lot harder to write off someone's problems once you actually hear them speak.

As far as defying the stereotypes goes: They spoke with a Black screenwriter, a Harvard educated economist, an HIV + positive women (who said she was in a monogamist relationship at the time of contraction) who is a published author and activist, and the woman hosting the event identifies herself as a Black woman.

Again I ask, what do people expect? A lie to make them feel better about themselves and their accomplishments? If you still need that type of validation from a media that hardly ever championed your cause to begin with that's your bad.

Certain Blacks have a problem when the spotlight is on their less privileged and/or accomplished brethren. It's that snooty elitist attitude that basically translates into: Stop linking me with them.

Some portions of the special I could have lived without watching (not to mention that spoken word artist/poet/whatever), but it was a special on a cable news network that was never presented as some monumental moment in the history of Black people. If you didn't care to watch it, fine. If you're more bothered by the fact that certain images of Black people that you've been able to escape thanks to the great work of your parents were aired yet again: get over yourself.

I'm actually more concerned about how the show spotlighted how direct people are about using materialism to educate people than I am about a few uppitier than thou colored folk being caught in another tizzy over being linked to other Blacks 'not on their level.'

We're not as bad off as we're often depicted the same way we're not all angels. Accept it.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 6 Comments

10:29 AM


Same Lie, Different Fraud

 


You mean to tell me Rick Ross isn't really a drug czar? I would have never guessed despite no one talking about Rick Ross' drug cartel past besides Rick Ross on wax. The next thing you'll tell me is that Lil' Wayne is a fake Blood and my toilet paper goes harder than The Game.

If there's anything to learn from the Ricky Ross controversy it's that people need to learn how to lie better.

Remember when pictures of Eve getting a tongue-assisted vaginal massage from a fellow stripper surfaced a few years back? Her response was "photoshop" although if you look at the grainy picture, her facial expressions suggested she was being sexually aroused. That or she makes really interesting facial expressions at interesting angles. Besides, the notion that Eve much less any random stripper could be bisexual (or at least gay for pay) isn't all that hard to believe. Lucky for her, though, that by the time the pictures leaked to the web the only Eve people still cared about was the fruit snatcher from the Bible.

Borrowing from the Eve playbook, Ross initially went with the same trite "photoshop" excuse.

He told All Hip Hop:

"My life is 100% real. These online hackers putting a picture of my face when I was a teenager in high school on other peoples' body. If this s**t was real don't you think they would have more specifics, like dates and everything?”

Officer Ross could have done better than the "I looked 40 in high school" excuse. Oh and once specifics leaked (his start date, his salary, his SSN) he claimed the documents were forged.

Oh I get it. The haters and the government joined together in a secret conspiracy to bring down Rick Ross. This heinous plot was unleashed to soil his rising popularity and growing influence. You know, so the world won't lose any sleep over the biggest boss that we've seen thus far.

Look, I understand that it's standard for many artists to have delusions of grandeur, but who does homie think he is? Rick Bourne? No one cares that much. We have many coke rappers out there -- some of whom have actually sold coke.

Why didn't he just say that the CO job was a cover? Or maybe hint that he was a crooked corrections officer. I would still look at him as an obese version of Mr. T. who has only pushed weight on the scale, but there are plenty of fools out there who would accept either lie.

He's not alone, though. From the carefully scripted fallacies of The Hills to the too good to be true drug cartel stories of Rick Ross, we're all being sold fairytales.

You don't have to go far from Ross' Miami locale to find another liar in the fold. While he often sounds like he just finished his shift picking cotton, more and more people have talked to me about how different Plies sounds in interviews than on his albums. Yes, Plies can read. So well in fact that he just started a scholarship foundation. He should probably be commended for that since the foundation is geared toward offering legal services to the incarcerated while also helping them rehabilitate, but that would counter the image he's crafted for himself.

I know for a fact that there are a bunch of kids sitting in juvenile hall idolizing Plies and Lil' Wayne. Plies for doing time (although that's never been confirmed) and Wayne for...well being Wayne.

Each of them have made a fortune off their naivete as the bulk of these kids who try to mimic their tales end up dead, in jail, or become addicts. Speaking of addicts, Lil' Wayne can boast about a great life, but here's a thought: Drug addicts aren't happy. No one points that out, though. Everyone's too busy pretending to be Italian, or Cuban, or Frank Lucas, or Jay-Z, or someone else that's pretending themselves.

The only other lesson in this could be to learn when to shut up. Rick Bourne aggravated the situation by denying initial reports and then telling people to find more proof. And even after said proof surfaced he still denied his past. Now actual people are going to come out to say what we already know now: Rick Ross is a lying ass liar.

Will it kill his career? I doubt it, and even if it did, there's another Dr. Suess out there ready to take his place.

Labels: ,


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Tuesday, July 22, 2008
3:54 PM


Have Fun With This

 



Is that a damn tranny at the beginning of the video?

I remember someone asking me to try out for this show. I remember telling that person I’d probably not talk to them anymore. I’m sure this will provide a lot of entertainment for all of the reality show enthusiasts out there, but judging from the fate of Mase, Cherri Dennis, and Total, working for Diddy Puff doesn’t sound like it’s all it’s cracked up to be.

“Good luck” (or should I say exposure) to all the contestants, but I’d rather work at or for the following than be Diddy’s on-air bitch:

1. The corner.

2. The corner store.

3. Under the freeway.

4. A sperm bank.

5. Wherever a bunch of cans are.

6. Rick Ross’ old job.

7. I Love….whatever VH1 comes up with next.

8. Soulja Boy’s speech coach.

9. Foxy Brown’s lookout at the boutique.

10. Lil’ Kim’s lying ass mirror.

You think shows like this have anything to do with Diddy Puff not getting an Emmy nod? Just a hunch. Ya’ll can have that show. I’ll wait for Making the Band 17.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

12:32 PM


Disturbia

 



Rihanna is back with another single, another video, and probably another album by the time I finish writing this post. She apparently "wrote" "Disturbia" with her boyfriend, Chris Brown. I'm guessing that means the redhead Rihanna's always with that has her birthday tattooed on Rihanna's shoulder ghostwrote this for them.

I'm really not that big a fan of this song. Rihanna uses a vocoder so naturally there's some appeal to the song, but there's something about it that makes me not like it. Maybe it's "bum bum bi dom dom" thing she does. It sounds like something Scooby and the Gang would run to. The video makes up for everything, though. Rihanna's goal in life is to look pretty and give us all something to gawk at a couple of minutes. Mission accomplished.

I'm glad I never called immigration on her. When I peeped that blond wig (I knew it wouldn't take long for them to get her in one), I almost fell back into bad habits, but it's OK. The video is intended to be dark and scary and what's scarier than a bunch of Black girls still trying to look like Marilyn Monroe?

It's too bad she's never going to release "Breakin' Dishes," though. Granted these days she can throw anything out and have it go number one (sorry Kelly Rowland, Ashanti, Amerie), but that song is one of her best and it's going to waste.

Eh, oh well, at least we get another good video out of her. Is it me or does that chick really enjoy swinging her head? Like, she swings it with such force and speed. I'm surprised it hasn't popped off and fling into the air like a boomerang. If her neck had a name it would be Katrina. Rich over at FourFour expounds on this...with video.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Monday, July 21, 2008
7:02 PM


I Tried Not To But...

 


I never want to appear like a snob. Sometimes I have to catch myself on what I write on the blog because I don’t want to come across as some elitist who gets frequent nose bleeds for sitting atop a pedestal too high in the sky. There are a lot of different reasons for that. They include Raid, tweezers (as a replacement for a remote), Ramen noodles, and Spam: All things I was familiar with coming up, and thanks to the private student loan industry, possibly things I might have to deal with a little bit longer than anticipated (Minus the Spam and noodles. Can I live? Not if I eat that.). That is, until some lovely agent, executive with a clue, and/or wonderful editor say the magic words I’m currently still grinding it out to hear. The other reason being that I don’t take myself seriously enough to be that stuck up.

This is all my way of saying: Yes, I went to Howard, no I’m not stupid and not ashamed of that, but don’t lump me into the category you think I should be placed in.

Normally I follow my instincts and let people think what they want. As a writer, though, I realize a message can often be lost by its messenger, so I have sometimes reevaluate what I say in order to be sure that what I’m saying will be read without prejudice.

When it comes to a lot of Black forms of entertainment, I think I’ve made it clear that while I don’t like most of what’s dominating these days , my problem is more so an issue of balance versus censoring content. Everything isn’t meant to be serious, people are sexual, and yes there are some things about us that are indeed true.

Then I hit the bookstore and flip.

After going to see The Dark Knight (which was dope by the way…go see it), I went to the Borders near-by. I wanted to read my friend and talented writer, Maiya Norton’s review of Ta-Nehisi Coates’ new book, The Beautiful Struggle, in the new Giant. Once I finished that, I headed over to the Black book section (a tiny, tiny two shelves in the huge megastore) to no doubt punish myself.

Most of the books I were along the lines:

Desperate Hoodwives
Sweeter Than Honey
Forever A Hustler’s Wife
You Gotta Sin To Be Saved
Pleasure
Drama Is Her Middle Name
Fool, Stop Trippin’

I actually laughed at the title You Gotta Sin To Be Saved until I realized that’s probably every one of that book’s readers new life motto after they’re done with the book. As for The Beautiful Struggle, there was one lonely copy amid several copies of the aforementioned.

I’ve known about this surge in “street lit” for some time now. I saw people with the books on the subways in New York and D.C. all the time. In some respects, I understand the conventional wisdom that goes, “Well…at least they’re reading.” I’ve thumbed through some of these books, and I’m not so sure how true that is after considering how poorly written and edited many of these titles are. I always thought books were intended to make you smarter. Who knew they might actually make you dumber?

And this is where I start to wonder maybe I’m not being fair. Everyone has a right to be heard, and just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean everyone else should follow suit. If I can dance to bullshit at the club, people can read bullshit on the train. Besides, I have friends that read a lot of these books and I don’t think they’re dumb. The books? Fuck yes...and that's why those feelings all rush back.

C’mon nah, Fool, Stop Trippin’. What’s next? Bitch, Quit Playin’? (Don’t none of ya’ll take my idea.)

Looking through those shelves more and more I noticed a big divide between generations of writers. It's like half the books by the old heads are about the Montgomery Bus Boycott and the ones by the young folks us focus on selling drugs by the bus stop. Anything considered to be a happy medium or something outside the norm is lost amongst the fourth copy of Every Thug Needs A Lady.

I don’t even have the patience to tackle how events have led to that point, but I know that more and more I hear so many people with sense wear their resentment towards reading like it’s a badge of honor. There are grown people who can’t formulate complete sentences and it doesn’t bother them in the least. Granted I’m a math failure, but if my tongue and teeth runaway from home, I am still able to write down, “Math has always been my very own personal terrorist. Can you help me not feel like an idiot?” to a math tutor.
Not to go into a tangent, but there’s a reason why people don’t want you reading. You can’t contest what you’re ignoring.

Anyhow, one of my biggest fears is that I and many of my friends will write really great works that may go largely unnoticed by the people they were intended for. An even greater fear is that we might not even get the opportunity to test our luck because publishers are all about the bottom line, and currently the bottom of the barrel is where the money’s at.
Maybe if people knew the difference between literature and leisure reading I would feel better about it. The lines have been blurred, though, so sometimes I can't help but want to light a match.

Disclaimer: I am not really going to light any bookstores on fire. I realize some authors have actually benefitted from being locked up, but I ain't one of them, so don't do me.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 11 Comments

Friday, July 18, 2008
1:16 PM


Tell 'Em Why You Mad

 



Fuck effort: Courtroom style.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 7 Comments

Thursday, July 17, 2008
4:43 PM


Goodies

 

Throughout her short career (or maybe it's now considered lengthy by contemporary standards) Ashanti has relied on a bevy of gimmicks to get ahead. Sex, however, has never really been one of them. About a week or so ago, I saw stills of Ashanti from the set of "Body On Me." I noticed that for the first time, she was starting to show a little ass.


Thick track thighs can only get so far when inflation is the highest in 17 years. Ashanti needs gas money, too, ya'll. Combine that with the fact that Ashanti's previous successes were largely rooted in her being in our faces every other second for two or three years non-stop, after that four year break ( intended or not), I can see why she's pulling out all the stops. Showing ass might be her only hope to buying back a seat back on the couch of relevance. Can't buy CDs the first week out like you used to.

Now on with the show.



I might get in trouble for this, but I kinda like the video. It looks like it cost $3 to make, but because of the treatment, it looks like it at least set her label back $5.69 (the same cost as the two grilled snack wraps, baked potato, and 1 order of chicken nuggets I copped from Wendy's earlier), so can she get a little credit for that? Or are you already laughing at me for trying to pay Ashanti a compliment in 2008? She's trying really hard.

The only thing I don't get about the video is the fact that a video for a song themed around having the ooh-wee cat trap has her channeling June Cleaver? If you're stuff is that good, why are you on the floor scrubbing floors? Shouldn't you be getting a pedicure while some underpaid maid does all the housework for you? Then again, I guess the point of being on your knees and dropping scuds on your skin is to entice someone to go buy your album. But unless Ashanti is offering an all-exclusive plane ticket into her vagina to some lucky album buyer, I don't see how that logic is going to help her move any units. Randomly screaming about it on the BET Awards won't help neefa.

But let me fall back before someone pushes me into that couch Ashanti fell in in the vide. I see her fans are getting their cyberthug on again.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 6 Comments

4:08 PM


You Decide: Fool Of The Week

 

Alright now, ya'll. I need some reader participation. Who deserves the honor of biggest fool of the week?

Solange:

Rap-up magazine: On being a Knowles

“At this point, it’s starting to hurt me more than help me because my family is sort of known as the new age Huxtables. We’re the clean-cut girls. But I got married at 17, had a kid at 17. Ever since I was younger, I always considered myself to be into more artistic things than [Beyoncé]. People just hear the [Knowles] name and they just put a stamp on it automatically.”

Bill O'Reilly:

FNC's Bill O'Reilly said Wednesday that the network didn't report on Jackson's use of the racial epithet previously because "I'm not in the business of hurting Jesse Jackson -- because it does hurt Jesse Jackson -- and I'm not in the business of creating some kind of controversy that's not relevant to the general subject: one civil rights leader disparaging another over policy. So we held it back. Some weasel leaked it to the Internet."

Soulja Boy:

On the importance of lyricism: "Ain't nobody into that shit no more."



Start at 1:45.

Elizabeth Hasselback:



Why is she crying?

Jesse Jackson:

Then:

Rev. Jesse Jackson is calling for entertainers to stop using the N-word.
"We will challenge and urge all artists and comics to stop using this word," Jackson said. "What other group is subjected to such a degrading terminology?"
Now:
The Rev. Jesse Jackson used the N-word during a break in a TV interview where he criticized presidential candidate Barack Obama, Fox News confirmed Wednesday.

Let your voice be heard!

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 10 Comments

4:01 PM


Teedra Fans

 



Why are these little girls singing "Backstroke?" Why would anyone put a video of a bunch of young girls singing about sex on YouTube? Should these little girls be charged for sucking the soul right out of this song? I have so many questions after watching this.

Someone send this to Teedra. Maybe she can forward this to some major label to prove she has crossover appeal. That way I can get a second album already. Hey, I'm just saying: It's been years now. Patience is a virtue, but c'mon nah.

Ok, back to the real issue: Why are these little girls singing that song? Is Hannah Montana considered wack now or something? I looked at the page and looked at the people responsible for this.

Does anyone know the choreographers Kalie Kelman or Brandon Rogers? I'd like to send hate mail.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

3:45 PM


And This Is Why I Didn't Stunt The New Yorker

 


When people argue that racism has become more covert in the 21st century, images like these and news outlets like FOX News suggest otherwise.

The story goes like this:
When a 25-year-old Manhattan graduate student who was assaulted Tuesday night got dressed that morning, she probably didn’t anticipate that her T-shirt would provoke four teens into shoving her, pulling out her earphones and spitting in her face.
What do kids like these days? I feel like treating.

The story goes on:
Now she’s suing the $69 shirt’s designer, Apollo Braun, for “all he’s got,” the designer claims.
What fool would pay $69 for that plain ass t-shirt?

The designer says:

“I can’t stand Obama,” Braun says, adding that it’s not because the Illinois senator is black. “That’s the only thing I like about him. He opens the door for other minorities.”

“He reminds me of Adolf Hitler,” Braun explained, adding he does not like Obama because “he is a Muslim” — a thoroughly debunked myth.


For the record:
This isn’t Braun’s first sartorial criticism of the Democratic presidential presumptive nominee. He has also sold shirts with slogans such as “Jews Against Obama,” “Obama = Hitler” and “Who Killed Obama?” — which he claims was so popular, he moved 1,200 pieces.
This is not satire. That's an insult to talented satirists and people with sense everywhere.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

Tuesday, July 15, 2008
12:46 PM


It's Spreading

 


No, no. Not everyone's anger. Me. While working on my first piece for The Root, the brouhaha over the recent New Yorker cover emerged, which subsequently led to my first piece for the site now being commentary on the growing controversy. I imagine many might disagree with me, but honestly, that's not important. What is important is that you be so kind to read it, share it, and maybe even add a little commentary of your own on the site. C'mon nah. Share the love and help spread the brand. I need more people.

Anywho, here it goes: Satire 101.

Oh and while I have you, if you're interested in the real story of the issue, you can read that story here.

But after you read my article first. Please. Haha.

Edit: Found out my piece got picked up by Slate. I'm geeked.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 7 Comments

12:05 PM


Knockin' Da Boots '08

 



Was Pretty Ricky even alive in 1993? I didn't think they started scaring nurses until at least 1995. I don't know how you can quite honor a person by destroying their greatest song, but that was obviously the intent of Pretty Ricky. I wouldn't be mad at Dino if he came back from beyond and put a boot up Pretty Ricky's ass because of it, though. I must say that while their rendition of "Knockin' Da Boots" leaves a lot to be desired, I am impressed at the video. The buffed up gremlins (at least two of them anyway) managed to make a single video look like a trailer for porno, a shoe commercial, a gym ad, and a cry for help all in four minutes.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

12:04 PM


Energy

 



I really like Keri Hilson. She's a good songwriter, and judging from her television appearances, seemingly has a great personality. For a while now, I've been looking forward to her solo album, but after hearing her first single, my interest in her debut project started to wane. This video doesn't help matters.

It's not that it's a bad video. On the contrary, it's actually very good. It's just it's not enough to make me forget how blase I am to the song. For all of the clever, hook-friendly, ear-catching songs she's penned, "Energy" is a very standard song. It's very bland and doesn't separate herself from all of the others out there.

Maybe for all of her charms, she doesn't have IT. I know some will quickly argue that IT no longer matters. With girls like Cassie using the blow blueprint for success, who can disagree?

But there are only so many spots allotted for people that don't have it but get something thanks to a label pouring millions into them. Right now and for a while probably, Rihanna's holding that area down. And she's actually grown into her success. Rihanna has improved. Threatening to revoke your green card does that to a person.

Maybe Keri can buy it or at least rent IT, but the Tootie hair with blond streaks can only take you so far. Same for showing skin.

I still might buy the album, though. I don't want her to end up like another Cherri Dennis. I won't even hold "Happy Juice" against her. Yeah, it's a dope song, but the drink itself is nasty!

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Monday, July 14, 2008
4:50 PM


Brush Alert

 



As I've explained on several occasions, I harbor no prejudices against any particular racial or ethnic group. To the contrary: I hate everyone equally. OK, maybe I hate stupid people a little more than everyone else, but how can you not?

Anyway, since I just made clear that I'm not prejudice (like how most prejudice people preface ignorant comments, but I promise, I'm really not prejudice...I hate everybody the same way, I swear), this video featuring Harold Ford Jr. kind of reminds me of certain issues that arise with miscegenation. Look at Ford's hair. Does he not look the fool on national television? They didn't have a brush on set? I mean, I know it's D.C., but c'mon it's D.C.: One swing around the "wrong" corner and you're bound to run into a store that sells Murrays, wave cups, and brushes.

I bet his wife - as lovely a woman as I bet she is - probably didn't even know there was a problem with his hair. She probably thinks it always looks like that. To her credit, judging from Ford's string of recent media appearances, she's probably right in thinking that way. Still, as his wife, she needs to learn how to grease his scalp. It's not like she has to worry about hers.

I wish I were in Tom Brokaw's seat. I would make Fresh's side-eye hall of fame.

If you're wondering why I am focused on his hair and not what Ford is saying, it's because I know Ford runs the DLC. Of course he agrees with Obama's push to make it apparent that he is, was, and forever will be a centrist: He runs the DLC. If the DLC had a mascot, it would be some sort of weird donkey-elephant creature that walks the Earth begging you to vote for him because he's just like Dumbo.

And for all that pandering, Ford still lost because of a racist ad. Meanwhile, Obama keeps a fresh shape up and that whole Scarlett Johansson e-mail story died faster than Guiliani's campaign. Coincidence? I think not.

Now, somebody tie Ford up and put him in the barber's chair. And don't let him get that weird part. Acid-wash jeans might be coming back (sigh), but that part is staying in the 80s.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

1:34 AM


I Can't Believe It Either

 


As much as I complain about how predictable, boring, and repetitive the radio is I have to admit a secret: I tend to be a sucker for a T-Pain hook. When I first heard “I’m In Love With A Stripper,” I found it be the corniest, laziest, most annoying song I had heard in a long time. I still feel that way, actually.

But then the other songs came. He followed the Ashanti blueprint for success and after a while, I found myself singing along to at least 10 of the 9,000 songs that feature his vocals. If you listen to him speak or perform, you’d think he was the spawn of Frito-Lay and the Ringling Brothers, but I still find myself singing one of his hooks every now and then. It’s that damn vocoder. Or maybe it’s the root he has working in the booth. Or maybe it's the fact that if something is played a million times non-stop all day, you can't help but sing-a-long after a while. Whatever it is, it’s got me. Even when I say I’m sick and tired of hearing him on the radio, I end up singing the next song he drops.

Enter “Can’t Believe It.” I should hate this song. It reeks of formality. The same trite ‘in love with a stripper’ subject matter, the talk-singing assisted by the vocoder, a guest appearance by another overexposed artist, Lil’ Wayne – everything that’s wrong with the radio to me. Yet the second I heard it I had to download it. And throw it on my iPod. And burn it to a disc for the ride to the gym.

On Friday, I got some disappointment news (e.g. no news), so I burn that frustration at the gym. The minute I put the song on, I start jigging. What was I thinking about again? Oh yeah…that. Well, whatever, Monday I get to start all over. Then I hit the dial to repeat the track. Continue jigging.

What’s wrong with me? This song isn’t even that hot. Or is it? The second I hear, “Oh I can’t believe it/Ooh, ooh, she all on me (on me)/Man (man), I think she want me (want me)/Nah, I can’t leave her lonely…nah,” I get hooked again -- just in time sing-a-long to, “She make the people say…yeah…yeah…yeah.”

Even Lil’ Wayne’s bars don’t wan me off the song. That creepy, ghoulish flow he does that makes me think he’s about to murk a Smurf as soon as he leaves the booth: still not enough to turn me off this song. I just jig to beat. Now that I’ve played it about a couple dozen times, I kind of already know his part. When I first heard about there being a T-Wayne Best of Both Worlds themed album on the horizon, I was frosty to the idea. Then again, it might have a few decent tracks, right? Maybe?

Dammit. I was really trying to get off the bandwagon, now I’m sucked right back in.

And I can’t believe it.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Sunday, July 13, 2008
2:33 PM


Be Nice or Get Fat

 



I don't approve of a skinny man being unprofessional, petty, and childish on the Negro Network. Not only does he embarrass himself, he embarrasses all skinny men. This plays right
into my brother and Mo'Nique's stereotype that we're evil because we're hungry. That is still not true, though Terrence should be tossed a sandwich if only to shut his mouth.

I like that he messed up the very line he tried to clown Rocsi for blowing earlier in the telecast. Way to make yourself look like an even bigger jackass, Terrence. Not to mention make it seem like skinny men can't clown and stay on message.

Rocsi handled herself very well. I think she'd do much better going the Cree Summer route to success and become the new queen of animation voiceovers, but she and Terrence seem to work well on this show together. Too bad she's about to call her people down in the N.O. to put a root on him. I hope you like frog's legs, Terrence: You'll have one sticking out the side of your neck by the end week.

What did Rocsi do to him where he felt compelled to try to bully and humiliate her on national television? Isn't hosting 106 & Park humiliation enough? I'm kidding. I would host that show in a stone washed denim jacket and Hammer pants if offered a steady check and access to potential celebrity sponsors.

Besides, I might have to step in and save the slim man's image. Terrence, you had better deliver an on-air apology tomorrow or the slim mafia will have to proceed to kidnap you and force feed you fatback and transfat. We can't have you making us look bad, homie. I just want to say to the thinphobes out there who will use this video to fuel your anti-mini man rhetoric: AJ never did that to Free.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

Thursday, July 10, 2008
9:55 PM


Really?

 



This is funny...in a sad sort of way. I want to send almonds, pistachios, and cashews to all of them.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 5 Comments

6:07 PM


Name Of The Week

 

There is a child in this world named Dernorvice. The parent must either be a dermatologist or a crackhead.

Runner-Up: The Y by my house had a sign that read, "Happy Birthday, Dalis!" If I have a kid, should I name it Dinfur or Myam'me?

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

2:41 PM


The Nutcracker

 



You know, I’m not really all that mad at Jesse for what he said. I’m actually more annoyed that Fox News took a comment made off the air and put Jesse on full blast in order to drum up a story to generate a much needed boost in ratings. This is essentially the problem I sometimes have with news being a commodity sold to advertisers 24 hours a day.

So Jesse’s the nutcracker. Ok, so what about the reason Jesse made the comment to begin with?

Lately Obama’s been taking a cue from the Bill Cosby school of thought. Personally, I feel like this is just another case of someone offering moral lesson with no real substance behind it. He ain't my preacher, he's a politician. I’m all for self-reliance, but in many cases we leave people out to dry. You want people to be better and do better, but what tools are you providing them to do so? What conditions that stricken people with nihilism are you actively trying to change?

Alright, Reverend Barry, you want kids to dead their rap dreams and stick to school. Have you been to many of these schools? Most of them are training people that look like me to be prisoners, not scholars. I know because I went to them. So what policies will be enacting if elected? That's what I want to hear.

Jesse has a point: You have to put policy behind it, too. And faith-based initiatives certainly aren’t enough. They shouldn’t take the place of government agencies.

And I’m not bashing him for trying to make people take some responsibility. I actually agree with him in principle. But, we didn’t all go to the best private school in our state, or Ivy League institutions, and many of our struggles certainly don’t compare to the ones he and his wife have complained about in years pass: One was an elected official married while the other is an Ivy-League graduate that earns a $300,000 a year in salary. I applaud their success, but when they talked about their struggles, I couldn't say I related.

But instead of having a discussion on Jesse's real point, the media is focused on the crude expression he used. They're using this as another example to argue how Jesse is so old, his existence now so trite, and how he’s the stuck on race. We see it from the likes of former communications director for John Edwards, Chris Kofinis talking about how Jesse only sees this race through the prism of color. Or one of the other random talking heads going on and on about how Obama transcends race yet each and every one of them have talked about race in one way or the other every single day of the news cycle since Obama won the Iowa caucus.

I am not Jesse Jackson’s spokesperson and I surely don’t make him and Al Sharpton the Pope and Prime Minister of Black folk, but many of these pundits are just as guilty as racially polarizing this election and our country as they are. Why do we keep talking to them anyway?

And while all of this is going on, John McCain has been a given a free pass for “jokingly” suggesting we ether Iran with cigarettes. We gave George Bush a pass in 2000 for “jokes” like that. How well did that turn out?

Now pass Jesse the duct tape so he can shut up, and allow the others to join him so we can talk about something of depth. No wait, that wouldn't get good ratings, would it?

Labels:


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 4 Comments

1:40 AM


Said We Cry

 



Something about the Game screams “mama didn’t hug me enough.” If you read the homie, Clover’s interview with Black Popeye a few months back in XXL, maybe you have already joined me in concluding that he’s very likely out of his rabbit ass mind. I don’t know what it is, but something about him makes me wish I could write prescriptions. Not to mention I never believe a damn thing he’s saying.

One minute he puts on airs that he’s harder than a Viagra patient during a Golden Girls marathon, the next thing you know you find out he's a contestant on a dating show. Then there’s the beef with 50, only these days (as of a week or so ago at least) the Game’s oh so grateful to 50 for helping his career.

And now he doesn’t want to be a part of hip hop anymore because no one else wants to take a stand? I’m not sure if he’s distraught over the miniscule number of mainstream rappers who don’t care about anything beyond what they got and what they want or the fact that none of the cool rappers wanted to work with him. I never believe rappers when they say they are retiring, and I definitely don’t believe someone who makes a big deal out of serving a couple of hours of jail time like his next public appearance will be the crossroads.

Now back to him crying: Am I the only one that fought back laughter as Game fought back tears?

Somebody hug him.

Oh and just so you know, I'm not saying it's not OK to cry. I actually almost cried earlier today when I found out people have been told to avoid eating any the catfish from the Gulf of Mexico. Just when I was craving some catfish and Hennessy. Indeed, I know pain.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

12:33 AM


Shouldn't She Be Hosting An After-School Special Instead?

 

If Jamie Lynn weren’t a natural blond and related to Britney Spears, me thinks she’d be called all types of whores instead of being celebrated in a national magazine. But she is so conventional wisdom dictates that the paler they are, the more likely they are to have their transgressions spun into positives.

In her cover story with OK! magazine, Jamie Lynn talks about her “perfect pregnancy,” her “perfect delivery,” and her desire to raise her child in the South. Apparently she would love to be a softball mom driving the kids around. Well, she’ll have all the time in the world to drive around Louisiana: Nickelodeon dropped her ass from their line up. That’s why she needed every cent of the “large payday” she got from the magazine. She’s certainly not going to get it from her fiancé, Casey Aldridge. Aldrige is reportedly a pipe layer from Liberty, Mississippi. Go figure.

On watching the father holding her child, the latest addition to a rising statistic said it "was the coolest thing. ... He was so happy, and that made me the happiest person alive."

Is it really? This week alone I saw two young girls that were pregnant. One was working the drive-thru at McDonalds, and was about as tall as a fetus and looked like she just lost her last set of baby teeth. Yet there she was…pregnant. The other I saw today at the grocery store. She looked about 16 or 17 with a growing pouch crowding her behind the register. I wonder how cool they think it is. I wouldn’t doubt if at least one though so.

No matter color you are or your socioeconomic status, getting knocked up that young is not a good look. I sometimes want to walk down the street and pass out condoms. I know I sound like the old man on the stoop, but I’ve seen plenty of girls since middle school get pregnant. Some have gone on to finish college and what not, while others fell down and never got back up. The latter has been more common.

As for Jamie Lynn, it’s not as if I think she should go lock herself in a closet and wallow in self-pity, but does Britney Spears’ 17-year-old sister really need to be on the cover of OK! magazine glorifying teen pregnancy? She doesn’t help matters with talking about how “perfect” everything is. I’m sure teenage pregnancy is OK for the likes of Jamie Lynn or even Solange – they can leech off the wealth of their sisters. What about the other young girls they’re selling a dream to?

Considering the other women in her life, Jamie Lynn ought to be shook about motherhood. Britney proved to barely raise Kevin’s dick after awhile, let alone his kids. And we can all see how well their mother did.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

Tuesday, July 08, 2008
5:51 PM


Showbiz

 



How many 80s babies remember Showbiz Pizza before it became Chuck E. Cheese? Don't play me like some of ya'll don't remember them. I know I'm not alone. I remember the pizza band scaring other children. Personally, I was too busy eating the pizza and chocolate cake to get spooked by those puppets. Oooh...pizza + cake! I miss both. Anyhow, while everyone's fawning over Usher's kid with the weed lips (kidding -- don't stab me, Tameka) I find this much more entertaining than that story. Hell, this is much better than the original video, too. Sorry, Keri.

Thanks, Ange.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 7 Comments

2:58 AM


I Need Her

 

Some blog readers have asked me if there’s anyone I actually like. I usually respond with “No! I hate everything and everyone. Now add your name to the ‘I don’t like your ass’ list for asking me that dumb question!”

You know, it’s really not my fault the industry is filled with short yellow bus riders, stroke tongue survivors, victims of Ursula the Sea Witch, fake thugs, and even faker stripper-themed Barbies. Don’t be mad at me; be mad at the A&R reps who signed them.

Believe it or not there are people that have come out within the past few years that I don’t want deported. With that, I want to take the time to acknowledge someone I do like without making any smart ass comments (about the artist at least). Indeed miracles do happen. For those of you giving me the gas face: Don’t worry, I’ll be back to clowning.



I’ve been following Jazmine Sullivan after downloading a couple of songs I found on message boards (be easy, label folks – I’m going to buy her album). What really piqued my interest was her cover of “Resentment.” As talented a vocalist as Beyonce is, there are certain songs of hers I can’t join the stans in salivating over because when it comes to conveying pain, Beyonce’s not really believable. I imagine the only relative pain she’s ever been through was the one time she had to give Solange the big piece of chicken – and no matter how gifted a vocal arranger she is, it shows. "Resentment" is one of those songs.

By contrast, when I listen to Jazmine’s version of the song, I can feel the emotion. I love her voice. It sets her a part from everyone else out now. I didn’t really get the Lauryn Hill comparisons at first, but I gather it’s that both have a sort of raspy tinge to their voices.



You can hear it on Jazmine’s first single, “Need U Bad.” I love this song. So much. Earlier today I turned the radio on and they were playing it. I was expecting to here “Looka Boy” for the 20th time (it came on right after, though). Am I the only one that will show out like I actually have talent when I really feel the song? I was slamming on the steering wheel singing like I was about to collect a check. I’m pretty sure fools were driving by thinking, “Look at that fool!”

I’on care. Do you know how long it’s been since I’ve heard a song from a credible singer hitting notes that don’t sound like they were inspired by Curious George or Rosie from the Jetsons? I’m going to bask in the moment for as long as I can. I really hope Clive and 'nem promote her. J Records has a habit of sometimes only promoting people named Alicia, so I really hope they don't screw her over. If someone told me R&B had cancer, I'd believe them so I really need J to be on their dean. We need more artists like Jazmine (and Teedra Moses, by the way).

Now love her, folk. Love her now.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 9 Comments

Monday, July 07, 2008
12:05 AM


BYE!

 

On Saturday I went to a wedding held at an old plantation that’s since been converted into some marriage making cottage. While looking at the spiffy décor and debating how many ghosts are spooking the owners at night in my head, the plantation reminded me of something: a bigot died the other day.

If you don’t know the name Jesse Helms, just picture David Duke with a credible political career. Think George Wallace and Strom Thurmond: his brothers in bigotry. Helms died on the Fourth of July, which most news segments on his death suggested was appropriate given his service to American government.

I can’t say that I’m at all surprised this hero to the hood (of the white, cone-shaped variety) had his life largely surmised as a staunch conservative who stuck to his guns. Unfortunately in situations such as these, we come to expect the mainstream media to take the liberty to conveniently forget the real story of a person. You would think once you reach the point in which your coverage treats the words truth and news as if they were adversaries that it would behoove one to get back to the real. But, a racist with clout died, so in many people’s eyes Helms should be treated with the respect he never paid to anyone different from him.

Some of his greatest hits excluded from coverage include:




Anyway, the two best Helms stories remain:

Soon after the Senate vote on the Confederate flag insignia, Sen. Jesse Helms (R.-N.C.) ran into [African-American Illinois Senator Carol] Mosely-Braun in a Capitol elevator. Helms turned to his friend, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R.-Utah), and said, "Watch me make her cry. I'm going to make her cry. I'm going to sing 'Dixie' until she cries."
He then proceeded to sing the song about "the good life" during slavery to Mosely-Braun.

And, from a Senate hearing:

Secretary of State Warren Christopher: Our support for President Aristide is based upon the fact that he won a democratic election in Haiti, which was certified to be an
open and free--

Helms: So did Hitler!

Christopher: --with about 70 percent of the votes and--

Helms: So did Hitler.


Not to be outdone, he called the Civil Rights Act the worst piece of legislation to ever pass in America, and staunchly fought against a national holiday honoring Martin Luther King, Jr. He never altered his views on either issue.

As someone championed as a part of the dying breed of old school southern politicians (re: overt racists), I know that in his death he is now an even bigger icon to those with similar views.

While I don’t necessarily wish ill on anyone, it would be so nice if at least some of the following happen:

Al Sharpton is chosen to conduct funeral services.

Paul Mooney delivers his eulogy.

Barack Obama leads "Amazing Grace."

While being made up for his public viewing, he’s given a conk.

Someone at the funeral home misprints his name and puts “Tyrone Helms” on his tombstone.

Every Black person in North Carolina is allowed to do my dougie on his grave.

Just before he’s denied entrance into the pearly white gates, Jesus appears to Helms with locs as he proceeds to chunk the deuce to him on his way down.

Suge Knight. The dude that whoop Suge Knight’s ass is his bunk buddy in hell.

He’s not really dead, but for the rest of his life is like the movie Groundhog Dog except he wakes up on MLK in a different city everyday.

If he’s reincarnated, he comes back as Ving Rhames.

I’m just saying.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Friday, July 04, 2008
10:33 AM


Free To Dissent

 

If we can love our friends, family members, and significant others despite their imperfections, why can't the same be said of our country? In a climate where censorship is promoted through the guise of political correctness, now more than ever do we find patriotism solely defined by blind allegiance.

So many people find themselves vilified the second the speak of America's ills -- even if they've risked their lives defending it. A dissenting opinion alone does not warrant the label "Un-American." Rather, it often suggests real patriotism: The push for this country to deliver on the promises in which it was founded on.

With that, I wanted to share a portion of a speech delivered by Dr. King in 1972. In it, Dr. King touches on "divine dissatisfaction."

Let us be dissatisfied until America will no longer have a high blood pressure of creeds and an anemia of deeds. Let us be dissatisfied until the tragic walls that separate the outer city of wealth and comfort and the inner city of poverty and despair shall be crushed by the battering rams of the forces of justice. Let us be dissatisfied until those that live on the outskirts of hope are brought into the metropolis of daily security. Let us be dissatisfied until slums are cast into the junk heaps of history, and ever family is living in a decent sanitary home. Let us be dissatisfied until the dark yesterdays of segregated schools will be transformed into bright tomorrows of quality, integrated education. Let us be dissatisfied until integration is not seen as a problem but as an opportunity to participate in the beauty of diversity. Let us be dissatisfied until men and women, however black they may be, will be judged on the basis of the content of their character and not on the basis of the color of their skin. Let us be dissatisfied. Let us be dissatisfied until every state capitol houses a governor who will do justly, who will love mercy and who will walk humbly with his God. Let us be dissatisfied until from every city hall, justice will roll down like waters and righteousness like a mighty stream. Let us be dissatisfied until that day when the lion and the lamb shall lie down together, and every man will sit under his own vine and fig tree and none shall be afraid. Let us be dissatisfied. And men will recognize that out of one blood God made all men to swell upon the face of Earth. Let us be dissatisfied until that day when nobody will shout "White Power!" - when nobody will shout "Black Power!" - but everybody will talk about God' power and human power.

Notice how thirty-six years later and not only does much of it still apply, it can be amended to include even more factions of society. For those that can't acknowledge America's faults without wincing, that isn't love. It's zealotry.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Thursday, July 03, 2008
7:37 PM


What About Your Friends

 



Word around the internets is that Bow Wow is dissing his ex-labelmate and special friend, Omarion, or as Bow Wow likes to call him, the Prince of My Puppy Palace R&B.

I’m not really sure of two things. One, do I even care either way? Two, if I did care, maybe it’s just a joke? Y’know, the song is themed around fifth-grade level insults, so maybe Bow Wow is merely showing that couples duos can joke with each other.

Surely, Bow Wow can’t have a problem with Omarion’s tight red jeans. Not even because it gives him an opportunity to create a freestyle around “In Those Jeans.” Lil’ Wayne owns the same pair of Big Red denim! And ya’ll know how much T.I. Bow Weezy loves him some Wayne. His flow, his sales, his relevance: Bow Wow would love to have all of that. We’ll probably see a video of him in red pants walking around his backyard uploaded to his Prince of Bow Wow YouTube account by the end of next week.

Then again, Bow Wow often appears to be an irritating self-important jackass who will do anything to get attention.

Or maybe he is dissing him because he prefers him in black?

Whatever the reason behind the diss, unless Bow Wow finds something better to do with his time, that mean munchkin needs to go the way of Another Bad Creation. Omarion seems sensitive to stuff like this.

So, Omarion, if Bow Wow tries to dig at you again, just stand firm, grit your teeth, and with your helium voice say: “You ole stroked out wrist having looka boy.”


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

7:29 PM


A New Profile

 

It’s interesting that on the eve of a holiday centered on freedom our very government is working towards infringing on the privacy rights of its citizens with every passing day.

If the FISA bill weren’t enough, two articles I read this morning heighten my already growing weariness that in terms of individual rights, this country is moving in a direction completely antithetical to the notion of liberty in which it was founded (although that’s kind of always been a long standing joke with people of color, no?).

The BBC (of course) reported that a U.S. court has ordered Google to reveal the viewing habits of every user who has ever watched a video on YouTube. Ever. That means, you, me, and everyone you know. The ruling comes as part of Google's long-standing legal battle with Viacom over allegations of copyright infringement.

Digital rights group the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF) called the ruling a "set-back to privacy rights.” You don’t say.

Not to be outdone, the Justice Department publicly acknowledges that they are considering allowing the FBI to use racial profiling in their investigations. Without any sign of wrongdoing, the FBI may have free reign to single out Arabs, Muslims, or any racial or ethnic group they want. In essence: Everyone is guilty until proven innocent. Arguably for certain groups that’s nothing new either, but they’ve never been so forthright about it.

Attorney General Michael Mukasey on the move: "It's necessary to put in place regulations that will allow the FBI to transform itself ... into an intelligence gathering organization in addition to just a crime solving organization.”

Am I the only feeling uncomfortable about that?

The reasoning behind this decision is to root out terrorists before they strike.

Without going into any lengthy diatribe, I’ll just leave you with a quote I saw a user post on the Huffington Post where I found the article.
"If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of
fighting a foreign enemy." - James Madison
Think about it. And after you think about it, make sure one of you keeps tabs on me. I’m pretty sure you can’t blog at Guantanamo.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

7:23 PM


She'll Be Loving Herself Long Time

 


Mariah Carey I'll Be loving U long Time Exclu
Uploaded by Mariahgenerationforum


“I'll Be Loving U Long Time” is the only other song on the album besides the first single and bird-approved international bonus track “Heat” that I actually enjoy. Naturally, she’d ruin it by putting a rapper on it. I hate when artists brand something a “remix” with nothing new actually being mixed into the song other than a couple of forgettable bars.

Most Mariah Carey videos are no doubt intended to serve the sole purpose of appeasing Mariah’s vanity. See Malibu Mariah’s long flowing blond hair. See Mariah look pretty. See Mariah’s perfect poses. See Mariah’s body. Look at Mariah? Ain’t she sexy? This video continues that legacy. The only difference this time is that Mariah is on a beach, which is perfect for Mimi and her new slimmer figure – she gets to wear a bathing suit. That makes Mariah even sexier, right? I wouldn’t doubt that if Mimi had one too many glasses of wine during the shoot, she tried to get Flipper to acknowledge her sessy.

I do love the fact that despite her being stiffer than Chris Stokes backstage at America’s Best Dance Crew, Mariah will not stop dancing. Still, this video is dull, and I’m so sick of materialistic rhymes that equate love with the amount you spend on designer bags and expensive cars being interjected into love-themed songs. The next time someone bothers to try and spit such garbage in the “jungle,” “beach,” or green screen, may the set suddenly turn into Jurassic Park.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

12:15 AM


Huh?

 


Lil Wayne - A Milli [Official Video] ? [NEW]
Uploaded by kenjiiro


This is three minutes of my life I'm never going to get back. For one of the biggest singles to come out in years in which everyone and their Lil' Mama jumped on, you would think the video would go just as hard as the single. Instead all we get is Wayne walking around the video set -- making this look more like a commercial for growth hormones than a music video. I guess when you sell a million albums your first week you can afford to forget effort. And you know what? I bet the bulk of his mainstream media fans who seemingly kiss him more than Baby are still going to eat this up. I'm almost certain someone will dub this video brilliant, and laud him for the simplicity of the video treatment.

But, since I don't drink cough syrup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, I'm going to stick with the opinion that he could have come a milli times harder with than this.

Spotted @ Nah Right.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Tuesday, July 01, 2008
2:28 PM


Ya'll Need More People

 



Perhaps I'm not being fair to my black brethren across the political aisle, but I'm more inclined to take a joint video release from Osama Bin Laden and David Duke more seriously than I am an ad by Black Republicans. Truth be told, nann party is all that great these days, but I find one hella more annoying than the other. When a Republican president sticks around for way too long (1 day, eight years) we get the same sorts of problems: rise in crime, gangs, drugs, the dollar going the way of the peso, and the mean mug being the national smile. Instead of branding Obama an arrogant elitist, Bush supporters ought to be looking at their mess of a President and their nominee of choice. Then go sulk.

Bless their hearts for even thinking Black folk will pay them any mind. Try again in 2012.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

2:04 PM


Do You Promise?

 


Who is she trying to fool?
Keys has expressed that she wants to retire when she’s 30 so she can spend the rest of her life traveling the world.

She says, "I am working hard now so I have the choice to retire when I want.

"I would like to travel the world and stay in places instead of having to move on like I do now. I want to experience difference cultures."
For a second, I was ready to type, "BYE!" But then I thought about it. She's lying. She's not going to retire. None of them who say they're going to retire ever do. She's going to release eight more albums in ten years just to mess with me. And you know what? I'll probably buy at least four of them. Why? Look at what she'd leave us with if she did enter early retirement.

There are far too many girls in the industry that owe their careers to fellatio. The least I can do is continue to cling onto the hope that the one woman who went to a school with an actual music program delivers a classic album. Besides, I gave up on Lauryn Hill coming back years ago.

I will say that if Alicia keeps abusing her voice the way she does, she won't have much of a voice by the time she's 30. Last year I thought she sounded like a cat on "No One." Lately she's been sounding like one of those tortured detainees at Guantanamo is her vocal coach.
Might be a good idea to start spacing those tours out.

*Awaits the wrath of Alicia stans.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 6 Comments