<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d13627209\x26blogName\x3dThe+Cynical+Ones\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLUE\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://thecynicalones.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttps://thecynicalones.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-6731657404205710599', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
About Me

Writer. Music head. Political junkie. Pop culture whore. Funny black boy. Looking to have a voice in the world -- with a few good sponsors.

View My Complete Profile


Find Me Here:

The Recession Diaries

The Spin

Stay Tuned

Twitter


The Roll

1016

Aliya King

All That I Am: A Diary of My Randymethoughts Pt. II

Amerika's Muse

Bark + Bite

Basement Elevation

Bomani Jones

Bossip

Brooklyn Sista

Clay Cane

Concrete Loop

crunk and disorderly

Dope Penmanship

Fly Cliches

Four Four

GangStarrGirl

Got Sole?

Hot 2 Def Inc.

Incommunicado

Just Another Girl on the IRT

Me, Myself An Eye

Middlechild Promotions

Mz. Virgo

Necole Bitchie

Negrita Linda

One Boy Revolution

Oo Itz Santo

Queen of the Non Sequiturs

Queen To Be

Rhymes With Snitch

Soulbounce

Straight From The A

Thank God I'm Famous

That Grape Juice

The Fury

The Real 7

The search for RELLevance

Think2wice

Toya's World



Previous Posts

Moving Along, Ya'll
Tell Me (Said w/ a Dru Hill Jump)
Shake It Fast...But Watch Ya Self
Tyson Would Top Obama
Do The Libby Leg!
Mama, I Need A Career Planner
No.
Why Didn't He Interrupt Me Last Week?
Excuse Ya'll
Me Time

archives

May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009


Add to Technorati Favorites

Site Meter

free page hit
counter

Friday, February 27, 2009
12:39 PM


Good News

 


Not that I ever believed her, but for several years now, Beyonce has been talking about wanting to retire at the age of 30 so she can settle down and have some big head babies. I tend to never believe artists when they talk about retiring, though for a second there I worried she might scale back after marrying Jigga. One kid alone could spread those hips wider than the Mississippi -- and we all know our girl loves her some Popeyes. He done a put a ring on it, so the fear that after a two piece of chicken and kids she might up and decide at 29 1/2, "Let Rihanna have it" started to feel real.

Thankfully, Beyonce has come to realize retirement is for quitters.

She told Ebony: “I’ve worked so hard on my craft, and I will never stop. I will never retire. I love it way too much.”

That's right. Don't you ever leave me, Beyonce. I don't know what it's like to live in a world without Beyonce p-poppin' all over it, but that is not a world I want to ever come to learn anyway. Not now. Not ever. Especially now that's she's back to wearing hair that's not straight and blonde.

When she told me she wanted to record a soul album, I was so geeked. When I heard "Work It Out," I fell in love. She looks amazing in this photo. I swear I would run barefoot down MLK to get her the Tuesday special at Popeyes -- two piece for .89 cents. You know what? Fuck it. I would get her the family special. She's that wonderful, which is why sometimes I get disappointed that she doesn't live up to her full potential. I want the soul album she promised me.

Yesterday I was talking to a friend and Beyonce basher who claims I never say anything bad about her. If you read this blog, you know that's not true at all. I've virtually handed her a muzzle, expressed disappointment in her stagmatism both musically and visually, so it's not like I compliment every single thing she does. Me thinks this person doesn't really think this, but I will say this: If you don't like Beyonce even a little bit, something must be wrong with you.

There I've finally said it. I can understand why you may wish she go a little deeper, have a little more substance, or push herself harder, but how can you not like Beyonce at all? Seriously. If you don't like her at all, what's the matter? Have you been treated for this condition, and if so, what did the doctor prescribe? Better taste? I'm intrigued.

I've noticed online - typically from message boards - that Beyonce brings out the insecure little girl in people. Is she the best singer in the world? No. Is she the best dancer in the world? Nah, but I certainly appreciate a good twirker. Is the the best we have in the industry overall? Hell yeah.

She is leap and heads above her peers, and while I hate when people get accolades for being so good because everyone else is so bad, I don't place Beyonce in that category. She would be killing it in any decade.

That is why I am so glad she has no plans of ever leaving me. I want us both to be getting it in our walkers until we're over 100. If that thought makes you queasy, take a Tums. You're not living right.

Stanism aside, how can you not find any redeemable qualities in Beyonce? Yes, she seems to be a part of Dr. Suess' book club, and yeah she's pretty vapid in most interviews. Alright, she acts like she molded and shaped the Earth herself some \times, but a lot of big artists can be described this way. I happen to think most celebrities are pretty boring in general. But as long as you can deliver at your job, I'm good.

Have you watched an awards show without her? I rest my case.

I've heard different theories about why so many can't stand her. Some say you're likely a loser, or you're ugly...maybe a combination a both. When people grip about so many people fawning over her, it usually comes across as some petty high school jealousy. Hey, I ain't have those issues, fam.

So, if you're a hater for any other reason besides Beyonce stealing your stuff (which she seems to do on the regular), explain yourselves.

It's not normal to not like her.

Labels: ,


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 11 Comments

11:42 AM


The Jig, The Blog, The Tweet (or Twit)

 

First things first: I have my first lead on The Root today. On a site known for featuring some of the best and brightest in the world of Black intelligentsia, it's nice to see that even an article on The Stanky Legg can find its way onto the site. Bitch, they're wired.

Just this morning I started off with prayer and the stanky legg. I may start off my day that way from now on. Can't go wrong with The Lord and the jig.

Moving on I'm so mad at myself for passing out last night before I could finish updating my blog. If you've noticed, I've been trying to update more. That's in part to me realizing I was falling off a bit, and the fact that people have reminded me on several occasions that I ought to post more.

Plus, I'd like to avoid emails such as these:

Hey How r u?

cool i hope, im a big fan of ur blog its refreshing to see a different spin on things and not the same nonsense on pretty much every other black blogs.

i do have one thing to say though, u must be one of the laziest blog masters lol

why do u not update more often, i appreciatte you have a life but i think u can enlighten us more often,ok thanks

Lulu

ps:im sure the way i constructed my letter will drive u crazy.

By now Lulu must think I’m also a lazy ass emailer because I never got around to replying to her. I’m actually pretty good with returning emails, but I didn’t know what to say given people seem to forget one thing: This is free.

Now, I’d love to be making money off my blog like the others, but I’m not there yet. I probably would get there if I updated more, though, so point taken, Lulu. Thanks for the email. At least you care.

Just so everyone knows I appreciate all of you that have been reading this blog for a while now. And those of you just now finding me. Help me find more people!

Oh yeah, FYI, in the next few months hopefully I’ll switch over to Wordpress and get a dotcom. I'm also mulling the idea of video blogging, but I don't know how I want to go about it yet.

But for the real reason I wrote this post: I’ve joined Twitter.

Yeah, I was initially confused as hell about it, but I’ve gotten the hang of it. Will I be twittering from the dentist office? Probably not, but hey, I’m on there now. People have been asking me all week why am I not on there.

Well I am. Follow me, add me, all that here.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

Thursday, February 26, 2009
11:20 PM


Don't Worry, Son, It'll Grow Back

 


That's what my mom told me as she laughed at my now infamous idiotic decision to let a non-English speaking Korean line my hair up. As every reader now knows, I've made some bad decisions recently. The other day one of my friends told me that I should have said to the guy, "Barack Obama" and that maybe I would've gotten a better line up. I don't know if that's true, but I certainly wasn't trying to walk out of that place looking like Sherman Hemsley.

That picture above is from my most recent hair cut. Yes, I went and got another haircut, but no, not from the same person. Hell nawl. Even I am not that much of a glutton for punishment. I got referred to a new place, and don't worry, the place was Black. In fact, when I walked in the barber who cut my hair was eating a fish plate in a big sytrafoam box. The minute I saw that I knew I would be alright. The fish place was across the street and get this, they take food stamps. Catfish is on the government, everyone!

Anyhow, when I sat down before he started cutting I immediately said, "OK, so I let someone mess me up a week ago, right." Before I could even finish he said, "Oh no...I can tell. It's way too high up." Damn, that means it was as bad as I thought it was. I knew people were lying to me. However, I was told that it will grow back, which I was confident about. Unfortunately, I've been screwed up many times before. Damn cow lick.

I cut my hair really short and made sure that the line was brought back down so as my hair grows, everything will fall back into place. Naturally, now more people are going to walk up to me speaking Spanish, but the minute my accent comes out, they're quick to whisper, "Ooooh. Soy Negro." Or however you say damn, that's a just a colored with a Caesar.

This will be the last update about this. I am not turning The Cynical Ones into a damn online hair journal. I'm only updating ya'll before people start emailing my information about Just For Men and Lace Fronts. I appreciate the thought, but while I may be named after Michael Jackson, I'm not trying to use his glue.

Rest assured I will never ever let someone that doesn't know Black hair or the English language cut my hair again. I can't risk such a thing. Now, my feet, well, that's another story.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 7 Comments

Wednesday, February 25, 2009
2:08 AM


'09 on CP Time

 

Last year was full of disappointments on the entertainment front. The Wire ended and still wasn't recognized properly despite being one of the best written shows in television history.

Speaking of history, Janet threw out a disturbingly wack album that made her just that, followed by Mariah reeling us in with the catchy "Touch My Body" only to give us some subpar album then go off and marry the Black Screech Powers. And Usher, well, let's just say, he better be glad Chris Brown needs anger management after releasing Here I Stand.

And though I hate to admit it, I hated hearing I Am...Sasha Fierce. There's a reason why people with multi-personality disorder are given prescriptions, Bey. By the way, I don't care what anyone says: Solange's album was better in theory than in practice. I will say this: Thank you Solange for that temper tantrum you threw on the air. If not for that, I wouldn't have thought to take your album back and use that money to go to Chick-Fil-A.

I deciiiiiided, that that was the meal for me.

Even the rookies let me down. I had been waiting for Jazmine Sullivan's debut since I heard her rendition of "Resentment." Then I actually heard it. Better luck next time.

I did enjoy Erykah Badu's album. Eh. I got nothing else. Anyhow, while '08 left me underwhelmed, I'm still optimistic about what this year will bring.

I suppose it would have been a good idea to put up an entry like this at the start of the year, but like my friend told their bill collectors, better late than never at all (followed by "quit calling me, bitch). Who cares if March is 'right around the corner? It's still early in '09.

Now on to what I'm looking forward to:

The Tour


She and the friend in her head may be a little too scatter brain in the studio, but Beyawnsay never disappoints on stage. The last time she went on tour I decided not to go. At the time, I had just graduated from college, was traveling in search of a job so I felt it would be best to be responsible and save my money. What a stupid idea that was. I'll never do some stupid stuff like that again.


I'm not going to see her, but I'm curious to see how this turns out. She looks and dresses the part again, but if you caught her performances back in December, you know Britney's still not totally into the idea of being a pop star again. Hopefully she finds the skeet taste of rhythm and oomph that made her worth noticing to begin with. If not, that means this train wreck has been going on far longer than it needed to. She blows this and it's officially time to derail her crazy ass.

The Comeback

Technically he never left, but Jay-Z wants to matter in rap, and yes, I'm a fan, but really, it's Wayne's World. I liked American Gangster the first time I heard it, but then about a month later I forgot all about it. It's akin to seeing a sequel, enjoying it for what it was, then going back to original that's far superior. Jay-Z talking about drugs is as up to date as Aretha Franklin announcing to the world she likes to eat.

Detox: Let's just pretend it may actually come out. I'm more interested in the possibility of this album than I am hearing more Curtis or Marshall.

The Effort

The more music I hear from Ciara's Fantasy Ride, the more it comes across like a jam packed bus in LA during rush hour. Note the bus smells like ass and failure. Even though she's suffered push back after push back she keeps on trying. She wants us all to like her so bad. Too bad none of us know who she really is anymore.

I have to give it to Eve: It's been seven years since she dropped an album and not many people cared then, yet here she is still trying. Bless her heart.

I like LeToya Luckett and while I forgot about her debut outside of "Torn" and "She Don't" I'm really hoping she does well the second time around. Yeah, that's all I got. I try not to go hard on people from my hood.


Shad doesn't know if he wants to be Lil' Wayne, T.I., or LL Cool J -- but he does want you to pretend he's still a relevant rapper. Sampling TLC and singing love songs to your mentor can only go so far. When will he learn he's best served trying to be the next Will Smith or Queen Latifah?

The New


He sings like Trey Songz and rhymes somewhat like a hybrid of Kanye West and Lil' Wayne. Yet, Drake still sounds like a man all his own. If you're not up on Drake, please download his mixtape. Then get the others. I love most of So Far Gone, but what I'm most impressed about is a dude from Toronto was able to perfectly capture the southside flow. If you don't know what that means, you're not from Houston. Turn on "November 18th" and learn. Drake is the man alone for releasing a screwed version of his mixtape.

I'm also curious about Kid Cudi, if only because one of my friends is trying to get me to like him.

Precious: I've finally started reading Sapphire's book Push today and I'm pretty sure that I'll likely be done with it by tomorrow. It essentially being written in dialect doesn't make it a hard read; the actual torment the main character, Precious, endures at the hands of her parents is. I cannot wait to see this movie. If it's anywhere near as good as this book has been thus far it deserves the Slumdog treatment next year.

The Random

I want to know whether or not Chris Brown will be doing the booty do in jail. I'm guessing not, but he better at least teach a charity dance class or something. Or submit himself to a week long session with Tyra Banks.

Learn if Shyne gets out on parole.

If it finally dawns on Christina Milian that huge success in music isn't in the cards.

If anyone will help Janet buy a clue about what went wrong with her music career.

Whether Whitney Houston will really bother releasing a new album or keep stringing us along every other BET awards show.

Watch one of the Housewives of Atlanta try to use an EBT card at the mall.

Find out if D'Angelo and Maxwell are really coming back.

Doing every new dumb ass dance in the club.

See someone tell Pamela Anderson that the world scheduled a conference call and decided it wants you to wear clothes now.


Keith told me he's dressed like a gay prostitute from the 80s in this pic. Any day now I'm waiting for someone to tell Kanye West though he may not be gay sometimes his clothes are.

Speaking of gay people, can't wait to add to the list of homophobic homosexual Republicans. Watch out when you enter those stalls, ya'll.

Alright, I've shared my hopes for '09. Tell me yours!

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 12 Comments

Tuesday, February 24, 2009
12:54 PM


Fatty

 

There's a reason why a sizable portion of the American male population needs to start shopping at Lane Bryant for chest support, and why a number of asses make Hyundais look like toy cars. We are a greedy nation, and it's about time that gluttony has been captured correctly online.

Meet one of my new favorite websites, This Is Why You're Fat. Two bonus points for using you're correctly.

There you will find heart-attack inducing creations like:


Chicken fried bacon with gravy.


Egg 'n ham sammich.


Some half pound rib eye, hot link, bacon concoction. Let's just call it Bypass Burger.


Fried cupcake.


Some crap with pudding, six sausage patties, burger patties, cheese, and God knows what else. They call it the Sandwich of Knowledge. I call it the Sandwich of Death. Go with my name. It's a lot more clever.

There's also a bacon wrapped meat loaf sandwich covered in mac 'n cheese, a deep fried tootsie roll, and a bunch of other treats that will have you needing insulin faster than you can say, "Oh my God, give me an Advil...I think I'm having a heart attack" half-way through that Bypass Burger.

I would post more, but I think my heart rate has been through enough.

Before anyone - well you in particular - says it, I have to admit I used to be a terrible eater. If you're familiar with Jack and the Box, you may know about the Extreme Sausage Sandwich: a double sausage patty with egg and cheese breakfast treat. I, however, never ate it with the egg. I showed restraint.

However, not enough, because I ate this every morning when I could, and would eat chicken strips with french fries for lunch, and then proceed to eat an Ultimate Cheeseburger with jumbo sized fries and a strawberry soda. For desert, I'd also order two tacos -- dipped in grease.

That's exactly why my ass was getting fat again, which is definitely why I no longer eat that crap.

Now if you're looking at any of these pictures and thinking, "Mmm...sammich," your ass is nasty. I know, I know: Judging you on your meal choices is wrong. Well, whatever, I'm not trying to sit next to your Hungry Hungry Hippo ass on the plane.

Eat a grilled turkey burger and some tortilla chips (multi-grain, preferably) and stop killing yourself.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 8 Comments

Monday, February 23, 2009
12:01 AM


Curiosity Killed The Hairline

 

I don’t always make the best decisions. In fact, there’s a ditzy quality to me. I sometimes decide to do things on a whim solely based on natural curiosity. Say, “Oh, I wonder what happens if I put this in reverse,” or “Hmm, she just said I can make that spot, can I?” Then there’s “Ooh, I’m allergic, but maybe this one time will be different.”

That frame of thinking usually results in a boom and a crash…face first into the toilet. I thought I had put such dense logic behind me, but as of last week, I’m reminded that indeed old habits die hard. Without going into too much details (‘cuz I’on know ya’ll like that, pimpin’) I’ve made a change, and when one goes on a leap of faith (See: I’m not always cynical) you have to rough it just a little bit.

My hair is very important to me. There was a period in my senior year in high school where I just let it look a big curly mess until I had to cut for Homecoming (I was on the royal court – quit laughing) but other than that I keeps me a fresh line up, ya dig?

In college I may have walked around on campus in sweats and a t-shirt as if I had just woken up (usually such scenario was the case) but my hair was right. Besides, I tend to think if you can look good dressed as plain as possible then you’re on it no matter what. And I’m on.

So how does my little vanity-approved rant factor into my story? Well, changes breed unfamiliarity, so while I always know to holla at Jason for a good cut, I don’t know shit about shit now. A friend referred to one barber, and he’s cool, but yo, does he not realize we’re in a recession? I like to tip, too (they tend not to fuck you up when you do) – or did until I met him. I still did, but yikes, ya’ll. A fresh line up won’t help me in the line for food stamps.

Recently I found myself somewhere between South Korea and El Salvador. Now as much as people like to pretend my name is Miguel Santiago Chan Lee, I’m colored and my hair knows this. But while walking back from the drug store, I though, “Hmm…I wonder what would happen if I let a Hispanic line me up.”

Problem #1: I was dumb enough to even ask a question. Not because he was Hispanic, but because I know plenty of Black barbers that have jacked up my line up something terrible.

My hairline is, was, and forever shall be weird. I have what you call a ‘cow lick’ (someone informed me of the term a few years ago) and then on the other side is…hell, I don’t know. I’ve had many a barber tell me, “Man, it took me longer to line you up than anything else.”

And I’ve plenty of barbers that have spurred thoughts of doing random acts of violence in retaliation for their work.

There was a period in college where I walked around looking like Huey Freeman. That’s due to some barber cutting against the grain of my hair. I grew my hair out hoping it would undo some of the damage.

Knowing this, I should have known damn well not to go to someone not used to cutting Black hair.

Turns out a Hispanic didn’t get to cut my hair. He looked at me and pointed to the dude next to him. He turned around and he was a Korean who seemed to know only two words in English.

Problem #2: I saw that he was a Korean who didn’t speak English yet I sat in the chair anyway.

What is wrong with me? At the time I thought that either way, I’ll learn a valuable lesson. I was acting like one of those kids whose parents have to child proof their home until they are 19.

As I sat in the chair, I became all the more petrified. He was like, “Cut, cut.” I said, “No” then proceeded to yell line up seven times.

What was the end result? First, let me give you some perspective.

Here’s how my hair looks when it’s cut correctly:

How did I look leaving his chair?

...or at least not too far from this.

Notice how my man just cut a straight line on this side of my head. It's like he put a ruler on the side of my head and decided to cut along that. Negative.

And how can I forget that went far back as slavery with my line up. On the right side of my head, you would think he thought he was going up a hill on my head. How do you say, "I ought to beat your ass in Korean?"

I was told it wasn’t that bad, and technically, they’re right. But I tell you one thing: I’ll be calling the expensive dude until I find a new barber. Funny enough, that dude is Hispanic, though under the age of 50. I'm sure that made the difference. I am going to learn one day. I just know it.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 14 Comments

Sunday, February 22, 2009
10:26 PM


Stop It

 





Oh joy, someone has combined two of my favorite people: God and Beyonce! This is some chuuch I can jig to. I don't know if this is preacher strategy to let the Saturday night crowd know they're still welcomed to afternoon services after they eat breakfast at 1:45 p.m. or what, but I think I love it.

Yes, if you read this entry earlier you notice that I've completely changed my tune. Let me keep it real: I was frontin'. I love this remix, but I worry if I'm on thin ice with the Lord. Last week I went to church for the first time in forever and I didn't burst into flames. I didn't want to get up and jig to this and have a piece of concrete fall on my head. That Old Testament wrath is vicious.

But after the homie S.Lake told me she liked it, I realized that it was OK to enjoy this. And another friend reminded me how this is the same church one of his co-workers attend. He sent me a great remix they did to Jazmine Sullivan'ts "I Need You Bad."

Next thing you know I'm going to start seeing videos with a pastor leading the the choir into, "Imma believa, Imma, Imma believa." Then that will be officially too much, but until then, uh uh oh, oh oh oh.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

4:38 PM


Chimp Chat

 

I have to say, while I do think this cartoon is sophomoric, I’m not really in an uproar about it. Yes, I understand why people find it offensive, but it came from the New York Post. This type of commentary shouldn’t be all that surprising given the tone of the Post and other News Corp. owned entities.

Some question whether or not anyone of a certain age can really be that oblivious as to why some people would infer that the Post was employing an age old racial stereotype to insult Barack Obama. I can believe it, namely because there are many people young and old, white and Black, completely oblivious to a lot of things. Granted, in this scenario, this points more so to whites being oblivious and using their privilege to excuse their own ignorance, yet and still I can see why some wouldn’t get it. They don’t have to; it’s not their problem, it’s ours. It’s selfish and irritating as hell, but it’s all of our reality.

Let’s take this paper at its word as questionable as many find it to be. Barack Obama did not write the bill so the Post claims if the monkey represented anyone, it would be Nancy Pelosi. Even if that’s true, they are still dead wrong for advocating violence against a public figure. We live in a time where a number of sanity-deprived people can buy a boat load of guns at chain stores, which means those in control of the images we see need to be more responsible when trying to be “funny.”

If they were being racist, they’re ignorant as hell. If they weren’t, they’re still ignorant as hell. That’s my stance and I’m sticking to it.

I will say no matter what, I’m mad they created a situation in which the self-appointed Pope of Black Folk, Al Sharpton, got another opportunity to go on all of the major networks and show off his fresh perm. It’s nothing against Al personally – I’m just annoyed people seem to think Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson are the only two people allowed to represent the community.

What I am happy about is that this entire situation has sent a reality check to all of those under the impression that racism died on November 4, 2007. Whenever I hear someone hint if not flat out declare that we came as slaves, Martin Luther The Kang had a dream, and Barack Obama woke up America and now we’re all one big country full of Mariah Carey’s I frown incessantly.

Likewise, I’m equally as annoyed when I hear people claim that because Barack Obama has become President, Black people have no reason to “complain” anymore.

Here’s a reality check: Yes, his mother raised him without the aid of his father, but he also went to the best private school in Hawaii, which instilled in him the type of education needed to attain real social mobility. Yes Barack did, but let’s stop pretending every little poor Black child goes to top private schools in their respective states.

Moreover let’s stop acting like up until a couple of years ago he was paying more in student loans than he was on his mortgage. As brilliant and talented as he is, and as admirable as I find him to be, he essentially personifies why great timing and dumb luck can get a man far.

George W. Bush being a stubborn moron did more for race relations in this country than anything else done in recent memory.

Maybe that’s steering a bit off topic, but it’s been bugging for the longest now.

Regardless of whether I'm on point or not, here we are, only a month into office debating whether or not a conservative newspaper branded the first Black President a chimp.

On this entire drama, Rosie Perez captures my sentiments beautifully:

Racism still exists and it's still ugly. Barack Obama did not change it over night. I heard someone on “Oprah” say, "When Barack Obama got elected to be President you could never complain for being a Black person." I was like, “Shut the f*ck up! Sit the f*ck down!” I was so angry when I was watching that. If they still act in a racist way you're saying we don't have a right to complain because Barack Obama is President? When there are racist obstacles in front of us? I see it in my arts education charity, which is in 50 schools, you see it. You see how teachers treat kids of color different. You see how teachers treat kids of color who are of lower class differently. It's still here, despite the fact that he's become President. But, saying that it has changed, it definitely has changed... somewhat. But it hasn’t changed completely. I still think we have a long way to go.

And there it is. Let me just add, even if they did compare him to a chimp, I could care less. He’s still the President, so if Al and folks want to protest somewhere in New York, head down to Wall Street and cause a ruckus. Invite people Black, white, and purple who are all pissed off at real injustice.

Labels:


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Saturday, February 21, 2009
5:17 PM


Don't It Always Seem To Go

 


Forgive me if this is old news, but as I write about entertainment stories for lunch money, I decided to multi-task (or procrastinate, I suppose) and try and catch up with Making the Band on DVR. Trust me, it wasn't me who set the timer for this. I forgot this show even still came on. Though I enjoyed watching when Danity Kane was on it, last time I checked, that group was a wrap and thus my interest in the show followed suit.

But as I conclude the season premiere I'm noticing one thing: Danity Kane is all these jackasses talk about. And by jackasses, I mean people who really have nothing to do with the situation. I'm looking at you in particular, Que. Que is someone I want to embrace due to our shared weight class and teeth size, but if Chris Brown has taught me anything it's that all big rabbit teeth people are not created equal.

Why is Que so damn obsessed with Aubrey? Does she owe him money? Did she give him the burn? Haha, wait, Que doesn't really want any of that. I don't care how many times he kisses up on Dawn.

Seriously, though, why is he so pressed? If you could summarize him in one word based on the premiere it would be "Aubrey." Aubrey did this, Aubrey did that. Aubrey ruined Danity Kane, Aubrey has such an ego. Blah, blah, blah. Dude, get off. I seriously doubt Aubrey is thinking about him.

I caught the comment he made about Aubrey posing nude -- insinuating that antics like that tarnished Danity Kane's image. Yeah, because the roster over at Bad Boy has always been a bastion of morality. It's funny he takes swipes at her for doing that, yet she made $500,000 for that ego booster. That's money I'm almost certain none of the members of Day 26 will ever see. It's likely more than Danity Kane would have ever seen had they stayed together. A platinum album split five ways on a Bad Boy contract sounds like it's just enough to put you back in line for food stamps.

I laughed when I heard one of them (yeah, I don't remember their names right now...oh well) say the members of Danity Kane should be millionaires. These guys do realize they're on Bad Boy, right? If not, I need them to latch off Diddy Puff's sac for a minute and go holler at Cherri Dennis, Black Rob, G-Dep, the lost girls of Total, and Jerome. Or stop by the 116th station and ask Dylan how those Bad Boy residuals are treating him.

As for the previews of the season, it looks like it will be another season of bitch fits, Puffy applauding himself and using the show to cross promote his products, a couple of boomkats, and Dawn pretending she doesn't really want to be a solo artist. All while we forget Donnie Klang is still a cast member. Ya'll let me know how that goes. In the meantime I'll be waiting for Aubrey's next reality show. Hopefully she brings along D. Woods. You truly don't know what you got 'til it's gone.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 5 Comments

Friday, February 20, 2009
4:31 PM


Help!

 


I know, I know: Where are the updates? I've been grindin', jack. The following piece is an example of such. So, to make a long story short, I'm never comfortable talking about this with too many people, but I was presented with an opportunity and I decided that instead of clinging to myto pride, I might as well talk about it publicly -- especially if it will get people with similar struggles to share.

I will be writing a new feature on The Root called The Recession Diaries. Essentially, it's trying to capture the varied experience of Black professionals old and young and how we all deal with these tough economic times. College students, particularly those at HBCUs are already encouraged to write in (though students at any college are needed to contribute).

I wrote about my dilemma with student loans (particularly the private student loan industry) to start things off.

If you know of anyone struggling, or if you yourself are, please pass this post around and invite those to share their tales by emailing therecessiondiaries@gmail.com.

Also, if you could, please go out and read my piece and leave feedback. I would really appreciate if you did. I want this to be a success. I'm really trying to avoid stanky legging in the street for spare change, so help me succeed.

Click me to read.

Thank you!

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Wednesday, February 18, 2009
2:23 AM


Ricky, Bobby, Halle, and Mike

 

If you're from Texas and you didn't tell me about these dances, shame on you. If I know you personally and you're from Texas and read this blog, I ought to curse your ass out. Well, maybe not, but get on video chat so I can give you the side-eye or something.

Though the stanky legg is just now catching on nationwide, I've already learned two new dances as of last night. They are called the Ricky Bobby and the Halle Berry, respectively.

Why is it called the Ricky Bobby? I haven't a clue. I thought of New Edition, but that's apparently not it because the dance does not involve bitterness, drugs, or alcohol.



It's another Dallas dance, so don't even try to clown Houston, though to be fair, we'd come up with something just as retarded yet entertaining. You know what, even as I type, I'm still disappointed folks didn't tell me about this dance. This has been out since last fall. I mean, how could my people let this get past me?



I mean, even white folk knew about it. That's not fair. I know Barack Obama told us we're all one people, but Zora Neale Hurston said "all my skinfolk ain' t kinfolk," and a couple of ya'll are looking really unfamiliar right now. Don't let it happen again.



Even he knew about it. Now, I don't know what box to check him under, but he ain't Black and he knew about this dance before me. I believe in equal opportunity coonin', but c'mon nah, don't let me get behind.

Thankfully, I was somewhat informed about the Halle Berry. My mama called me one day asking me what the hell it was. At the time I didn't know, but thankfully my brother called me yesterday and let me know that it, along with the Ricky Bobby were new dances.

Here's the Halle Berry.



I know someone's going to come in here and say "that looks gay." Here's what Kanye West had to say about using the word gay with a negative connotation:

Titles are very important. I like to embody titles, y’know, or words that have negative connotations, and explain why that’s good. Take the word gay — like, in hip-hop, that’s a negative thing, right? But in the past two, three years, all the gay people I’ve encountered have been, like, really, really, extremely dope. Y’know, I haven’t, like, gone to a gay bar, nor do I ever plan to. But where I would talk to a gay person — the conversation would be mostly around, like, art or design — it’d be really dope.

I'm sure someone's itching to post, "Well...he gay" in the comments section. No he is not. He may sometimes dress like a gay prostitute from the 80s, but that doesn't mean he's gay. The only man Kanye could ever love is himself so take what he's saying to heart. Granted, the Halle Berry isn't exactly art, but I like the song dammit and that's all that matters.

Then again:


This dance does look like something a project AKA would do. I don't know, after seeing someone smaller with more room to do it I might stick to the Ricky Bobby. While the song doesn't bother me any, FYI, if you're a dude trying to holla at a chick and do the Halle Berry in front of her, me thinks she may do the Jackie Joyner Kersee in response. Good luck with that.




It's so ign't and catchy. I kinda love it just because I like yelling, "Halllleeeee Berrrry." I am a southern boy through and through. It's going to be so much fun watching all of the bugawolves and mudducks walk around talking about, "HALLLEEEEE BERRY" as if they look anything like her in the club.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 13 Comments

Tuesday, February 17, 2009
12:00 AM


Can You Fill Me In?

 

"Words cannot begin to express how sorry and saddened I am over what transpired. I am seeking the counseling of my pastor, my mother and other loved ones and I am committed, with God's help, to emerging a better person. Much of what has been speculated or reported on blogs and/or reported in the media is wrong. While I would like to be able to talk about this more, until the legal issues are resolved, this is all I can say except that I have not written any messages or made any posts to Facebook, on blogs or any place else. Those posts or writing under my name are frauds."

1. Is it safe to say Chris Brown may have stepped on Rihanna’s toe on purpose now?

2. When will a pair of clippers find the back of his head?

3. Who else is intrigued about J.Holiday’s sophomore album?

4. Which one doesn't look like they want to be there?

5. Why do I get the feeling Stevie Wonder would perform at the opening of an EZ Pay Loan store if he knew the check would clear?


"Harlem Heights" Trailer - New Reality Series on BET
by wiredset

6. So Harlem Heights is basically Baldwin Hills for grown ups, right?

7. While I respect her choice to not shave her legs, shouldn’t Mo’nique keeps those two grizzly bears in their cage?

8. Now that she’s joined the cast of Dancing with the Stars, can we officially say Lil’ Kim is over?

9. When is someone going to sit Bow Wow and Soulja Boy take away their ‘net privileges and sit them in time out so we don’t have to be bothered by their bitch beef?

10. Can the same be done for 50 and Officer Ross?

11. What the hell are a booty do and whoop da dee do?

12. Is there someone really selling a font based on Barack Obama's handwriting?

13. Shouldn’t he be selling a Lexus?

14. No really, what’s Teyana Taylor’s purpose?

15. Was anyone else surprised that Alicia Keys was having an affair…with a man?

16. What ya’ll think of Angie’s freakum dress?

17. If you were Ashanti, would you sue your hairdresser?

18. Is this Rihanna in 70 years?

19. What did Kelly Clarkson have to eat last night? Ruben Studdard?

20. Can someone stop my dick from committing suicide?

Labels:


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 9 Comments

Friday, February 13, 2009
3:23 PM


With You

 


Come on poochie, bite his hand!

While I still wouldn't be mad if I found out Rihanna and her Bajan brethren either put a root on Chris Brown or at least jumped him, I don't think it's fair that his music has already been banned from certain radio stations. I mean, if you're going to ban his music, do it for the right reasons: Most of it sucks. Yeah, he has a few songs here and there I like, but for the most part, I've never been able to get over the fact that he sings like his balls don't hang, so it's been hard for me to take him seriously. Plus, I grew up a Jodeci fan, not really a Boyz II Men one. Much like Boyz II Men, though I find him overall to be a nice guy, Chris Brown is packaged a little too clean cut for my liking. No, those etch a sketch tats of his didn't sway me much.

I've read about how a band of Chris Brown stans have joined together to fight the power and save him on radio. It's cute in a don't you lil' fast ass kids have some homework to do sort of way, but mobilization is mobilization. Yes they can, ya'll!

Though at this point it's kind of hard to refute the fact that Chris Brown hit Rihanna, he hasn't been formally charged let alone convicted, so is it right to blacklist him already? I vote no, and while I won't be requesting any of his songs, it's not fair to turn away those that still want to. Besides, where was all of this outrage when R. Kelly videotaped himself pissing on a 14-year-old girl and treating her ass like a cupcake? T.I. has been convicted of carrying enough arsenal to invade Iraq in his closet, yet I can't stop hearing all 19 of his singles on the radio.

While Michael Jackson may have been cleared of playing "Touch My Body" with the little sick boy with the scamming mother, he's certainly guilty of transforming himself from a Black man to someone resembling the dead older sister of an elderly white woman. My mom and many Black folk will never forgive him for that. Although he was convicted on sketchy sexual abuse charges, 2 Pac wasn't exactly a friend to women yet many a female swear by him.

Then there's Marvin Gaye, who was rumored to have loved the kids a little too much. Of course, most rappers in general take their crimes and employ them as a promotional tool. In fact, some of the very attitudes that contribute to domestic violence are still championed largely by society overall but I don't see folks asking to ban all of the dumb programming out there. Has there been a referendum on referring to undershirts as 'wife beaters?' Right.

Sometimes it's really hard for me to separate the person from their music. I like to think that in most cases what you sing is an extension of who you are. Even if you're the invention of other people, the fact that you allow yourself to be says a lot about you as a person. So when I found out a person may be an abuser, a rapist, or some sort of other type of criminal, I do have to take a second look at them. Sometimes I can overlook it, and then there are times when I can't.

Personally, I'll never buy another R. Kelly album again. I did buy the Chocolate Factory and I felt guilty about it soon after. He already had my money, but I ended up tossing it the album away. This happened after I learned more about this Pied Piper character and it dawned on me that this idiot was throwing his disease in all of our faces and I felt like an even bigger idiot for supporting him.

Not supporting him anymore is aided by the fact his music now more than Karrine at Wayne's house, but even if it were good, I can't give him my money. That's simply a personal choice. But then there are times when I hear his old music, and I can't help but get into it.

I remember once that I had just finished baking some wings and was tearing them up. Then I walked back into my room and there was some video countdown on BET. "You Remind Me Of Something" came on and I literally held the plate in one hand, ate the wing in the other, then proceeded to twirk to my favorite part of the song: Y'know, "I wanna roll it, roll it, roll it...is all I wanna do, for ya baby." All at the same time.

Sidenote: I may seriously have to put such talents to good use soon. Damn you, recession! Damn you.

After I got back up off the ground (shut up -- don't judge me), I had felt like I pissed on the girl myself. Ultimately, I had to learn that I can't project their guilt and wrongdoing onto me. No, you won't find me buying anything of R. Kelly that's come out since the trial, but you may find me singing "Bump N Grind" on occasion, though maybe not as loud. I feel the same way about Chris Brown and his fans. Should they go and break all of their albums? If they want to. Should we look at them differently if they opt not to despite what he's charged with? I don't think so.

Ike Turner will forever be known as the man who beat down Tina Brown, not the guy who practically created rock 'n roll. In a lot of ways, that's karma, but look at Reverend Grits. Isn't it funny how Al Green of all people replaced a guy who bailed out of a performance for allegedly abusing his girlfriend? We've allowed him a second chance. Why not Piss Brown?

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

2:43 PM


Stan For Your Friends

 

For some odd reason, some people tend to think that just because you're a blogger, you have some sort of connect to a bunch of record industry people. FYI, I don't, and besides everyone I've met in the record industry didn't seem to like me too much. Well, not me, so much as my opinions. Once I got the "oh shit" face from Jay Brown when I was at some forum as a part of this scholarship program and I said I wanted to be like the male Wendy Williams (this was like five years ago, don't judge me). Another time I was at an internship and some guy was asking me what I thought about Ashanti and though I can't remember what I said verbatim, I do remember the look the guy shot me: It was one of those, I ought to stab your Black ass with a butter knife faces. Turns out he worked for Def Scam (kidding, ya'll) and since it was the summer of Bey, I imagine he was already a little testy. There have been others since then, but look the acts they were reppin' were wack, and maybe if they had given my opinions some thought the recording industry wouldn't be trying to sell albums with deodorant now.

Anyway, like I said, I don't have record label connects, so whoever put me on some email list, ya'll can take me off. I usually just mark you as spam and keep it moving. If I did have some connects, I'd most certainly put them to good use for my friend Elle B.

Before you ask, yes I know her personally, but even if I didn't I would stan for her all the same. She fills my two greatest requirements for R&B chanteuses these days: She can actually sing without the benefit of software and she can read.

I met her through the aforementioned scholarship program though I sometimes forget that because we have been friends for so long our friendship just seems fo far removed from that. We instantly clicked when we met and she's one of my favorite people ever. I tend to feel inferior speaking to her as she is incredibly brilliant, and I am in awe of her talent and passion. I adore her, and I pray that she is met with the success she deserves.

Now, to my point: If you're in LA area and you are not using your tax refund (or loan -- when will we learn?) to go to Phoenix for the weekend, I invite you to check out Elle B. perform this weekend at The Dakota (formerly the Temple Bar). The address is 1026 Wilshire Blvd. and it's in Santa Monica. Don't ask me for directions, just Google it, baby.

The show starts at 8:30 and the cover is $10. Yes, even I'm paying because I love her that much. I know that's five bottles of 2 buck chuck at Trader Joe's, but that's OK, I still got a bottle somewhere 'round these parts.

Boogie is opening for Jive recording artist Miguel, who coincidentally, the homie Yasmine put me on to a few weeks ago. I like his song "Sure Thing." You can visit his MySpace page here.

And after that (or before, really, but as long as you go), you can check out Elle B. MySpace page here.

Oh, here's the preview video she put up:



Support her! If you're not in LA, at least check out her music. OK, I'm done street teaming it. Love her, though, so she's worth it!

P.S. If you're wondering what that diatribe in the beginning is about, I wanted to kill two birds with one stone. Stop emailing me about Amerie! I bought her last two albums, dammit.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 0 Comments

2:11 PM


'Ye Says

 

As you all know, gay people are the worst inhabitants of the Earth. Far more evil than terrorists, twice as annoying as bill collectors, and three times the sexual deviant as a prostitute, homos are to be feared, hated, and most of all, disrespected. Anyone who dares to show compassion or even worse, acceptance, of their wretched lifestyle must be rebuked.

Enter Kanye West, who has the nerve to treat someone different from him as a human being.



What the fuck? Did he just say gay people aren't aliens? He must be doing the booty do with John Legend.

Of course, since Kanye West has decided to treat gay people like, I don't know, people, the responses under the video were typical:
tdot kanye is a bottimon

this nigga keep talkin bout gay people,i think kiara fat

Kanye is a fuckin fag!

KANGAY

THIS NIGGA GAY TALKIN BOUT HE GANGBANGED YEAH HE GOT GANGBANGED WIT THAT PINK AS WATCH ON

Fuck the gays kanye, I know for a fact u aint gay, but your too much of a nice nigga.

NIGGA BRING DAT GAY SHIT MY WAY I"M SHOOTIN KANYE U FUCKIN FAGGG IF ITS NOT WHITE PPL DEN ITS GAY PPL I HATE EM
A couple of thoughts:

1. Is bottimon the same as batty boy?
2. Who is Kiara?
3. Dude could have done better than Kangay, right?
4. Actually, I don't believe Kanye gangbanged anything either.
5. @ that last comment: This is why you shouldn't drink when you're pregnant. Red wine is OK, not red wine coolers or strawberry margaritas, fam.

I know 50 Cent, Sandra Rose, and a couple of other people are leading the charge, but I don't think Kanye West is gay. Does he spaz out like he owns his very own tiara? Yes, though that not a homo make. Tell you the truth, there are a bunch of big burly ass dudes that have sex with women every day they can that throw tantrums and bitch fits like little girls. We don't call them gay so why do we automatically assume Kanye is? Because he dresses better?

Some days I can't stand Kanye, but that can probably be attributed to me falling for what he's selling at any given moment. He says outlandish things for attention. It works. At the same time, when you see videos like this it reminds me that he's very much different from most rappers out there and that his point of view is something that ought to be presented more often into public forum.

He's the only male celebrity I can think of that's said something remotely close to anything that's anti-domestic violence, and the fact that he's secure enough in his manhood to say gay people are no threat to him proves he's far more progressive than half of the homophobic female bashing rappers who constantly tell another man to suck their dick on wax.

Most rappers hate women, and thus, they hate gay men, due to the unfortunate belief that homosexuality and feminity are one in the same. As I've gotten older I've found that strangely ironic considering for every stereotype these rappers throw out about gay men, they tend to fit themselves. Take their obsession with jewelry, or being greased out like a piece of meat on their album covers, always surrounding themselves by a big group of men. All that shit is gay.

And for everyone's jokes about Kanye's style (which I'm not exactly a fan of either, but hey, it's not me and my money, who cares), why do so many rappers know so much about women's shoes? It's like half of them are channeling Al Bundy something serious with their vast knowledge of designer stilettos. They also know about handbags -- usually more than my own mama. The past two years far too many hip hop and R&B hits from men have sounded like jingles written my Macys and Saks.

A lot of mainstream hip hop is largely some extended mix of the "Do The Homie" dance from The Boondocks. Yet the minute someone steps outside of that linear view of how a Black man should behave, they're the gay ones. It's hypocritical, it's stupid, it reminds me that some people need to read more.

'Ye may be a mama's boy, but I get the feeling he's far more into sucking some girl's titty than he is some dude's peen. I'm not certain the same can be said for half of hip hop, nor for half the clowns hiding behind a computer screen typing the word faggot.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 2 Comments

Thursday, February 12, 2009
1:49 PM


Yeah, He Hit Her

 

I want people to stop saying, "If he really beat her that bad, then the DA wouldn't have kicked back the case."

Bad News Brown is currently under investigation for making criminal threats, i.e. threatening to kill Rihanna. The reason why it's criminal threats versus domestic battery is because the latter charge doesn't carry as severe a penalty as the other. And even if it didn't "beat her that bad," the fact that you have to toss in the words "that bad" suggests it's bad no matter how you flip it.

He hit her. He left her. I don't really care if I don't know everything. I've never pretended to be in the car with them filming anyway. But I've read enough to know he hit her and he left. And call it a hunch, but in domestic abuse cases, it's usually not the first time -- especially if you're knocking someone down in a car and leaving them on the side of the road.

FYI:
Sources say the Los Angeles County District Attorney kicked the case back to the police for further investigation because evidence that he made criminal threats against Rihanna is kind of thin. Our sources are quick to say he will, however, almost certainly be charged with felony domestic battery, a lesser offense but still serious.

Here's how it went down, according to the police report. After Chris received a text message from a woman who wrote about getting together, an argument erupted. By the way, initially, Rihanna would not tell cops what started the argument.

She did, however, tell them that during the argument, he started hitting her. According to the police report, she ordered him to drive her home and "faked a call" to someone, saying things like, "He's dropping me off. Make sure the cops are there."

Rihanna told cops the fake call enraged Brown. He said something to the effect of "You are really fu**ed up now. I'm going to kill you." This statement is the basis of the criminal threats charge.

At that point, according to the report, Brown allegedly began a violent attack with his fists. At some point, Rihanna took the keys out of the ignition and threw them outside.

And there's this. According to the police report, she told cops this was not the first time Brown hit her. She referred to it as an ongoing and escalating abusive relationship.

Now for that "not so bad part:"

Given the brutal nature of the attack, which the photos clearly show -- contusions on the face, swollen eyes, cut lip, bloody nose, bite marks on fingers and arm -- a felony domestic battery charge is virtually a done deal. That, however, is a less serious offense than making criminal threats.

In short, they know he hit her, they're just not sure if they can prove he really meant he'll kill her. It has nothing to do with the severity of the abuse; it's the intent of his threats. It's only a matter of time before the police report hits The Smoking Gun.

I have very low tolerance for domestic violence, so while I do think it's wrong for the media to act as if Chris Brown beat her to a bloody pulp, then the ER had to come down and resuscitate her on sight and bring in a pastor to beg God to please keep her on Earth until she finishes her fourth album, insinuating that things aren't as bad as they seem lacks the same amount of credibility as these purported exaggerations.

He hasn't been charged yet, so you're innocent until proven guilty (in theory anyway), but I'm inclined to think less people would be so willing to defend him (or "not defend him but..." as some would call it) if he weren't a pretty boy pop star with hits under his belt.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 6 Comments

Wednesday, February 11, 2009
11:16 AM


So You Knew It Was Coming

 

I am not the most politically correct person, but I do believe that some things are not appropriate to joke about and domestic violence tops that list. I've almost been as upset to the reaction of the story of Chris Brown beating up Rihanna as the allegation itself.



This is not funny. If anything, it's yet another reason why some people need to have their reproductive rights revoked. How cruel and insulting can a person be?

Even worse than these two jackasses' "parody" are the people so quick to blame Rihanna for the whole incident.

Since word of this first leaked I've constantly read comments about how "she probably caused it." How she "likely set him off." How some women "know how to push a man's buttons." How "island women are crazy." And on. And on. And on. The irony of it all is I've found most of the people defending Chris Brown to be women. For the life of me, I'll never understand how some women can blindly defend a man who beats down a woman.

I realize that in some instances it could very well be unavoidable, but as more information leaks it's becoming painfully obvious that he did a number on her and at 6'1 and 200 pounds, I don't think Chris Brown had much to fear from Rihanna.

No woman deserves to be beaten in that manner from a man. For any woman that thinks so, I feel sorry for you. Patriarchy abused your better logic.


When I first heard about this, that was my reaction: Lock him up and may his career evaporate. I didn't care if his new best friends in jail turned on "Run It" and did just that to him, I felt he had it coming. In some ways, I still he needs to be put on his back, but a friend cautioned me that wishing death to his career wasn't fair. Honestly, he had a point. Some people do change and in his case, I hope he learns from this. Apparently, this isn't the first time he has been accused of not knowing how to treat a woman, so maybe he'll finally learn how to control his temper now that he's losing money. That's usually the greatest motivator in people.

But judging from the responses of some people, all Chris needs is one good publicist and a cry on Tyra or Oprah's couch and he's back on top. The way some people tell it, you would think he was the victim.

"I spoke to him today," Tip said. "He's cool, you know. He's a little concerned about the situation, but he's still the same Chris." Tip said despite conversing with Brown, he still didn't know what had happened, but he offered advice to the singer. "I told him, 'This too shall pass.' We're celebrities, we're entertainers, but we're still human — all of us," he said. "Don't expect us not to make mistakes, because we will."

If you went by this fake ass G.I. Joe's comments, you would think Rihanna stuck an umbrella down Chris Brown's throat. One would hope he'd be inclined to say something nice towards both of them - especially when you consider Rihanna lent her vocals to the song that won't go away, "Life Ya Life." But some men stick together no matter how wrong the other one may be.

Edit: Nevermind. T.I. retracted his statement saying he should have waited to learn about the entire situation before commenting. I guess someone reminded him of the spins he got from Rihanna and/or mentioned he finds out when he's locked up soon.

Then you have this baby wipe addict clown Terrence Howard chiming in with:

"It's just life man," Howard said of the situation. "Chris is a great guy. He'll be all right. Rihanna knows he loves her. They'll be alright. Everyone has just got to get out of their way."

That's along the lines of, "Baby you know I love you, I'll never do it again." Suck a dick and choke, bitch.

Edit: Soft and smooth has backtracked, too, telling ET: "When they asked me about Chris Brown the other day, I was in no way aware of what he had been accused of. Had I know, I would have never said something so insensitive."

Uh huh.

And one of the biggest idiots of them all Soulja Boy says:

“I hope everything works out with my homeboy Chris.. I was just with him the night before the incident talking about his new album and just kickin it. I hope everything works out for the best! Chris hold it down homie, you know how the media gets!!”

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Judging from his speech, he's been abused all his life.

Can't believe I'm saying this, but thank God again for Kanye West.

I feel like, just as a person, I don't care how famous she is, or even if she worked at McDonald's, that should have never happened. It should have never come to that place."

Minus that whole bit about Rihanna having the potential to be the greatest artist ever, this is exactly what needs to be said considering people don't take domestic violence seriously. I think what gets me about this whole deal is that Chris Brown once told Giant that he grew up terrified and defenseless because he couldn't defend his mother from his step-father.

I grew up hating my father for a number of reasons, but without straying too deep into my personal live, I'll say that how to treat my mother was the main reason. I grew up wanting to kill his ass. There, I said it. And the only thing that terrified me more about what may happen to my family was that I may grow up to be exactly like him.

Like Chris, there is a history of stupidity in my family. At one point as a child I thought to never get married because I had such a fear that I would become that person and I never wanted to mistreat anyone in that way so at the time, I thought it would be better to be alone rather than put someone at risk.

Over time, I realize that didn't have to be so long as I made the effort not to repeat his mistakes. To try and be a better person and deal with problems before I become the very person I despised. I'm not nearly as far along as I'd like to be, but I'm making the effort. I hope Chris ultimately chooses to do the same. I wouldn't be mad if Rihanna threw dishes at his skull, but blacklisting him from music may likely only make him angrier.

I used to get into a lot fights. Most of which were due to people trying to test me, but there were instances where I started it out of frustration over something going on at home. I usually got a pass (say not suspended as long as I could've been), because I had a good reputation as a nice dude and a good student (don't suck your teeth at me -- I am nice and shit). I had always been raised to never duck a fight especially if a person hits you.

Everytime that happened to me I fought back. There was one time, though, where I thought not to. At the time, I was still short and chubby, and this Lady of Rage looking bitch hit me. And when I say hit me, I don't mean she slapped -- she hit me like a dude. All over some damn notebook paper. Before you even ask, yes, my high school was hood. Call it Child Left Behind High. Anyhow, when she hit me, I said, "I'm not going to hit you back." There were dudes yelling, "You gon' let that bitch punk you like that?" But I just couldn't so I stood there. Then she swung at me again and I lost it. She was bigger and much taller than me, but I ended up grabbing her by the cheap weave pony tail you can now find at most gas stations on MLK and started tagging her like every other dude that swung on me before her.

I got sent to another classroom as I waited for my teacher to call the principal, student po-po and what not. The entire time I put my head down feeling so horrible. I felt low. Like I had just become the person I never wanted to be. When a girl from the class came to get me, I thought she was about to let me have it. You know, "You're a boy, how could you beat up on a girl?" Actually she said with excitement: "Damn, you beat that bitches ass." Then her ass dabbed me up. She didn't help.

It wasn't until I got home to tell my mom and sister what had happened did I feel better. I was waiting for both of them to light into me. They didn't. My mom explained to me that given the situation, I defended myself. To give myself some credit, I didn't try to stomp her when we both hit the ground (look, she was a big bitch, we were knocking desks over), but I still felt horrible. It was only after my mom said what I did doesn't make me anyone but a person who had to defend himself.

I write all of this to say I don't know what exactly happened, and I can't be too self-righteous because I was in the placed in the position where I had to make a choice: Let a girl try and beat me down or defend myself. Judging from what's leaked so far, my situation sounds completely different from Chris Brown's but I put it out there all the same. I can't act like I've never hit a woman when I have. I've never done it again and I don't ever plan to again.

Whatever caused Chris Brown to do what they say he did to Rihanna, I hope he learns to handle better in the future. I haven't been in a fight since that girl.

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 6 Comments

Tuesday, February 10, 2009
1:52 AM


Ralph Is Laughing At You

 



I often wonder do companies that benefit from the free advertising rappers often provide them say out loud, "Oh...silly niggers. Freebies are for fools."

If not, I'm thinking it for them. Call it a hunch, but I don't think Ralph Lauren would approve of this. Then again, in these tough times, I'm sure he won't mind if his sales benefit from this glorified jingle. And yes, I'm serious when I say jingle. The chorus goes: "P-O-L-O, all I wear is Polo. I stay fresh...hell yeah, shawty, ye ain't know." That's the ign't equivalent of "Double your pleasure, double your fun."

Of course, I couldn't make that out in the video above. I'm fluent in southern, but my knowledge can only go so far. This bullshit sounds like if slaves went shopping. Before you even ask, yes I do like my ignorant songs, but this isn't one of them. There's no dance to go along with their song, and even if there was, I don't think I could fool with it.

I have a thing about songs that aid people that don't want our attention as it is. This reminds me of T.I. having to fall back on his "Swig Your Rag" video after Louie Vuitton and Gucci joined forces to shut him down citing copyright infringement. Here's a thought, rappers: If these companies wanted your endorsement, they would pay for it.

Now if by chance, you happen to like this song and want to hear an audible version of it, you can click here and head over to their MySpace page. Yes, I'm going to judge you, but only a little bit since I'm about to get up and do the stanky legg one more time before bed. As for Jay and Dre City, the makers behind this unsolicited Ralph Lauren spot, after "Polo" finishes playing there's a song about hustling and being a gangsta. As you know, gangsters love rhyming about fashion and what's scarier than a Black man beating down the block in a button down?

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments

Monday, February 09, 2009
12:00 AM


I Need Answers: Grammy Edition

 

I can describe my thoughts of this year's Grammys in four words: Fuck you, Chris Brown. The show was already likely to suck after I found out Beyonce wasn't added to the performance lineup. Then he had to go and take away two of the very people who might have added even the smallest minuscule of umph necessary to keep me from passing out of sheer boredom from this show: Him and his girlfriend.

Seek help you hyperactive jack ass.

When the Grammys started I was busy working out in my room trying to up my sessy. It's 2009, ya'll. I got to get my body right just incase I'll have to use it to keep my bank account right. It's not a game. Though I definitely push upped and sat upped while the show was on, I know boring when I see it. That's why the second I saw Al Green, Justin Timberlake, and an extra large version of Boyz II Men (looks like Wanye ate the fourth member) I had to put the TV on mute and turn on "The Stanky Legg."

I guess you can figure out that I wasn't exactly glued to the show thereafter. But, I can't go without talking about this bore fest completely (I mean, I sat through it so I might as well say something), so I decided to cover the remainder of the show in question form.

1. Was I supposed to be excited that Jay-Z came out of nowhere in the middle of the Coldplay performance?


2. Was M.I.A. trying to induce labor by jumping up and down on stage like that?

3. What was the deal with Kanye West's jacket?

4. Was that shit made out of foil?

5. Why is he trying to bring that hairstyle back?

6. Is T.I. ever going to jail?


7. Though I think Estelle is cool, how did she get to perform at the Grammys but not Jazmine Sullivan?

8. Has anyone actually heard the song that won Record and Album of the Year?

9. What the hell was that Jonas Brothers/Stevie Wonder duet?

10. Does Stevie just say yes to anything?

11. Isn't it time for him to let those braids go already?

12. The producers of this show just randomly pull names out of hat and pair them together on stage, don't they?

13. Why did Justin get to perform twice?

14. Who got up and did something else when Neil Diamond hit the stage?

15. Didn't this feel like one of the longest award shows ever?

16. Alicia Keys got an award for a vocal performance. Why?

17. Does anyone else not give a damn that Katy Perry kissed a girl and liked it?

18. Didn't Solange look beautiful last night?

19. Was Whitney high?

20. Where was Beyonce?!?!

Labels:


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 8 Comments

Sunday, February 08, 2009
4:52 PM


Give It Up For Lil' Sis

 



If I were Solange I'd send flowers and a two-piece to Beyonce every day for being my sister. I'm inclined to think there's no way in hell Solange would be performing with B.B. King if she didn't swim in the same gene pool as Beyonce...but I don't blame her for using what she got to get what she want* at all. I'm not impressed with Solange as a vocalist so much as I am Solange the go getter.

Her talent is largely surpassed by her tenacity and that usually makes the difference between a marginally talented person who climbs their way to the top and the person with all the natural abilities in the world who fails miserably. Kind of like a three legged dog playing fetch.

Speaking of animals, those whistles Solange hit at the end could probably bring Lassie right back to Timmy, but as I said, I'm not posting this because it's a bravo-worthy vocal performance; I've put it up here to show yet again why you need to be on your thisel if you're trying to make it. She still needs to stop fronting like nepotism has been the bane of her existence, though.

If not for her connect she'd be in a sundress doing the hoolahoop blasting Janis Joplin.


* (c) Ronnie

The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 3 Comments

3:44 PM


Is It Still Okay?

 



I don't want to call anyone a liar, but:
A stunning-looking and strong-sounding Whitney Houston made a triumphant return to the stage at a pre-Grammy party honoring her mentor, music mogul Clive Davis. "I've got it, I've got it!" Houston, looking glamorous in a skintight leopard dress, sang early Sunday morning as she belted a line from one of her classic hits, "I'm Every Woman." But more than a lyric, it summarized to the crowd of A-list superstars and top industry execs that the superstar — whose drug use and erratic behavior had caused a shocking fall from grace just a few years ago — was back in top form.

-- Nekesa Mumbi Moody, Associated Press

If there was a fear that her voice was gone, she dispelled it. And while she may not be singing the way she did at 25, the 45 year old is still among the very premiere song stylists in the world.
-- Roger Friedman, FOX News
So how did she sound? Incredible! Was she back to the days when she was in top high-note hitting form? No, but close.
-- Marc Malkin, E!

They must have heard something completely different inside the venue than what I just got from this YouTube clip. While she doesn't sound like she just sniffed enough coke to make a snow man then washed it down with a pack of Newports and Olde English, I'm not sure if I'd give her the lead in the choir.

Some journalists were a bit more frank:



Though her voice was not the sterling instrument of her prime, she seemed vocally fit, if somewhat buried by the loud band, backup singers and exuberant audience that cheered her return.
-- Edna Gundersen, USA Today
...Houston revealed she's back in sparring shape; when she opened her mouth, what came out was strong and controlled (though, admittedly, she was still trading more on the theatricality of our anticipation than the power of the golden pipes she used to possess). So psyched was the crowd that it hardly seemed to miss the big notes in edited arrangements of both "I Will Always Love You" and "I Believe In You and Me," and the fact that Houston's backup singers had to carry much of "It's Not Right But It's Okay" did not dim the dance party.
-- Whitney Pastorek, Entertainment Weekly

OK, so it wasn't just me. I liken the reaction to Whitney's performance to be akin to that of Britney's recent gigs: People have such low expectations at this point simply standing there and not falling down would illicit thunderous applause. I guess it's a start. Just this morning I was listening to "Saving All My Love For You" and "You Give Good Love." I miss that Whitney.

I must say, though, I did enjoy the way Nippy said, "Darkchild...Darkchild." That performance was a little better. She still carries herself like someone's crazy Aunt Cookie.


The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael at 1 Comments